i never knew

[gregwilliams26]

i am 26 and havent v* for almost 14 years. i don't know how to anymore for some reason and the thought of it scares me and i don't have any other fear but that. i am a soldier in the us army and i suffer from post traumatic stress disorder and that just makes it worse. i don't know how it started or when it will ever end everyone looks at me funny when i have an attack i shake and mumble to myself about how much i hate myself. i just found out tonight that there was a term for what is wrong with me and i want to get rid of it. i have been dealing with this for years and no one has understood it. when ever anyone is sick i fell sick and food born illnesses set off attacks to no end. i need help.


thanks for reading this, greg

[beadgirl]

welcome greg! I have no idea how you do it in the army! I bet you come across a lot of v*! Were you overseas? Welcome again and we are all here for you!

[crimgoddess]

Hey greg-


Just to keep your mind at ease- as mentioned in a post awhile ago, it's impossible to 'forget' how to vomit, as you never really learn. It's a biological response- your body will know what to do when the time comes. Even though its been a really long time since the last time you vomitted, if it's going to happen your body will take over and know what to do (even though you may be freaking out, haha).


Emet with PTSD- are you currently undergoing any sort of therapy? Those combined could be a big issue to take on by yourself.


*amber*

[gregwilliams26]

yes i have done 2 tours in iraq in about as many years and it just made everything worse. right now i am stationed in germany and it is horrable.

[gregwilliams26]

yea crim i was on zoloft but i didn't like the way it made me feel so i don't take it no more and i was given clonapin and that helps for the panic attacks.

[beadgirl]

What didn't you like about the zoloft? Thats what i'm on right now and the only thing I hate is the sexual side effect. Sorry to hear you were in Iraq but glad you're here to talk with us!

[gregwilliams26]

the sex thing and feeling loopy all the time.

[beadgirl]

Well, I hope what you're on now is working okay for you...panic attacks are the worst! I hope we can help you out![img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[gregwilliams26]

i don't have anything ever time i go back they want to put me in some group with people i can't relate to. so i put up with them the best i can.

[gregwilliams26]

has anyone ever inflicted physical pain to stop attacks or am i the only one?


i am not crazy or am i? greg

[beadgirl]

inflicted what kind of pain?

[gregwilliams26]

like pinching the hell out of yourself. i do that and punch my thighs till they bruse sometimes. but only when im driving sometimes other times on planes and helicopters.

[beadgirl]

hmm...Isometimes pound on my chest because the panic pains feel like a heart attack. not so weird i guess

[mistyeyes]

Hi, greg!


Welcome to the site and thank you for your service to freedom.


Wow! I don't know how you do it. I could never imagine being in the army with my fears. You should be proud of how brave you are.

[samara's on tv]

Welcome Greg. You should be proud of yourself for all that you have accomplished. I wanted to join the Army but I can't because of the medications I'm on. And I know what you mean about hurting yourself when you panic...I scratch at my arms like all the time when that happens.


Thanks for serving us and the country!


~Monica

[gregwilliams26]

ty misty but i dont consider myself brave. its a job that someone has to do. you gotta take the good with the bad with this job but i'm managing i guess. i twitch all day at work from anxiety and i have got used to it.

[mistyeyes]

Hmmm, since everybody is talking about what they do during a panic attack, I will bring what I do up.


I dig into and pull at the skin on my arms, grab my hair sometimes and pull at the roots, and sometimes I curl up into a ball, hands over my ears, eyes tightly shut, and scream in terror. I usually say something like "God, please let me die!" over and over again, like a mantra, although I don't know why, because I am agnostic and don't really believe there is a god that is listening to me.


Well, now I am embarassed for telling everyone this. It's not helping my social phobia any. [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]Edited by: mistyeyes

[gregwilliams26]

don't be embarassed if its what you do to stay saine then so be it.

[mistyeyes]

Thanks! I know I shouldn't get embarassed, but I have TWO phobias, emetophobia and social phobia. The emet is worse, but when I have a panic attack, I also feel like everyone is watching me and making judgements because of my social phobia.

