Kind of a personal question.

[crazybeautiful]

I need some reassurance. I recently started sleeping with my boyfriend and I'm absolutely paranoid of getting pregnant.


How do you get over this fear? I'm on the pill and we use condoms everytime, I'm just so scared that it'll happen to me. The pill is supossed to be 99% effective, but I'm hearing about these girls getting pregnant while using BOTH.


HELP!

[bexcelica]

it is not very probable. its good for you to be so cautious. just enjoy yourself - you are using the proper precautions and you will be fine.

[shiva]

My sister is like that! She's really worried about it, too. She is on the pill, they use condoms with spermicide AND she makes him pull out. NO JOKE! I think that's a little much and I laugh to myself everytime she talks about it, but maybe that's the kind of thing you need to do in order to put your mind at ease and enjoy yourself. (???) With as worried as she is, I am suprised they ever do it!

[kel12347]

It is possible that some of the girls using both methods are using either one or both methods incorrectly. I am also very paranoid about becoming pregnant, mainly due to emet issues, plus I just don't want a child at this time in my life. My boyfriend doesn't quite understand how freaked I am by the whole possibility of pregnancy thing.

[murphy]

It would take a miracle to get preg using all of that protection. You are worrying for nothing. If you continue to feel this kind of stress maybe you should consider not having sex until you are really ready and can enjoy yourself. I sound like someone's mother don't I?


Murphy

[crazybeautiful]

I appreciate it! My mom can only listen to my worries and anxiety so much.


Thank you.


I'm going to the doctors to discuss some issues and such, and I'm going to talk to my boyfriend about it as well.

[*mandi*]

ugh...I go through the same thing also!I think you should be ok. I doubt that you can pregnant. MAybe the people that did get pregnant while using all those methods ...did something wrong...I woudlnt worry about it.


Is that Ryan and Marissa from the oc in your pic? Heh! Im a big fan! Ic ant wait till tomorrow1 ITs back on!

[crazybeautiful]

Yeah it is, lol. I just love the picture! I kind of lost interest in the show though..


[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[bexcelica]

Lets just say this.. I am stupid, and I know I am, and Ive had a few
scares, and I still dont learn but anyways... my point is.. I dont use
anything and Ive neevr been preggo

[crazybeautiful]

You don't use anything at all? That's just ridiculous.


Also, did anyone bleed or was sore afterwards? Or even after the first few times?

[nicki]

I only use the pill and after 3years i have never had a problem (touch wood), I still get sore though quite a bit, i dont think its anything to worry about though!

[samara's on tv]

You won't get pregnant if you are on the pill and using condoms. I know everything is only 99% effective but trustme there are MILLIONS of people having sex out there and there is like a BILLION in one chance of you being in that ONE percent.


~Monica

[HDogg]

Using a pill and condoms is very smart. I think the pill is 99% effective and condoms are like 95% or something, if used correctly. So both at the same time--I'd say you're safe.


My sister used both for four years with her boyfriend until they got married (now I think she's just using the pill) and she's not pregnant. Neither am I, and I just use the pill.


I know the anxiety though. Right after I got married and started being sexually active, every month, I was scared. Sometimes, I still think I'm pregnant (although, I wouldn't be scared about it now). Pregnancy can be a scary thing if you're not ready to be a parent. If you're really that terrified, maybe you should reconsider? Just some food for thought... at any rate, I think you're safe. But in the words of our health teachers in sixth grade, "The only safe sex is abstinence!" ha ha ha

[japa]

As everyone has said, you won't get pregnant using that level of protection. And to reiterate what others have said, it is possible that you feel so afraid of pregnancy because you feel mixed feelings about having sex in general.


The soreness is probably normal the first few times.


Of course, I will sound like Planned Parenthood or something, but there is always the morning after pill, and I do believe that abortion is a woman's right.

[Galadriel]

I dunno I've struggled with this a lot. I've just gotten married, and I really am not sure what to do about these feelings. I've talked about this with my husband even before we were married, so he knew right off that I have issues with this. For now we don't have sex, but well theres other ways to erm help that stuff without technically having sex. We have seriously considered getting one of us fixed, because he also has a genetic disease that there is a 50% chance of passing it on to one of our children, and it is not a nice disease! So for now we make do. I DO NOT want to get pregnant, so yea thats how we are dealing with this for now.


