Have any of you ever done this?

[jennyleigh1975]

Has any one here ever stayed out off work, or not sent your children to school because of this phobia? I dont mean like all the time, just every now and then. Like, when you get anxious because you keep hearing about "it" "going around."

[kate1966]

Hey Girl....of course I know what you mean...in fact last night my Nate had to come and tell me a story about a girl in his class yesterday who V all over her desk[img]smileys/smilies_03.gif[/img]I immedietely went into emet panic mode!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot possible tell him not to tell me these stories...i don't want him to think i am nuts[img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]But it really freaked me out b/c he was all crabby acting last night....he was just cranky all night and even this am he is still acting cranky...like he may be getting sick or something..........god help me...i wanted to let him stay home today.....i wanted to ask him how close this girl was to him that he got sick...i wanted to ask him if she went home...blah blah blah....but i sent him anyway...now i am just praying....of course i had to take a xanax right after he told me the story...and all my husband said about it was...."gosh..i bet she was embarrassed".....he never thought another thing about it....as i layed there for 2 hours thinking about it and if my baby was going to get it next!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this....hope to hear from you soon Leigh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jennyleigh1975]

See, I would have asked my children how close they sat to the sick child. Im trying to get better about that. You know I hope Nate stays well!!!!

[mistyeyes]

No, but if someone has a sv in my house, I will do whatever I can to find another place to stay until they are better.

[californiagirl]

I have actually QUIT jobs when there was a SV* there, and also, I have kept my kids out of school for days when I knew of a student or their teacher has the SV*. Now I just work from home and homeschool--that's where this has gotten me!

[mistyeyes]

Your children are probably getting a better education being homeschooled by you, anyway. [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[samara's on tv]

I know how you feel. I would stay home from work if there was a SV present. Or I'd find a way not to go to school/class if someone in it was sick.


On another note I was homeschooled for my last year of highschool and it ROCKED. I got two tutors who came to the house and worked with me! I wish I could have done ALL my schooling that way. You really do get a better education with that one on one stuff.


~Monica

[2jo2]

I wouldn't stay home, but I would try and take a field trip or something.... I'm lucky that my job is like that. I'd just say I have to go and look at something and spend the day out of the office.

[californiagirl]

MISTYEYES and Monica~~~


I and they love the homeschooling--it's great, because if they fall behind or need more time on a certain subject, they can take more time on it. Also, they're not too embarassed to ask me questions like they would be in a classroom. They still get the social aspect of things too, because this program has monthly field trips with other home-schooled kids. I love it, because they use our own restrooms and eat the lunches that I prepare. It gives us all a sense of security. I wish all kids could be homeschooled, but I know that when parents work outside the home, it's tough to do.

[madisonsmom]

yes yes yes! There was a stomach virus going around the assisted living home I USED to work at last year and I didnt go to work for about2 weeks. I had other things going on at home so I had a good excuse. That virus went through 55 residents and most of the employees. Luckily, my boss knew about my emet and understood. I am worried about it this year at the place I work at. There is currently a stomach virus going around schools right now. Thank God I homeschool! Edited by: madisonsmom

[japa]

Well, it does depend upon the parents. For example, school was my salvation from abusive parents. I don't know what would have become of me if it weren't for the public school system, believe it or not. Not to mention that my mother dropped out of school in the eighth grade, so she would not have been able to teach me, say, 12th grade calculus.

MISTYEYES and Monica~~~


I and they love the homeschooling--it's great, because if they fall behind or need more time on a certain subject, they can take more time on it. Also, they're not too embarassed to ask me questions like they would be in a classroom. They still get the social aspect of things too, because this program has monthly field trips with other home-schooled kids. I love it, because they use our own restrooms and eat the lunches that I prepare. It gives us all a sense of security. I wish all kids could be homeschooled, but I know that when parents work outside the home, it's tough to do.

[californiagirl]

JAPA,


I am so sorry you had to go through abuse while growing up. I feel for you, since I was with a horribly abusive (mentally, physically, sexually) husband for far too many years. I was in college at the time, and loved getting away from him just to be around happy normal people in class! I am still recovering......how are you doing with it, are you OK?


Also, I know what you mean on the 12th grade calculus analogy~~ There's alot that I don't know, so I basically I have to learn right along with my kids. School isn't the same as when I was a kid, it's damn hard!!

