Sex question : females only

[Babydoll]

I posted this question sometime ago, but I thought I might try to get some more answers.


do you guys have any correlation between your desire not to loose control ( emet) and orgasm problems?


I can see how these two are related because they both involve giving up control, and letting your body do what it needs to do.


here's my problem : I have never had an orgasm. not with a partner, not with myself ( lol). I dont think actually getting to the point of orgasm is my trouble, its just the letting go, I seem to have some sort of mental block up. The want, and desire is there, I just seem to hit an alarm system when my body feels that urge to let go, and instead of doing so, I clentch my muscles and will not allow it to happen. I think my main reasons is because it is an unknown feeling for me, Im kind of afraid of it.


does anyone else have/had this issue, or could say something that might give me a "light bulb" moment so I think about it as not loosing control, but gaining something?

[mitch04133]

I have no problem in that department. (and you know it Scott if you are reading this) I have never really thought about it as losing control...more feeling good. I don't know what you are feeling, but I can say I know what you are missing. Maybe you haven't found the right partner...sometimes it helps to have a strong emotional bond with someone in order to "lose control". Sorry I can't be more help.


Michele

[californiagirl]

I totally understand where your coming from (jeez--no pun intended--lol) I had the exact same problem! I always had trouble "letting go". I would always stiffen up when a partner would ask me what I want, what will make me feel good. I could never answer them. Kinda kills the mood, ya know? Well, when I met mu hubby, he would always tell me, relax, LET yourself go..... He would be soooo gentle, and made it all about ME, and took as long as it took with me. Here's my advice, which, at times, worked for me also: Maybe work yourself up to the moment. Fantasize, be vocal, watch a movie[img]smileys/smilies_03.gif[/img], have LOOONNNGGG foreplay, please HIM, etc. I found that pleasing my hubby totally turned me on, seeing him pleasured. You have to know that you are beautiful, and deserve to be satisfied. Don't let this damn emet crap take that away from you! Try pleasing yourself also, get an idea of what works for you, and put that into play when you're with someone. HOPE THIS HELPS . . . . .

[crazybeautiful]

I think you're missing out! LEt go and enjoy it!!

[shiva]

Never had that problem, sorry... I always have an orgasm. You should really work on that, though. It's great tension release!!!

[kate1966]

Do yourself a BIG favor...and just let go hunny!!! You will love it....I promise...you will be ok i promise.....and you will wonder what in the world you have been worried about Good luck.

[mistyeyes]

I used to have the same problem, too afraid to orgasm because of the sensation of losing control. The way I got over, what worked for me, was learning to give myself an orgasm. Once I could do it for myself, it became a lot easier to give up control to someone else.


Maybe this will make you feel better about it. I did not have my first orgasm until I was 30 (I am now almost 35), so nobody could be more embarassed about it than I am! LOL


Honestly, once you can allow yourself to lose control and let yourself go, you will be so happy you did because a great orgasm (especially if you have a caring partner that knows what he or she is doing) is so wonderful, freeing, and stress-reducing. Believe ME! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[tayda]

LOL.. I'm in the school library... trying to block the monitor with my head!


Take it from everyone else... just let go... it's great... it's kind of why I'm bummin' about the prozac... but hey... I'll get there... just calm down, and get wild! (hehe)

[kellybean]

LOSE CONTROL!!!! It's the best!!!

[babygap5]

Don't be afraid of it. I agree with some of the other posts, you have to have a connection to your partner, which makes it easier. Just keep trying, that's the fun part, the practicing is actually fun!!

[e-lizabeth]

I had that problem too, for many many years. I'd get to a certain point and then just stop myself because of fear of going over the abyss. It wasn't until I met the man who is now my husband, at 27, that I had my first orgasm....after that, there was no stopping me.


Serious advice.....do it yourself first. If you want help letting go, either have a drink, smoke a joint or something, and then spend some time by yourself in an environment where nobody is going to walk in on you and you feel totally safe (well, as safe as an emet can ever feel). Explore yourself for a while without thinking about the need to get to orgasm, just keep going with what feels good.


Oh, and another great piece of advice. Get yourself a good vibrator!

[pretty polly]

The title of this post is amusing - I wonder actually how many males
are reading this coz they're not supposed to! (And I wonder how
many of them would actually admit it!)

[*mandi*]

Dont be afraid of it! ITs amazing if you just let it go! Trust me...you'll be letting go all the time! hehe

[samara's on tv]

Orgasms are GREAT! Sadly I've never had one with another person I'm still a little bit of a virgin [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]but I have had them by pleasuring myself. It's probably a good idea for you to try doing it yourself first. Once you are by yourself and can have an orgasm it might be easier to let someone else do it for you.


~Monica

[suze]

I agree with E-Lizabeth - get a vibrator! It'll give you a very intense feeling, very quickly, you won't want to stop!! Actually, if I'm feeling anxious,even a little n*, an orgasm makes me feel better. Do let yourself go. You'd be suprised, but if you're alone, you can control it to some extent, as you're the one operating the machinery[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]!! Don't fear it...it's a wonderful feeling.