I personally don't agree with sex outside of marriage, but I know many don't agree with that. What about instead of having sex sex, could you explore other options with him that wouldn't potentially get you pregnant? This way at least you don't have to worry about that aspect of it. Edited by: Galadriel

[hollyjean]

hey i understand your fear. Maybe you can look into the depo
provera shot? It is more effective than the pill and virtually
impossible to get it wrong. The pill is effective but if you have d*
its likely that it wont work as well, and us emets being such worriers
tend to get d* more than most

Im on the shot and have no side effects, its 99.9% effective.



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[Galadriel]

hey i understand your fear. Maybe you can look into the depo provera shot? It is more effective than the pill and virtually impossible to get it wrong. The pill is effective but if you have d* its likely that it wont work as well, and us emets being such worriers tend to get d* more than most
Im on the shot and have no side effects, its 99.9% effective.

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Thats a good idea, that way you don't have to worry about taking the pill every single day.

[crazybeautiful]

As everyone has said, you won't get pregnant using that level of protection. And to reiterate what others have said, it is possible that you feel so afraid of pregnancy because you feel mixed feelings about having sex in general.


The soreness is probably normal the first few times.


Of course, I will sound like Planned Parenthood or something, but there is always the morning after pill, and I do believe that abortion is a woman's right.

No it's not that I don't want to, if I didn't want to I wouldn't have done it in the first place. I'm just really nervous about the whole pregnancy thing and I don't think that will ever go away. I'm already 21...and I don't think I want to have kids.

[sillygirl]

My husband (boyfriend at the time) started having sex really early (much earlier than you, crazybeautiful) and I had all the same worries. We started with just condoms and spermacide, but I quickly found out that I was allergic to latex, so condoms were out. He was my first and I was his first, so we weren't too worried about sexually transmitted diseases. After I couldn't use the condoms anymore, I got on birth control and we just used that and the pull out method. It worked for us for years - I never got pregnant. After we got married, I stopped making him pull out because I figured if I got pregnant now we could deal with it. I still never got pregnant. I think as long as you are using the two methods you are pretty safe. Although I do know a couple who were part of that .01% in which birth control pills alone were ineffective. They now have an 8 month old little boy. But they weren't using condoms too, so I think you are probably safe.


I have to tell you though, when I was wooried about it all the time it really took a toll on our relationship. I was worried every month, and a lot of times worrying will delay your period so then you get even more worried. In a way, I kind of wish we had waited until we were ready for the responsibilty, but I know that is much easier said than done. We always said we would get an abortion if anything happened, but luckily it never came to that. Both of our feelings about abortions changed as soon as his little brother was born. I am so glad we were never faced with that situation.

[crystalmom]

I wouldn't worry about getting pg when on the pill AND using condoms. The chances are SOOOOOOOOO slim that both pill won't work and the condom would break. Relax and enjoy the sex, is my opinion! If you don't enjoy it, maybe you should reconsider having actual intercourse at all.


Crystal

[crazybeautiful]

Hmm..Well...I am enjoying it, except for the worrying part.


Also, it's been about two weeks since the first time and after the next couple of times, I've bled. And now I'm sort of spotting a bit. I'm not due for my period 'till monday and this is really freaking me out. I'm going to my doctor on Nov 17th...that was the soonest I could get in.

[HDogg]

About the bleeding thing... I had issues with bleeding, too for the first month after I began having intercourse. I guess some women are umm...tighter...than others. I think it's normal to bleed a little. It was just some light spotting though. If it continues for much longer, you should get it checked out.

[crazybeautiful]

I talked to a nurse, she said the chance that I am pregnant is so slim. Although the spotting is abnormal, it could be from having sex for the first time, just that taking it's tole on my body. Also the spotting could be from stress.


She said to see my doctor (which I am) and perhaps change birthcontrol brands (which I might).