[crimgoddess]

Here is a question- do the people who homeschool primarily do so because they believe it provides a better education, or specifically because of emet-related fears?


I'm sorry, but the way I see it my emet is my issue. I would never bring my kids into it, whether it be keeping them home from school when I heard a story of someone being sick, or keeping them out of the school system altogether. Lol- I am finding myself pre-cursing many of my posts with "I don't mean to offend, BUT..."- so, I don't mean to offend BUT to me that is just going one step too far. if you miss work because you know someone you work with is/was sick, it is you who have to deal with the consequences (lost wages, needing to get caught up on the work you missed, etc.). When you keep a child out of school (if they are in a traditional school system)when they are not sick, it is them who need to do the work to catch up. (and even if they are young, it can still be a decent amount of work- by grade 2 my little cousin already had about a hour or so of homework a night). That, and it also gives them the impression that it's okay to miss school for reasons that are relatively unimportant.


*amber*

[californiagirl]

AMBER~~


Yeah, honestly part of the reason for me homeschooling is my emet. BUT, the kids enjoy it too. There is less stress for them to get the work done. They have all day if needed, instead of just class time, then piles of homework after school. We have been through that, and it's very stressful when all of the work is hard and has strict deadlines. Also, I don't know if you have kids or not. If you don't, (don't take this as me being mean, but)then you probably aren't familiar with how helpless you feel when you're kids are sick, and how much it hurts to see them sick. I worry, as all emets do, and I feel that if I can protect them, I will. Also, my kids have asthma, so I even try to protect them from any respiratory illnesses that may be going around, because when they catch a simple cold, it escalates into some type of secondary infection or full-blown asthma attack. We do what we have to do as parents, and I feel that any parent who home-schools, for whatever reason, is making the best decision for their family and I respect that. The one-on-one aspect of homeschooling also gives kids a great education and there are plenty of extracurricular activities that homeschooled kids get together and do, so they have fun also. The public school system works for some people too, and I respect their decision as well.

[pretty polly]

I do agree with you California Girl and it has often crossed my mind
that I would prefer if my daughter could be schooled at home, but
this is very uncommon in England.Infact I think it would be frowned
upon.
However, if I am being honest, the main reason I would want my
daughter to be homeschooled is because of emet - and, to me, that
would be very selfish of me...children need to socialise daily with
their peers, and experience everyday situations - its how they learn
and evolve. It would disturb me to think my daughter was missing
out on so much. And at the end of the day, i would also worry that by
keeping her away from schools and germs, then she would have no
natural immunities left, and so when older would struggle to fight off
illness.
I know everyone has their own opinion, and its a very personal
subject, but as has already been said, if we have any chance of
overcoming this phobia, sometimes you just have to learn to face it
head on. And try and live normal lives. Avoiding it will only make us
worse.

[crimgoddess]

You see, I don't subscribe to the notion that there are two sets of people in the world- those with kids and those without. It is used SO often to invalidate opinions. I don't think that is even all that relevant, as I'm sure many people WITH kids would never consider keeping them out of school when they hear that someone was sick. I feel so strongly about the importance of education and how we're lucky enough to even be able to give this to our children, that if I am making them stay home it better be for a damned good reason. That's the mentality I was raised with. I also know that my boyfriend would never let our future children stay home unless they are truly sick themselves- he is a nurse, and up until recently worked in a Pediatric Intensive Care unit. We've actually talked about this, and after working with children who are SERIOUSLY ill, he has said that he's not going to let the possibility of getting sick from a cold flu or virus prevent them from doing something.


Yes, it sucks when kids are sick, and you feel helpless. I feel the same way when I'm with my grandmother when she's sick- only WORSE I would argue because she is old and her health already isn't all that great.This could always be 'the one' that makesher so sickshe will not recover.


My brother and I were both asthmatic as kids. My brother got the worst of it; he was put on steroids, and when he got a cold or flu you could literally HEAR him breathing at night from the next room, which would scare the crap out of me, because asa kid myself there was nothing I could do. I know it would scare the crap out of my mother because I had caught her crying in the kitchen when she was fixing his meds. But, and I respectmy parentsSO much for this- they didn't let him use that as an excuse for not doing something. When he was better, he was back in school, and back in sports. I think that is part of the reason why he was able to outgrow it.