[gregwilliams26]

yea everyone watches me when i go off the deep end all the time.

[rubysoho120]

Hey I know how it is. If you ever need to talk, feel free to write me [email protected]. -Ruby

[crystalmom]

Welcome Greg! I totally understand what you are goign through. A few things...


1. I also had the sexual side effects with Zoloft, and was changed onto Paxil. Maybe that could be an option! (I must admit, I thought it was the same thing, and i would never like sex again....bug I realized I hated sex with my husband! LOL! Now that we are divorced, and I am in a relationship again, I DO like sex....YAY!)


2.It is hard to find people to relate to, b/c most people don't really understand how someone can be scared of a natural bodily function. WE do understand, however, and are always around!


3. As a Canadian, I want to tell you that I think you are very brave and a hero. Anyone who was in Iraq (or any war for that matter) is truely an amazing person.


4. I also inflict pain on myself during panic attacks. I bite my lip, scratch at my legs, or pich as hard as I can. I have gone a little loopy once, and scratched at my face and wrists enough to draw blood and leave scars!


Anyway, sorry this is so long! Good luck, and i hope you get to come back to the US soon!


Crystal

[aussielaura]

Welcome.


First offno one thinks your crazy except yourself so hopefully this site will help show that person your not crazy! I dont hurt myself when i have an attack and neither should anyone else, think about the additional pain you are all causing yourself. It may be a distraction for you but once the attack is gone you will have scars all over you because of this self harming.


And greg we are all here for you and we all understand what your going through and the most important thing is we dont judge.


Laura

[sallyw]

I too am the same. I start pinching my arms. I also feel the need to sit up in bed and not move at all which is very strange! I literally sit up and dontmove til I dare. I start wishing and hoping and praying that I;ll be ok, or sometimes wish I was dead! Great!

[aussielaura]

Aww Sally please dont wish you were dead. Some1 out there would be devastated and you know. I cant bear to think there are emets out there hurting themselves i didnt know this cause could effect us in that way and now (i dont mean to gloat i promise) i begin to realise i dont have that bad a case of emet as i thought.We are all here remember that.

[sallyw]

Thanks. I thinkthe majority of the time its just saying it Im selfish I dont actually wish I was but its just cos at the time u feel so bad and ill that you think you'd rather not be here. But no I dont really wish I was dead at all no way! But I am so paranoid of being ill that it takes over and its horrible it totally rules your life. I think really Im pathetic and I tell my self but what can u do? Its good to talk on here by the way never knew this existed til last week.

[aussielaura]

Yeah i only found out about a month ago and now i come on it alot and i find it helps. Do you?

[sallyw]

Actually yes because I always thought untillast wekk that I was just weird and nobody else felt this way. Then I found this and I was totally amazed. Its good to know that other people feel the same. Everyone at home cant believe how strange I am! When they feel ill the first thing I ask is 'Do u feel sick?' Its like a running joke now in our house. I feel sooo stupid sometimes. Where ru from? Its becoming worse for me as I get older is that the same for you?

[mommyof3]

Hey, just wanted to thank you for your service. My husband has PTSD from the Gulf War and takes Zoloft. It really does seem to help him with the anxiety and dreams. He doesn't like the side effects either but it's getting better the longer he is on it. He also takes Xanax when he is jittery. Do you have the dreams? I hate it when he dreams. I have to wake him up right away or he can't get over them for days. Sometimes he stands up and "re-enacts" stuff. It's scary. But I am proud of him and what he did and realize that he wasn't the one who made the decisions for what happened and was doing his job. He's starting to realize it, too.


I'm an emet, so I can *kind of* empathize with you about all of this, althoughI can't honestly imagine what it would be like to have both of these issues.I hope you have a competent therapist. My husband suppressed everything for years and I didn't even have a clue. Right after his "incident" the powers that be told him to "just get over it and forget about it." Now he realizes that he needed to talk through it and stop blaming himself. It's still hard. I hope things have changed somewhat and you are getting the help you need.


I hope you stick around here and can find support from all of us.