[japa]

I was talking about mixed feelings, otherwise known as ambivalence. It's when you want something but you don't want it at the same time. Or you feelsimultaneously happy about some event/action/whatever but also sad about it. Human beings are able to hold seemingly contradictory feelings, values, beliefs, thoughtsall at the same time. We're complex creatures like that. I was just questioning whether some part of you feels comfortable about having sex with him or about sex in general and maybe some other part feels not so comfortable. It's been known to happen to people.

As everyone has said, you won't get pregnant using that level of protection. And to reiterate what others have said, it is possible that you feel so afraid of pregnancy because you feel mixed feelings about having sex in general.


The soreness is probably normal the first few times.


Of course, I will sound like Planned Parenthood or something, but there is always the morning after pill, and I do believe that abortion is a woman's right.

No it's not that I don't want to, if I didn't want to I wouldn't have done it in the first place. I'm just really nervous about the whole pregnancy thing and I don't think that will ever go away. I'm already 21...and I don't think I want to have kids.

[crazybeautiful]

I understand what you're saying, but I am comfortable with him, 100%. I want to be with him and I do want to have sex with him, theres no question...


I appreciate your concern though.

[crazybeautiful]

Quick update: The spotting was due to the trauma of having sex for the first time.


I'm trying really hard to let the fear go. Although I have the worst luck and it would be just my luck to end up in that 0.1% of girls who end up pregnant. I'm still paranoid and am afraid that my contstant worrying will delay my period and I will end up in a vicious circle.


Someone said something about 'the shot'. Can you give me more info on that?

[crimgoddess]

Hey there-


About the shot- I did post about it in another forum....but just to reiterate my feelings on the subject:


&lt;&lt;&lt;One thing I have strong STRONG feelings about is the depo injection. Not only has it been correlated to increased depression and lower sex drive- but once you take it, you can't get it out of your system until it runs its course. If you're on a pill and it doesnt agree with you, you can stop taking it, or ask for another dosage. When you get an injection, you're stuck with it for a few months- and there is no way of telling if it is effective (unless you end up pregnant). I have also had friend who ended up bedridden due to it......and do you know that the same type of thing is given to sex offenders to reduce their sex drive?&gt;&gt;&gt;


So, for me the shot is use at own risk- and make SURE you do some thurough research. One particular anectdote about it that I have learned from a prof while doing my undergrad courses in psychology: the shot was administered to women in a halfway house who were developmentally disabled/mentally ill. Within weeks, some became suicidal and depressed, and the only correlate was the shot. Nothing else had changed within that period of time.


Think about it.


PS- the pill is 99% effective if taken at the same time everyday. That with a condom should make your womb-fortress inpenetrable. And even though I am FAR from being a virgin *ahem*- my boyfriend is quite large, and I still bleed at times after intercourse. I would suggest using a good water-based lube- should make things a bit easier.


*amber*

[sienna]

It seems to me no matter what you use you will worry, because I don't see
how you could be any safer than with what you're doing right now. It really
sounds like an underlying issue, although I appreciate how careful you're
being - and unwanted pregnancy is no fun. But really, as someone else
said, it would be an absolute miracle for you to conceive doing what you're
doing.

[pretty polly]

Bexcelica wrote:

&lt;&lt; Lets just say this.. I am stupid, and I know I am, and Ive had a
few scares, and I still dont learn but anyways... my point is.. I dont
use anything and Ive neevr been preggo &gt;&gt;

Bex, you strike me as an intelligent sort... mate... you are skating on
thin ice if you keep on doing this!!!! Not the wisest of things to do,
hon!!!! Please be careful.

[chicajojobe]

If you're having sex at all there's always a SLIGHT chance, but when
using both the pill and condoms your chances are probably in the one in
a thousand range.



I think you'll find that those stories of girls who get pregnant while
using both are almost always due to the fact that they use them
improperly. They forget to take their pill occasionally or don't know
how to take care of condoms properly to avoid tearing them.



If you're unsure about your own knowledge on the subject you can find plenty of information at sites like Planned Parenthood.



Oh yeah this is off topic but I just wanted to comment on HDogg's
sex-ed teacher quote about the only safe sex being abstinence. I always
hated it when they said that because that isn't true. Abstinence, by
definition, is NOT sex. Therefore saying that abstinence is the only
safe form of sex is like saying that the only safe way to go swimming
is to stay out of the water!


Edited by: chicajojobe