Although I have SERIOUS issues about parents homeschooling their own children (I think it's a massive conflict of interest), I'm not going to outright say it should never be done (because it may legitimately work for some people). However, I think it is just outright wrong to pull a kid out of traditional school for a day or two because you hear of someone who was sick.


*amber*

[crimgoddess]

I SO agree with you Polly, and I think that it's great that you are able to keep your kids in school despite of your emet I can see how that may be scary at times, and you should be applauded for dealing with that fear.


I know for myself, the most important things I learned in school happened outside of the actual classwork. In elementary/middle/highschool, it's really where I constructed what I guess can be considered my identity. After interacting with so many people on a daily basis, I really got to decide what type of person I wanted to be, and what type of person I DID NOT want to be. I got to interact with people who came from different countries, different socio-economic levels, and different religions- and also got to see how other people interacted/did not interact with them, which I think can be really defining fora kid. I knew I would never be racist because I got to see racism firsthand. I knew I would never make fun of someone because their mother is on welfare and they can't afford nice clothes- because I have seen the look on their faces when they were made fun of for this.


Yes, my parents reinforced those ideals themselves- but to a kid it's a lot different when you get to see it happen yourself, and realize that you shouldn't act a certain way because you parents tell you, you should, but because you have seen it and you know it's the right thing to do.


*amber*

[mjewell]

You know Amber, for someone with emetophobia you seem to be a bit unsympathetic to a lot of people who post here. Everyone has a different take on things, some people are stronger (you seem very strong and intent on beating this) and that is certainly admirable, but not everyone is there yet. Some people might have emetophobia worse than we ever know, and on top of that might be dealing with other issues like panic disorder, depression, etc. Some people just haven't learned to deal with it yet as well as you have and I AM a little offended by some of your responses to people - sometimes it sounds almost as if you are saying "tough it out, you're being a wimp." As a fellow emet I would think you would be a little more understanding.

[crimgoddess]

I think you are confusing sympathy with compliance. Although I am sympathetic to what people are going through, I refuse to take on the idea that "well, that's the way it is". That, to me, is just ignoring the situation and and strengthening it's power- making it seem as though it's a permanent situation as opposed to something that can be worked through/helped (whatever form that 'help' may take- it varies dependant on the person). I'm huge on accountability- having a phobia/disorder is one thing- but how the person reacts/deals with it is almost as important. I did a placement in a psychiatric facility a few years ago- a big thing that we emphasized to some of the patients was accountability for their actions, and not excusing certain behaviours. Did this approach work for everyone? No- but it did work for some.


By the way- I don't mince words. If I meant to say "you're a wimp"- I definitely would have said it. And I don't believe I ever had. Yes, I might push someone, and suggest that they not take the easiest 'out' to the problem- but that is definitely different than berating them.


As much as you may be offended by some of the things I say- I am frustrated by responses of others. Such is life- if we all thought the same way about everything (including emet) the world would be a pretty boring place.


*amber*

[mjewell]

I understand where you are coming from, and I do agree with you that avoidance, denial and complacency probably does only serve to strengthen the phobia.


I guess my point of view is more fom an anxiety disorder perspective rather than just a phobia perspective. In that case, if you have an anxiety disorder or other mental disorder that goes hand in hand with your emet (which in a lot of cases it does), it is almost impossible for the person to take responsibility all on their own without some professional help. And sadly, some people just cannot handle the same day to day things that others can - be it genes, a brain imbalance or flawed thinking, there are some who truly can give it everyhting they've got and still not beat it. Another sad thing is some people simply do not have the resources available to get the help they need - a lot of people on this board do not have insurance or cannot afford to seek help.


I guess my example of this is my career - i have had a really hard time staying at a professional job because of my anxiety, but I am not going to beat myself up for quitting or calling in sick, because although I am ultimately responsible for what I do, I do also need to treat myself with respect. I am still going to work through, I certainly won't give up on working just because of my condition, but I am going to find what works best for me.





Sorry this is so long, I just do not feel like working on a Friday afternoon [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[californiagirl]

MJEWELL~~~


VERY WELL SAID!!!!! Someone who understands[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]!


