Marriage?

[pianolover]

I'm looking for advice from married emets on this one! I know my boyfriend wants to get married basically as soon as I finish my BMus (which is in about a year and a half), but I have this urge to "get rid of" the emetophobia first. He has already been so supportive about it - he was the second person I told, after my therapist - but I don't want it to become a burden for him that will put strain on our relationship. It is seriously enough to make me put off marriage because of this problem - I want it to be gone! Is this unrealistic of me? How tough is it to copewith this when you're living with someone, even if they're very supportive and try to understand?


Love and thanks!

[happyteacher]

Pianolover


Living with someone you love and who love and accepts you just the way you are is the way to get better. There isn't one of us that could get better without the support of someone. In my experience it makes coping that much easier.


I have been married for a year (my anniversary was on October 30) to the most wonderful and supportive man. He comes to EVERY therapy session with me, helps me with my exposure therapy and supports me no matter how irrational my behaviour gets. That's what marriage is about; loving someone no matter what. I am lucky enough to have that. My husband and I have decided to have a baby in spite of my emetophobia. I KNOW he will be there for me every step of the way and I owe him my life for that. I love him so very much.


Marriage is too wonderful to let emetophobia dictate when and who we marry. If you love him enough to recognize he is your soul mate for life, then go for it! Getting better many take years and shouldn't have a time limit.


That's my 2 cents.


happyteacher

[sillygirl]

I have been married for a little over 2 years. I couldn't imagine getting through this emet without him. Yes, there are time sit is tough like when he is sick or something, but he is also very supportive and is really trying to help me through it. I am glad I didn't wait until my emet went away or we still wouldn't be married.


I felt the same way about having kids though. I wondered if we should wait until my emet was gone. But even my thereapist said that the best way to get over your fears is to face them. SHe tells me to do the things I am uncomfortable with, and then I eralize that they really aren't that bad. Of course everyone is different, but it is working for me!

[crystalmom]

I conquer with all! If your b/f is supportive and lovingof this phobia, don't hold off getting married. It could take years to be completely "cured" and then what? Get married, be happy and face this together.


Crystal[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[tayda]

I totally agree w/ what everyone has said on this board. I'm not married yet, but I am engaged. There are times when it is tough, but he is SO supportive of myself and son. We both have our own problems at times, and we help eachother through them. Don't let this fear get the best of you or stop you from living life. Life is too short to be a prisoner to something that is in your head. There have been times that I've been scared to do things, but do it to get the experience. I went to Salem last weekend, and I really didn't want to take the trains or commuter rails to get there, but everyone we went with decided that it was the best way. I told my fiance of how scared I was that someone would be sick in there and that we'd all be trapped and maybe get sick. Or maybe someone who was sick was sitting in the spot that I was sitting in and that I'd get sick if I didn't wash my hands soon enough. (crazy I know). And he made me feel soooooo much better. I'm so lucky to have him! He is truely my other half. We will get married one of these days, but I won't delay b/c of emet, and neither should you.

[*mandi*]

I SO want to get married too. Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years now...and he still hasnt asked me yet. And I think it may be b.c. of the fear We have been living together for the past 3 years. And he knows that I get all wacko about V* but he doesnt really quite understand my fear. But if someone truly loves you...they will be there for you and understand. Try not to miss out on the beautiful things in life b.c. of it.


In all honesty...I dont know if i could go through with it...I know I would feel really N* and nervous walking down the isle. Id be too scared that I might V* at my own wedding! Id be too scared to go anywhere to get married. IT sounds so ridiculous. You should be happy on your wedding day...but Iknow Id be sick the whole time

[pianolover]

I had thought about that too, Mandi! What if I have a v*-related panic attack right before I'm supposed to walk down the aisle?! And I'm sure I'll have no alcohol served at my possible future wedding!!


Thank you all for your encouraging responses

[gubba]

marrying the right man can make all the difference in the world in all of your life choices. for example...I have a wonderful husband who knew of my phobia before we married, maybe not the extent of it, but he knew. We have been together for 7 years now and he does know exactly how bad it is and he is my biggest supporter and help in getting better. When our son is sick, my husband steps right up and helps to deal with my son and makes me realize that V* isn't pleasant for anyone, but that we can deal with it. We do. It becomes a "WE" deal with this EMET demon verses "I" deal with it.


If you love this man, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT, let this evil force of EMET stand in your way. Stomp on the emet monster and marry him and love him. There is nothing more meaningful than a wonderful marriage, and forming a loving family. What if this emet thing is harder to rid yourself of than a few years...would you want to miss out on the love of your lifebecause the thing you hate most in your life is ruling you??? No!!!

[staciekini20]

Get married! Do not let the phobia stop you from getting married...I must admit the wedding was hard I thought I was sick the whole day because of nerves then I left the wedding dance early because I did not want to see anyone p*.....My huband is just starting to try and be supportive, he laughs at me a lot and does not quite understand, but thankfully for the first time since I hve had this fear I am going to seek professional help!

[japa]

The issue here to me is one of consent. If your partner consents to marry you in full knowledge and understanding of the phobia, then go for it. He is an adult, so he can judge if he wants to be with you, and he truly can support you toward a cure.


I think the issue of having kids is a separate one because the child cannot consent and is a helpless dependent. Here, I think that it would be best to be cured and have kids after the cure.

[dreamscorceress]

I developed Emet during my first year of marriage. I can't even begin to describe how my husband has comfort me in my times of need. (even before I knew this had a name) i know if I have a panic attack he is there. I'm not alone. Think about it.... if he helps you now think about how he is going to be there always.


For your wedding day just try to make it as stress free as possiable. It's well worth it.

[aguerra29]

I agree with everyone. Get Married. You don't have to be "perfect" to get married. And it is so wonderful to know you have someone there who will always be supportive. Of course, husbands get tired sometimes, but that is normal. They are only human. As long as I keep doing things to get better, my husband will be there for me. If I crawl up in my bed and cry, then he shows me tough love.

My wedding day was one of the best days of my life. I had no anxiety. I expected to be a basket case. My mom passed away 6 and half years ago and I was an only child and well, you get the idea. Anyway, I made it through the day without so much as a racing heartbeat. I knew I was doing the right thing. If you plan well and know that something will always go wrong, you should be prepared for whatever the day brings.

I won't lie to you and tell you marriage is all fun and games all the time. It's not. It takes work from both of you. You both will continue to grow after the wedding. And you always need to communicate.