I guess I'm just writing this story because I've never had anyone to tell it to (no one knows about my emet). Every year at school, i somehow got a room that was across from the bathroom. There was no sound barrier, so i pretty much heard everything, every year. Freshman year i made sure to live ina substance-free dorm, not because i don't like having a few drinks every now and then, but because i didn't want to be living with people who had more than a few drinks and would v* every weekend because of it. The downside to this was that anytime i heard any one v* in the bathroom, I would pretty much assume it was because of a sv and not from drinking. I would always crank my music on my headphones when i heard someone v*ing, but the problem was I was too afraid to go back into the bathroom until the cleaning ladies came the next morning, or on Monday if it was the weekends. I would go down to the other floor's bathrooms, but it was hard to sneak down to the first floor without people looking at me strangely ("why doesn't she just use her own bathroom?"). Sometimes i would just hold it until it really started to bother my stomach, and i would even feel nauseous from holding it for too long. It was tough. My sophomore year, i moved out of the substance free dorm to be closer to my friends, and once again i was right across from the bathroom. There was v*ing going on ALL the time on the weekends from kids drinking too much, and i guess it kind of helped my phobia for a while because i knew it wasn't contagious, and i was sort of desensitized to the noise. it was still tough, but i made it through. one time there was this sv that went around our entire floor, and i caught it, but somehow i convinced myself that i was only going to have d*, and i was not going to v*, and it worked! I don't like d*, but i'll take it any day over v*. It took me twice as long to recover, but it was worth it not to v*.
Living in college dorms, you have to really try and fight the emet, or else you will be miserable. at first i had tons of panic attacks and didn't go out at all.but as i made more friends, i would make myself go out to parties and go out to eat with them becfause i didn't want to miss out on the fun. i had to look past a lot of my fears so i could make the most of my time there, and i think it has helped me a lot. i still have a lot further to go, but i'm hoping that the progress i made while i was at school will not be lost now that i've graduated.
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