AMBER~~


Since we're being "to the point" here, I agree with mjewell, you do seem to be unsympathetic. Everyone has their own personal reasons for doing things, and I will say this, and I'm sure many parents will agree with me==I see it on talk shows, and in everyday life all the time: People who have never been parents can't possible know the intense feelings that parents have for their children, and people will do what THEY think is best for their kids. But these people always have an opinion! We also have a protective mechanism within us to protect them. You can speculate, but after you've actually given birth to a child and made that special connection, it's hard for non-parents to fully understand why we do what we do. Between my hubby and I, we have 5 kids, only one who lives with us, and evry one of them is different and only us as parents know whats best for each one. I'm not trying to be a bitch, but when there's a subject that you can't personally relate to, your opinions aren't grounded, and do offend some people. My kids are very well-rounded, and it has nothing to do with school, it has to do with the beliefs and respect for life that I have taught them. I, or anyone else, shouldn't be made to feel inferior to anyone because of their opinion. We're supposed to help and support people here, not make them feel wrong for what they do.Edited by: californiagirl

[mistyeyes]

I have been reading amber's posts, and she does not seem unsympathetic to me. There is a difference between understanding what others are going through and just making excuses for people's behavior.


I understand that we all have a phobia, and it can be difficult to control at times. But you have to ask yourself, "Do I want to get better? Or do I just want others to validate my fear."


If all you are looking for is validation, that is fine and your decision. But I feel that amber is like me. We both want understanding, yes. We bothwant support, yes. But I think we understand that telling someone that it's okay to avoid your fears is not really supportive. It's counterproductive, in fact.


I don't think any one of us really wants this fear controlling our lives, when we come right down to it. If we did, we wouldn't be coming to this site. We would be happy with the emet as it was and wouldn't be searching for answers.


That's just my 2 cents.

[mjewell]

All very valid points. I am not going to even touch on the homeschooling thing because I don't have kids and don't feel like I should have input there, but I do believemost parents do what they think is best for their kids regardless of their own problems.


I guess it is just thefemale mentalityin me, but when I come to this site I just want people to empathize with me and just say "yes, I've been there, I know how you are feeling and sympathize with you," rather than telling me what i should do about it (unless I ask of course). If I wanted tough love and solutions i would talk to my husband LOL.

[californiagirl]

Yeh, tough love is my hubby's specialty too!! Not good when you just want a friend to care!

[mjewell]

Men are just so logical! Luckily my hubby is pretty understanding, much more so than most guys i know, but even he tells me from time to time "just take a deep breath and relax, you'll feel better once we get there!!" Then I GRRRR at him [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[madisonsmom]

Here is a question- do the people who homeschool primarily do so because they believe it provides a better education, or specifically because of emet-related fears?


I'm sorry, but the way I see it my emet is my issue. I would never bring my kids into it, whether it be keeping them home from school when I heard a story of someone being sick, or keeping them out of the school system altogether. Lol- I am finding myself pre-cursing many of my posts with "I don't mean to offend, BUT..."- so, I don't mean to offend BUT to me that is just going one step too far. if you miss work because you know someone you work with is/was sick, it is you who have to deal with the consequences (lost wages, needing to get caught up on the work you missed, etc.). When you keep a child out of school (if they are in a traditional school system)when they are not sick, it is them who need to do the work to catch up. (and even if they are young, it can still be a decent amount of work- by grade 2 my little cousin already had about a hour or so of homework a night). That, and it also gives them the impression that it's okay to miss school for reasons that are relatively unimportant.


*amber*

No. I dont homeschool due to my emet. I started homeschooling my oldest son WAY before this emet started. I do it for educational reasons. I would never ever bring my kids into this emet world. I dont do that either. My emet is not as bad as some of the others. I just think its a plus that I dont have to worry about them bringing it home. We still get viruses...just because its a part of life!

[madisonsmom]

You see, I don't subscribe to the notion that there are two sets of people in the world- those with kids and those without. It is used SO often to invalidate opinions. I don't think that is even all that relevant, as I'm sure many people WITH kids would never consider keeping them out of school when they hear that someone was sick. I feel so strongly about the importance of education and how we're lucky enough to even be able to give this to our children, that if I am making them stay home it better be for a damned good reason. That's the mentality I was raised with. I also know that my boyfriend would never let our future children stay home unless they are truly sick themselves- he is a nurse, and up until recently worked in a Pediatric Intensive Care unit. We've actually talked about this, and after working with children who are SERIOUSLY ill, he has said that he's not going to let the possibility of getting sick from a cold flu or virus prevent them from doing something.


