How Did This Happen to Me?

[maverick36]

Howdy Folks,


I just stumbled across this site the other day after a web search under the topic of "fear of v". I punched in these words to see what would come back and was shocked to see a phobia with an actual name. I may be in the minority here as I am a 36 year old male, married with 2 kids. It seems the posts are slanted a bit more to the female side. I also read that emets are more likely to be female, not that thismatters. My thing is that I don't have a fear of the actual act, but rather a fear of being embarrassed or seen doing it.Ithink it is a mix of agorophobia and this emetthing I just discovered.I have spent some time reflecting on my childhood in trying to figure out how this has happened. I remember a sv hitting our house at Thanksgiving when I was 10 years old. It knocked all of us on our back side for almost a week.I then went over 20 years with never contracting a sv or even v*** until my daughter was born in 2001.


She came down with a sv at 8 mos of age and I immediately got it. She has had a couple of them since then I and seem to always get them. The last one I fought off by excessively washing my hands and handling her carefully. I don't know what it is but I am obsessed with the thoughts of getting sick. It has hindered my personal and professional life. Traveling on airplanes is torture. I carry a spare bag with me and don't eat for 24 hours before my trip. I guess I'm terrified I'll become illand make a scene. I don't like to be driven anywhere as I won't be able to escape if I feel like I am becoming sick. I can feel n*** for a few hours and then be fine later in the day. I think I also may have a touch of IBS as I have had mixed bowel habits every since I was a kid.


I don't know why I am posting this but I am just putting my little problem out here as a first step to understanding what the hell is wrong with me. I function pretty well with the exception of this problem. My wife doesn't even know about it nor have I told any member of my family. This has helped me a bit. Perhaps by reading more of the posts on this site I will get more perspective.

[emms]

Welcome to our little community! We are here to support and get each other though this crazy phobia! Welcome!!

[meercat]

Welcome Maverick!

I'm happy that you found this site, it's wonderful! Yep, sounds to me like your like the rest of us Emetophobics. Your symptoms fit! We all have varying degrees of this phobia...Mine being that i am scared of ANYTHING that has to do with v*ing. Whether it's "myself" or "anyone else" around me who i fear may be about to v*. It's a horrible fear to have, and it can become very debilitating, as you know. I am 38 and have had this for as long as i can remember. My phobia is so deeply embeded in me that i refuse to even have children :-( for fear of morning sickness or the fact that children v* quite frequently! Now there are plenty of Emet parents on here, some who can handle it pretty well when their kids are sick, but some can not at all!

You will come to find how similar we all are. I was completely SHOCKED to say the least, that i actually wasn't alone! I really thought i WAS! It is a wonderful relief to know there are SO many ppl who share this exact phobia!! Ya know Maverick, just KNOWING that, eases my fear considerably! I'm not sure why, but it just does, and i'm eternally grateful to John (the creator of this website) for putting it "out there" for other's to see! It's been a real blessing for me, and i know i can speak for everyone else on here too!

Take heart and know you are FAR from being alone in this :-) Take a look around and read a lot of the posts...i think you'll find "yourself" in the words of many of them!!

God bless you and again...Welcome!! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

Paula

[suze]

Hi Maverick, welcome to the site! Hope you find it useful andcomforting. I'm exactly like you...although I perhaps fear the 'act' a little more. My main fear though is being seen to v*, although it has never happened to me in public. I too can't drive any distance with anyone else in the car. I can't go anywhere where there are crowds of people and no escape route. Wherever I go, I suss out the nearest toilets, quiet alley-way, dark bush! Anywhere that I could go to hide so I'm not seen. I even hate having people in the house, just incase I need to v* and someone hears me. I don't go anywhere, even to school, without a carrier bag. I can fly, but I need to down a couple of gin and tonics to relax me!


I'm wondering whether you should confide in your wife - it might take some of the pressure off you when you are out and about. She probably won't understand completely but she's sure to empathise. This phobia can be debilitating, but you've got people here who understand completely. You're not alone.

