Need Advice

[shiva]

Okay.. I know this is retarded, but I am having hard times lately and don't quite know what to do about this one...


I think a virus might be going around my daughter's class. The only reason I think this is because she was sick last friday and the girl who sits next to her was out wednesday and she said that she was out because she threw up. Okay.. So, my daughter was invited to a party tomorrow at one of her classmates house. About 15 other kids are going to be there. Because of anxiety I don't at all want her to go. But on the other hand I don't want her to miss out and the logic part of my mind wants her to definitely go.


You all know how our brains work... I am worried because I think that last weekend Jade was sick because of food over indulgence or eating bad chicken. So then I over analyze why this other girl was sick a few days later. So then I ask myself "what if something is going around and Jade gets it?" Then I imagine kids sharing germs at this party. Okay.. Logically I know that kids and everyone else share germs all day every day everywhere they (we) go and there is nothing we can do to avoid that and we may as well live our lives. BUT, the emet thinking is overtaking me after our experience last weekend and I am slipping into a stupor. I am worried that if I let her go I will be asking a thousand questions and make myself worried sick. But, I am also worried about letting my problems take away from her experiences. I also worry that if I don't let her go I will beat myself up forever over it. I have no idea why I am making such a big deal out of this. I haven't been in therapy for 2 months and we had our incident last weekend and since then I cannot make my brain make a whole lot of sense. It's just like I am totally losing it.


So, do I just make myself send her to the party and deal with my internal and illogical feelings about that in silence? I am guessing that's the right thing to do. I am so not used to being like this. What is going on with me????

[mrskatz]

I don't know if I will have a good answer for you, but I will tell you that you sound just like me! I am a rational person in most cases, but this emet stuff gets me completely wound up! I have had this disorder for years and it has been taking over my life only for the last year or so. Just think logically........your daughter probably had a virus and because it was so recent her immunity is still high enough that she won't get a similar one anytime soon. And it sounds like you will be miserable either way--whether she goes to the party or not. So choose the option that will damage the fewest number of people (send her to the party). Douse her in hand sanitizer when she returns! I am not used to feeling this either. Have you thought about seeing a shrink? I have about reached that point myself. Good luck!

[shiva]

Thanks. That is really great advice and a good way to look at it. Afterall, I am used to being miserable... I may as well let her go out and have all the fun she can. Once she is grown I will be glad that I did, I am sure of that. I am in therapy and I don't believe in medication for stuff for this FOR MYSELF. (I realize that lots of other people totally benefit from it) My therapist refuses to see me until I pay her the money I owe, so I am screwed for a while from therapy. Kinda shisty, I know... I am working on it. s***... I am freaking out a little now. My daughter's thing started a week ago w/ a headache and I am having a strange headache now.. Man, do ya think I could be getting this thing???????

[crystalmom]

Shiva...you are a backbone here, from everything I have read in the previous months. So, if it was me with this same dillema, what would you tell me?? You would advise to send her to the party, since why should our kids suffer b/c of our stupid, god-foresaken phobia.


You will be miserable either way. So send her, and let fate take it's course. You'll all be fine.


As for the headache thing...think maybe stress has a bit to do with it? I know that when I am really stressed, all the tension goes to my shoulders and neck, which can give you a strange headache.


Kids get headaches more than we do, and probably her head felt funny b/c she was going to v*, as opposed to a "traditional" headache as we look at them.


Take a hot, soaky bath. No matter what happens, at least you'll get some relaxation out of it. Put some lavender oil in there if you have it. It truely helps with stress/anxiety.


Take care.


Crystal

[smaupi]

I think you have to let her go to the party. I have so many days I don't want to send my child to school because I have heard of someone getting the sf. then I stay up all night worrying, thinking I hear her coming in my room. it's crazy! but as much as it will drive you crazy worrying, if you are like me, you don't want your children to have the same disease (at least that's how I look at my emet.).


Just remember, you are a great parent or you would not worry so much!

[bexcelica]

Shiva, I agree with smaupi... I think you should let her go also. You
may help yourself by letting her go too... She wont get sick and youll
realize that a sv* isnt like the plague and it doesnt infect every
person it comes in contact with. I think you should let her go though,
it will be good for the both of you.

[HDogg]

Everyone had good points here. As an emet, I know how incredibly terrifying it is at the thought of being exposed to germs. I'm not a mother yet, but I work as a server in a restaurant, and already I've been exposed to dozens ofchildren, a few of which were sick while I was working. And I never once got sick, even though there was v* in the restaurant. I freaked out, of course, but I still had to force myself to "get the job done," just like you brave emet moms do a lot.


From a child's viewpoint, I remember going to birthday parties when I was younger and it was always a lot of fun for me. My best friend in elementary school had a party I was jealous of, lol. It was a 50s theme, and we all got dressed up in poodle skirts and saddle shoes (how adorable was that?) I would have been so sad if I missed it. So, as agonizing as it might be for you, what would your child want? I guess that's what being a mommy is all about.


(By the way, I agree with those who say that being a mom is like having two full-time jobs. I give you a lot of credit!)


Jade is such a pretty name. I always thought it would be nice to name my daughter after a jewel--Ruby, Pearl, etc. So pretty!


Anyway, let us know what happens!

[SimplyMe]

The others all had great advice, just wanted to add support as well. You said it yourself, she's at school everyday w/ these kids, if she's going to catch something she will either way, she might as well have fun at a party. You're very strong and very brave, the fact that you consider letting her go speaks volumes to prove that!

[gubba]

Shiva,


As a mom, I know exactly how you feel. I would be going through the same exact emotions. Here's the deal, do we let our kids suffer because we do? NO!!! Do we want them to end up without friends because we are so clogged up in our heads? NO!!! Do we worry even if they don't go to a party? YES!!! Send her and then worry because we all do worry anyway and this way, she can at least have fun. Make certain she washes her hands and she id old enough to understand that. She is with these kids all day everyday and she will be fine.


i am so like you and I am sick of being this way. I wish we could all change and be like the rest of the world, but there must be a reason that so many of us are this way. what was the plan for us???