Having a Hard Time Dealing With This

[dreamincolor]

I just found the board tonight and read some of your posts and replies, and since you all seem like a very nice bunch I'm hoping for a listening ear. I've lived with this issue for as long as I can remember, I'm 39 yrs old. I have a couple things I want to ask, first...


When you have been exposed to you know what, do you totally stop eating with the thought that if you should happen to get it too there won't be anything in your stomach? I once went 10 days without eating, I lived on water, 7-up and two saltines a day.


Also, has this phobia caused you to have anxiety/panic attacks? Has the phobia made you house bound, like a prisoner in your own body? Afraid to leave the house in case you might v? I'm finding it harder and harder to leave my house.


Last question,,has anyone ever gotten disability for the panic disorder associated with this?


Thank you all in advance for your listening ear, I am just having a tremendously difficult time with myself lately. I went to bed last night and woke up an hour later with n* and panicked for 3 hours. I was afraid to go to sleep, I was afraid of everything, I paced back and forth for a long time, crying, calling myself stupid, and knowing if anyone seen me I would have been taken away in a white coat. I've done a good job of hiding this from everybody, but I totally fall apart when I am by myself. Any advice?

[bexcelica]

Hey. Welcome to the site! To answer your questions, i will say that I
have never stopped eating because of this phobia... I know a lot of
people on here have though.. so that is not abnormal at all.



Yes, I have avoided leaving home and doing many things because I was
afraid I might v*... The funny thing is, if we v* at home or out, we
still v*.. I guess the comfort of our homes helps us.



And yes, I have had MANY panic attacks because of this. You are not
alone in anything you said. As to the disability... I cannot help you
out there. I think others may be able to answer that better than myself.



Anyway, welcome

[smaupi]

I can relate to everything you have written. I have lived with this for years, in fact I remember being a really small child and hiding my ears and head if someone around me would v*. I have absolutely stopped eating for days when I have been exposed, stayed up with panic attacks, sat on the sofa awake for hours becase I thought that maybe I may be feeling funny. I just recently told my husband about what happens to me and he is pretty cool about it, but this forum is so nice because it seems like you are surrounded by people who actually do understand and are going through the same thing you are. It is hard to think you are the only person in the world who would rather die than to deal with a natural bodily function. I feel like my fear absolutely consumes everything about my life. I am hoping that through this website, I will at least gain a group of friends who I know understand.


You are really not alone, I hope that makes you feel a little better.

[pianolover]

Welcome to the site, dreamincolor. I am so glad whenever I see a new person on (I am pretty new too!) because these forums are so helpful - I hope you get as much help from them as I have! It even helps sooo much to know we are not alone!!


When I lived at home I always used to stop eating if someone was sick, or if they even just complained of stomach trouble. My younger sister got sick frequently and I can count the times I have v*d (that I remember) on one hand, but whenever she would v* I would stop eating for as long as my parents didn't notice.


In the past year, the emet has caused me so many panic attacks and so much anxiety and depression, fear of leaving the house, etc.As the others said, you are definitely not alone!!


I'm sorry I don't know anything about your disability question. But again, welcome to the boards!

[kel12347]

Yup, when my emet gets bad, I do all the same things - can't eat, afraid to leave the house. I also used to have panic attacks frequently, but I started medication, and they've calmed down a bit.


As for the disability question, generally a mental illness (and if I remember correctly, panic disorder and specific phobias qualify) has severely limit your functioning in certain ways. Surf the net and you'll be able to find out the information, or contact a lawyer who specializes in SSI disability trials and appeals. Or, if you don't have a lot of $$$, call your local legal aid foundation. Someone there should be able to help you out.


Also, have you looked into therapy? If you can't leave the house at this point, I bet someone would be able to arrange therapy via phone or at your house. You could also buy the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Bourne, and start working on a little therapy yourself. That book is like my bible. Head on over to the Treatments forum, lots of good info on how to get rid of this thing there. I've been in therapy specifically for the emetophobia since June, and I'm going to work my butt off until its gone. Emetophobia sucks!!!!!


Welcome to the site.Edited by: kel12347

[crystalmom]

Welcome dreamincolor....answers too all your questions id a definate YES!!!! I can relate to everything you have said. It can be very debilitating and terrifying. It causes my panic disorder, in which I take meds everyday for. I used to not eat thinking that if I had nothing in my stomach I couldn't V*. I learned differently when I was pregnant with my son, I felt better having something in my stomach. Youmay feel less n* if you have that one banana, or toast, or my personal favorite...I would eat pasta with nothing on it, so it's still bland as to not upset your stomach, but gives you some energy and calms the stomach.


You'll also notice that alot of people here have weight issues b/c of this reason. You don't eat and start to waste away. At my lowest I was 114lbs (I'm 5'9"), and was NOT healthy and looked horrible. Try to get some clories into you, you may be surprised to find you feel better.


Take care, and welcome!


Crystal


PS...another thing I found in pregnancy - it's better to v* something (even water) than nothing at all, b/c THAT is painful!

[liriodendron]

When you have been exposed to you know what, do you totally stop
eating with the thought that if you should happen to get it too there
won't be anything in your stomach? I once went 10 days without
eating, I lived on water, 7-up and two saltines a day.

No. I might eat foods that aren't as rich but I keep eating like
normal. You have to fuel your body's immune system. NOT eating will not
prevent you from throwing up.

Also, has this phobia caused you to have
anxiety/panic attacks? Has the phobia made you house bound, like
a prisoner in your own body? Afraid to leave the house in case
you might v? I'm finding it harder and harder to leave my
house.

It used to. One time I was at the doctors for a checkup or something
and we were talking about gastrointestinal illnesses. He got so
graphic, I fainted! LOL.