[meercat]

Oh, i failed to mention that i'm not quite sure either, what exactly triggered my emetophobia! I have "some ideas", but as you said too, i need to just really take the time and think as far back as i can and recall memories from childhood (since i know that's where this all began). So just know that MOST, if not all of the good ppl on here, really aren't sure where it all began or WHY! :-) This is a learning process for all of us :-)

Paula

[maverick36]

Thanks for the welcome!It feels better to know that there are "others" out there. What strikes me as odd is that this phobia just hit me in the last 2-3 years..since my kids were born. The crazy thing is that I have never v*** in public nor really felt like I was going to. I have actually v*** 4x in the last 25 years so the odds are pretty good that it won't happen when I'm out and about. The weird part is that if Im at home, I don't care if I am sick...it's just when I am out.


I also have found myself scanning for the nearest restrooms in malls, stores, restaraunts. When I fly for business, I'm afraid of getting sick, not of the darn plane crashing into the ground or evensome crazy guy storming the cockpit! The plane could be rolling all over the place and I'm scared that my stomach is going to betray me.


Thanks again for the welcome. I'll be checking in time and again.

[suze]

My fear of v* in public started about 6 years ago when a friend of mine who was pregnant at the time v* in work on a very busy staircase. It freaked me out and triggered a real fear of that happening to me. She got over it but it's left me with real hang ups!

[meercat]

LOL how alike we are!! I am the exact same. I could care LESS if the plane falls out of the sky (ok that's a bit of a stretch hehe, but you know what i mean), i'm ONLY just terrified of motion sickness and having to v* on the plane haha! I will fly but not without Dramamine!!
I also do the scanning around for the EXITS or BATHROOMS in all public places...just in case! This is a crazy fear, but we all have the same idiosynchrasies!! hehe! It really isn't funny, but sometimes ya gotta make light of it and laugh at the things we do to make ourselves feel better!

[liriodendron]

RE the sex thing, I think the majority of people on this forum are
female but the IE society was started by a male. And I'm a male and
there's some others here too. In fact the only E-phobe I met in person
was a male too.



I guess it's safe to say coming down with gastroenteritis doesn't cure
the phobia. Comforting to know you can go 20 years without it happening
though.

[meercat]

Yes indeed you can go 20 years or more, i'm living proof of that. This Jan 1st, it'll be 26 years since i last v*ed. ALthough, i think twice in the 80s i had dry heaves, but that doesn't count LOL!!

[gubba]

Welcome Maverick...


I can remember finding this site and thinking how amazed I was that others were exactly like me. What an odd fear and to find 100's of others with the same exact fear and that do the same exact weird things that I do. I fell in love with this place and I have gotten such wonderful support. I am 41, a mother of one and my husbadn does know about my fear. I will say that he is marvelous and supportive so that when my son is sick, he steps up and does the job I can't do Now, that said, can he ever really understand how I feel??? NO. The reason I can say that is because I can't figure out how people are afraid of spiders and that is a hugh phobia. Can you imagine being scared of something that you can just walk away from or step on and walk off?? To me, that is odd and so I can only imagine what others must think of us. I do think it would take some pressure off if you told your wife, but I do understand that you choose to maybe not say anything. I have been this way my whole life, so I can't say that it just happened with my child being around. I do think that it is worse at times, and better at other times, but it is always a part of my life.


I wish we knew how this awful thing got us, but I do know that the support you get on this site will make life easier just knowing that we are all here to help. We can't cure you, but since it is not so easy to just wipe this out, take heart in knowing that we all care and understand you.

[pretty polly]

Hi Maverick - welcome to the site. I'm sure it really will help you
come to terms with the phobia that you have.
I'm curious. Are you only fearful of other people seeing you v*, or do
you have an aversion to seeing other people do it too? Because as
far as I can tell, we fear others seeing us do it because of how awful
we feel if we see others doing it. Does that make sense? Do you cope
well with v* when you are tidying up your childrens?
There is plenty of help to be found here. Alot of people get therapy
or medication. But you probably need a bit of time to come to terms
with the fact that you have "a real phobia" first, because its quite a
shock when you first realise.