And if you're feeling brave and take all our advice, be sure to let us know how it all went!!

[bexcelica]

i agree with everyone else. its something you dont want to miss.



with me it happens one day but the next time it wont.. its very random.
i wish i could orgasm every time. that would be great. its so
frustrating not to...



seriously though, give in to it!!!!!!

[Babydoll]

LOL, you guys are the best.


I actually have a few vibrators locked away in what I call my "tickle trunk", lol.


maybe its time I blew the dust off of them and tried them again. You guys are totally right though, I just have to stop being so serious about it and accept the fact that my body is going to do some wierd things, even funny things, and its nothing to be scared of. I tell myself over and over, but actually doing it is the hard part.


As soon as exams are over, Im gonna whip out the old tools and give em a go! haha. maybe set up a bubble bath, and get all relaxed.


I never thought about the guys who would be reading this just cause its a talk about sex and their not supposed to, its kinda funny. It doesnt really bother me though!





if you guys can do it, I can do it!! ( now this is going to be fun homework....)

[Babydoll]

LOSE CONTROL!!!! It's the best!!!

I absolutlely love this quote!!

[lizzo]

oh my, you poor girl! seriously, vomiting and orgasming are both fAR FAR FAR away on the losing control spectrum.



ahh, just let go, it may even help your emet!

[californiagirl]

ENJOY!!!!!!!!


....one piece of advice though.....make sure the batteries still work! It would totally suck to get all in the mood, then the darn thing is dead![img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img]

[ontariogirl]

I am like bexcelcia, it happens and the next time it won't. I have learned to relax and let go. Orgasms are such a stress relief. Some times it can be so great that I end up balling, the good balling!!

[hippychick]

Good for you! I'd say just relax, chill out. Don't make orgasm the main objective because if you do and get stressed over it it won't ever happen. Just chill out and go with what feels good and even if you don't have an orgasm you will still feel chilled and relaxed. I used to have major issues with this but got over them with my first GF, we connected so well that we could laugh over anything that was funny and not be so tense. And hey at least if anything embarrassing happens you will be on ya own and can deny it hehe

[hollyjean]

I used to be exactly the same. Before i orgasm i get this really intense feeling that i need to pee so i alwayds held it back because i was scared i would loose control and pee all over my poor bf! Then one day i just couldnt hold it back and had a very intense one. i was so embarrassed that my bf would think i had peed all over him and i ended up crying and in a right state but he was so cool about it! He told me not to worry and he knew i hadnt peed on him, he was actually really proud of himself! (typical man! lol). Since then i can usually orgasm three of four times in a row because im not scared of loosing control of it anymore. Infacti cannot make it happen if i try to do it on my own, my best freind bought me vibrators for christmas two years running (lol)and they just do nothing at all for me, onlymy bf can make it happen so im happy to just give up control because he knows best :P


If like me you get the sensation thatr you need to pee, go to the bathroom right before. IT is scary the first time, but after that you know how it feels and it gets easier. I think having the right partner does help, iv been with my bf nearly 4 years and it was only a few months ago that it properly happened for me too.

[ontariogirl]

My doctor told me when I am done after having intercourse to go pee. That way you pee out whatever is in there so you won't get an infection. He can't use condoms on me because I am allergic to latex, plus my tubes are tied and we have been together for a long time and I know we haven't screwed around

[Babydoll]

Im so glad Im not alone on this one!! I know alot of women have trouble reaching orgasm, but none of my friends seem to have ANY trouble, so Ive never had anyone relate to it before!! thanks for the tips!

[ph0bic]

Hahaha, I find it funny how women are so nuturing and compassionate, yet, there are still things that we don't dare share witheachother.


I think a lot of women have this problem. I would even imagine quitea few of your friends having it too, at one point or another. But here's my thoughts.


Vibratorsscare me. Not like spiders, but it's not sexy at all to shove a big plastic anything inside myself. Not that I go around inserting random objects, buteven things intended for that purpose, despite my curiousity or arousal, seem seriously un-natural. If you're having some kind of mental block, I wouldwork on your"man to hand relationship" Feel yourself out, getcomfortable down there. Sense what feels good, what's not so good.


I also think you need tofigure out why you're so scared of letting yourself go. With v*, it's aknown to be aunpleasent experiance, while orgasmsare hardly unpleasent.What are youreally afraid of? Body image? Urinating?What do you worry about when it comes time for the big "o"?Or are you just worrying about worrying?


I suggest a good ol' fashioned night of self love. Make it sexy for you. Video's, soft lighting, whatever makes you hot. Play around and have fun. If you get frustrated stop and try again another time. There is no right or wrong way, just what's good for you. Don't judge yourself by other peoples experiances, because we all work diffrently. It took me a while to get there, just like a lot of the posters in this group. It all happened at diffrent times and diffrent ways for each of us.


You're curious and able, two very good things whenever attepting something new. Practice makes perfect, so jump in bed and have some fun with yourself.