Yes, it sucks when kids are sick, and you feel helpless. I feel the same way when I'm with my grandmother when she's sick- only WORSE I would argue because she is old and her health already isn't all that great.This could always be 'the one' that makesher so sickshe will not recover.


My brother and I were both asthmatic as kids. My brother got the worst of it; he was put on steroids, and when he got a cold or flu you could literally HEAR him breathing at night from the next room, which would scare the crap out of me, because asa kid myself there was nothing I could do. I know it would scare the crap out of my mother because I had caught her crying in the kitchen when she was fixing his meds. But, and I respectmy parentsSO much for this- they didn't let him use that as an excuse for not doing something. When he was better, he was back in school, and back in sports. I think that is part of the reason why he was able to outgrow it.


Although I have SERIOUS issues about parents homeschooling their own children (I think it's a massive conflict of interest), I'm not going to outright say it should never be done (because it may legitimately work for some people). However, I think it is just outright wrong to pull a kid out of traditional school for a day or two because you hear of someone who was sick.


*amber*

While I value your opinion, how much do you know about homeschooling? We are a member of a homeschool association and we do so many things with other homeschooling families. There are many, many children that are homeschooled and many of them do BETTER on SAT's. There is a lot of information on homeschooling. I am not saying you have to like this type of education but personally I feel my children are getting a much better education at home. I dont think its fair to say no children should be homeschooled. People have different opinions and personalities and just because some choose to educate at home doesnt mean they are doing the wrong thing. I am sure each and every parent wants the best for their children. It takes a lot of work, dedication, consistency, structure, patience, and organization to homeschool. Especially if you have different aged children like myself. I am actually very proud of myself and my children for doing so well. I am proud of my children because theyhave come a long way. There is no way they wouldknow what they know now if they were in public school! They are in a loving and educational atmosphere! I too am all into education. I have a college education and feel very capable of providing a better education than our school system can provide. My oldest son is in 10th grade. He tested out of some of his subjects and is on an 11th grade level in those. He's been out of the public school system since 6th grade. My children are very well behaved. They have plenty of social fu

[beadgirl]

Thank God someone else said this first. I have been wondering if Amber truely is an emet! I didn't want to start any trouble though.... Amber: I know there are a lot of people on this website that are better at beating this phobia than I am ( I guess you're on of them) But I also know there are people on here that are a lot worse off than me. I sympathize with them, not berate them for how they're currently feeling or about the questions they ask.

[beadgirl]

PS... I figured mistyeyes would agree because there seems to be a camaraderie between these two. This is a place for support. So if you're gonna reply to someone's posts, i think you need to support them not belittle them in their time of need! WTF!

[crimgoddess]

A) Beadgirl- For the record- I have never berated anyone. That would imply that I have made fun of someone, or outright called them a name or something of the sort. Just because I disagree with someone's opinion, it does not mean that I am calling them stupid. There is a definite difference. We're all adults here, we should be able to discuss something without one party getting angry because someone didnt give them the answer they want to hear.


B) Madisonsmom- I'm sure you are a very competent teacher for your kids. I did do some research on it a few years ago (long story involving a family member), and also lived with a few people who were homeschooled when I was in my undergrad. I didn't say that it should NEVER be done- because I don't believe in absolutes, and I can see how the public school system in some areas leaves a lot to be desired. I just have issues with it- I think kids sometimes need a break from their parents, and it can be hard for both the parent and the child at times to separate the roles of parent/teacher and child/student. My friends who were homeschooled talked about this problem at length. I guess what I'm saying is that I personally, have problems with the idea of homeschooling- I'm not saying that no one should do it, or that you are wrong for doing it. I just would not make that choice. That's all.


C) THANK YOU Misty. You summed up the point I was trying to make quite nicely (and more briefly than I ever could- too long winded for my own damned good it would seem!). People all come to this site for different reasons- sometimes those reasons don't mesh with each other. What can you do?


D) Californiagirl- You're right, I don't have kids so I don't know the bond between parent and child(and all that yadda yadda)- but, I don't think that invalidates my opinion. I don't agree with children staying home from school unless they are sick themselves. I have ideological issues with homeschooling. To me, having an opinion on those issues is not contingent on having children. On the latter- I have done research and lived with people who are homeschooled. That is what grounds my opinion. And my opinion, just because it is not similar to yours, does not mean that you are 'wrong'. I just disagree with you.


*amber*Edited by: crimgoddess