And when I used to go out to eat a lot and my regular waitress would
tell me they spent the whole weekend barfing their brains out, I'd
panic. Then I stopped eating out altogether. But things have really
balanced out and I eat out now and I'm probably as close to normal as
I'm going to get with this.

Last question,,has anyone ever gotten disability for the panic disorder associated with this?

Listen to me. You can NOT let this thing prevent you from working or doing what you want to do.

I went to bed last night and woke up an
hour later with n* and panicked for 3 hours. I was afraid to go
to sleep, I was afraid of everything, I paced back and forth for a long
time, crying, calling myself stupid, and knowing if anyone seen me I
would have been taken away in a white coat.

If I woke up N*, I'd be very worried too. But I'd go take some pepto
bismol chewables, turn on the TV, watch the golden girls re-runs for a
while and go back to sleep if nothing happens. There's nothing to be
ashamed about by worrying you're going to be sick. Being sick with an
illness that traps you in the bathroom is a major thing because it
feels like torture and you can't even relax, much less work or go to
school.

Edited by: liriodendron

[*mandi*]

I relate to everything you said. I go without eating so much b.c. I figure if I dont have anything in my stomach I cant V* it up.


Also I amtotally housebound at most times except for going grocery shopping..30 minutes before the store closes!


I get terrible panic attacks and have constant anxietry worrying over this all day and night!


**I was on disability for about a year b.c I was housebound and coudlnt get a job and I needed medical attention. They told me they dont usually give people like me disability...But I got it. If you feel you need to, you should try to get it. The only reason I am not on it now is b.c. I coudlnt leave the house to go back to office to continue it.


But just remember...you are not alone. WE all know what you are going through and we all feel the same way!

[tayda]

Like Bexcelica, I have never STOPPED eatting, but I have avoided eatting anything that people have touched or eatten when they got sick. I can totally relate to avoiding places b/c of this, but for the most part I think I have it under control. Sometimes, when I read people's posts, I realize how lucky I am. And that my condition isn't as severe. But yes, I avoid things and won't eat certain things. If I can't sit in the front of a car, I won't go at all. (I get car sick), and so forth...


welcome to the site

[icicledreamz]

i once had the flu( not the v* kind) and i made myself not eat, and not eatting made me v*, it was actually worse cause i was v* up the stomach acid which really hurt and was really uncomfortable..soo never dont eat cause you think you'll have nothing to v* up cause theres always the stomach acids.

[meercat]

Welcome Dreamincolor!!

Oh yeah, i can relate to some of the things you said! I'm 38 and the last time i V*ed was age 12, but that doesn't stop the constant fear of it! I remember though, that during the times i was sick, i probably didn't eat anything but toast or something soft, maybe for the next couple days after, cuz i was afraid of anything else coming up! But after awhile, the courage came back and i was back to eating normal, but it took a WHILE!!

I agree with what some said, NOT eating will only make you sicker, or feel completely N* for much longer, so please don't stop eating!!!!!

About disability, i have no idea about "full time", but i did have to be on medical leave from work (years back) for about 9 months, due to my extreme anxiety attack and depression from the Emet. Yes, i was next to housebound at one point. But again...PLEASE try not to go that route, cuz once you get used to not working, you pretty much stop living!!! And you'll never get better that way!!! (only MY opinion) Just trying to help ya, hun! :-)

Everyone here is SO supportve, understanding, and compassionate!!! We are like family!! We seem to all share the same brain...as messed up as it is LOL!!

WELCOME and God bless you! :-)

Paula

[staciekini20]

I really have never stopped eating because of emetaphobia but I do know sometimes when i get n* I do not eat for awhile.....I do not think it is weird at all that you stop eating because I can see my self doing that too I just hope I never do....It is really nice to know there are people out there who go through this and I'm not the only one!

[gubba]

I think that we can all relate in some ways to all of this. I do eat a little less thinking that I won't V* so much, but everyone is right...you will still V* but it will be stomach acid and that would be worse. I was like this all last week...my husband and son both had and SV and I was so scared...still am...but I do eat. Now i am eating better than last week, but I stuck to soup, crackers, baked chicken etc. You must eat or your system will not be able to handle keeping a virus away even if you weren't going to get one.


I do panic at night with worry about V* from me, husbandor son and it keeps me up many a night with fear. I hate myself when Ilet that happen, but it is part of this phobia. I feel N* a lot and I just remind myself that I feel like it a lot and I don't V*, so I won't this time either.


I laughed at the watching the GOLDEN GIRLS...I do love to watch them in the middle of the night when I feel sick. They somehow relax my mind and I can drift back to sleep.


We are all so much alike and it is weird that there are so many of us who think the exact same way. Lucky we all have each other!!!

[hollyjean]

Hiya, i can totally relate to your post too. Years ago i was severly
anorexic because i thought if my stomach was empty, i wouldnt v*. Im
now recovered from that, but if something happens and i feel i may have
been exposed, i stop eating, or eat very little until i feel the threat
has passed. I did that this weekend, last week i accidently ate raw egg
so stopped eating for three days, i started eating again last night.



I also tend to sit up all night at times. I fear waking up and v* in
the night, if im awake i feel that i can fight it, but asleep i feel
vulnerable.



I am currently recieving disability living allowance. Im in the UK so
dont know how it works else where but i recieve £16 a week for the next
two years. This is really helping me because im at university full time
at the moment which is a struggle as it is, theres no way i could cope
with working as well as studying. Im on a zero hour contract at
pizzahut at the moment so if im doing ok, i can go and work a few hours
but i havent worked i n about two months now. My parents are
paying my accomodation so i am living off this money to buy food etc. I
would not recommend this instead of working though, its easy to slip
into the habit of not working and feeding your anxiety, iv been there
myself and its hard to get out of.