Help for 6 year old son!!!!

[sad mom]

One month ago a litttle boy vomited in my son's first grade class. My son had a panic attack. turned pale, heart started to race, etc. The school called and I went to get him. Took him for a walk and he was fine...but he has been terrified ever since to return to school. He is afraid it will happen again or worse he will get sick at school. He anxiety manifested in anger and violence - kicking, screaming, throwing things, threatening myself and my husband - because we are insisting school is necessary. The behavior was so out of character - he has so much anger toward this little boy. He wants to never return to school. At first his fear was only school related - now he is scared everwhere about getting sick. His stomach always hurts, he is afraid to eat but will as long as he asks me if he will be okay) gets nervous if people cough , etc. The first 2+ weeks I went to school with him. some days he made it inot the class (with me) other days only to the library. We have consulted an MD who said the only solution is meds...a pychologist who recommended biofeedback and therapy and the school team - all with different ideas. My husband is now dropping him off (I am out of the loop - he was developing separation anxiety) and the school allows him to stay into the office until he is ready and his 5th grade buddy's walk him to class. He made it through last week - each day a bit easier- sad but not angry. On friday, a little boy choked and three kids went to the nurse with stomach aches. he said his day was too scary and really had a hard time this morning. he does better once he is there - but the fear is so severe.


How can I help him? I don't want to put him on meds unless I have tried other options. One month ago, he loved school and was happier than he has ever been. Now he is terrified. The therapists are familiar with anxiety, but is there anyone in southern california that has experience with this phobia?? It breaks our hearts. We have considered changing classes or schools just to help him get though this - but he loves his teacher.


Please someone - help!!!!

[tayda]

Wow! Well, if it is truely emetophobia, then you have definitely done well in diagnosing it at such a young age. It may be slightly easier for intervention and treatment. There is actually a link on here that addresses different tactics for treatments (if you click on discussion forums, and then the treatment link). Just understand that this is a REAL phobia, and is no less scarey than any others (agorophobia, arachnophobia, etc...). I think that6 years old is a little young for medication and I'm glad that you are hesitant to do so. There have been adverse effects of meds on children and teenagers. Hopefully, you will be able to find a professional that has had experience in dealing with and treating emetophobes in your area.


I'm so sorry for your predicament. For now, just try to reassure him that it the likelihood of it happening again are slim to none for a while. (ex: how many times has he gone to school, and how many of those times has a child been sick.)


good luck

[chickypoo104]

when i became a emet basically the same thing happened to me too. it all started at school and my friend got sick right infront of me.hopefully your son will be lucky and will completly overcome this. As a emet it is horrible to live this way. just keep reasuring him and let him know you are there for him for anything. if i had that i would of been alot happier,never mind relaxed lol.

[sage]

It sounds to me like something else is going on in this boy's (family) life. Just a kid vomiting at school would not be enough to trigger such a dramatic response. Not making any judgements, but if I were you, mom, I'd "sniff around" the family situation and see what else is up. Even with your extended family (did an aunt, uncle, cousin, grandparent recently die or get sick? could any trauma have befallen your son personally? is your marriage ok?) Not saying that this would be the CAUSE. Phobias have no one single cause. It's all systemically inter-related.


I understand your reluctance to put a child on medication.


Understand, also, that the higher YOUR anxiety is about him, the worse he will get. The more calm you can remain (and I'm sure this is difficult), the better he will be. He may even appear worse at first, but then he'll settle down more.


Another important fact is that AVOIDANCE of what is feared is your worst enemy. Do NOT facilitate his avoidance of the feared thing (school, other kids, whatever), or else you WILL have a kid with a phobia - for life.


A good child psychologist who is a registered play therapist, as well as family counselling would be the best route. Whatever it costs, it's your son's life.


All the best!

[sad mom]

Sage,


Thanks for the insight - Yes, September was a difficult month. Our golden retriever was hit and killed by a car and my son witnessed it...The dog was my son's best friend. I am pregnant and was worried about the health of the baby (didn't discuss it...but I am sure my son knew I was worried) and then this trigger. We are trying to remain calm - it is just so hard to see him so scared and unhappy. Wish there was someone in Southern California that has experience with this type of phobia. We are seeing a psychologist and family therapist - but they don't seem too well versed in this type of phobia. I did provide info from website - but would travel the world and spend every dollar we have to help our little guy!!!!

[wing]

Sorry about your son, but wow, I wish my parents would help me like that. They tell me i'll grow out of it but whatever, we'll see. I've had this fear since I was4 and I'm 16 now because I never told my parents until recently so hope your son gets rid of it. Good luck =]

[icicledreamz]

Maybe try homeschooling? if you have the time

[bexcelica]

i disagree with the homeschooling. if you do that, he will never want
to leave the house again. he needs to face the fear eventually

[icicledreamz]

Actually, my younger sister is doing homeschooling, shes 12 and she is perfectly fine..also she has emet to some degree and an anxiety disorder..she still goes out, and does regular things, and it hasnt changed her a bit...also i am going to school, but i literally have topush myself go...School has to be done..just reassure him that nothing bad is going to happen.

[sage]

I, too, disagree with home schooling. It would be like telling him there's something to fear at school. The standard treatment of childhood school phobias is "take the screaming child to school". Sounds harsh but really, avoidance is your worst enemy - it will eventually intensify the phobia.


Scaredmom: Sounds like a traumatic September. A child can sense your worry about the pregnancy - there's really no hiding that from a kid. The more calm you can be, the better he'll be. Also, allow him to fully grieve the dog. Have you had a "funeral" or put up a special picture and cried over it? Either of these would be a good thing. Often local ministers or rabbis these days are quite willing to take a family through some sort of ceremony for a pet and help with grief. Suppressed grief and anxiety in the family definitely add up to a phobia response from a child.


If your family is getting counselling, it doesn't matter that the therapists don't know much about emet. All phobias are basically the same, or at least have the same components. If the therapy can help calm your family down and help your boy work through his grief and fear then eventually he'll be ok and won't have an adult phobia.


All the best to you.

[*kc*]

That's amazing, and you know, I never really knew where my fear of this and the phobia stemed from , however, I remember like it was yesterday, in my second grade class a girl named Dena throwing up at her desk, and it' s ALWAYS stuck with me. Always freaked me out to think about it. Maybe that's where this all came from. In any regard, I'm now 34 and still dealing with it. I too have a 6 year old son, and a 2 year old little girl. I wish I had more words of wisdom. I think getting back into class and focusing on school will help. Encourage him to be the great little guy that he is and that this is the best thing. He'll do great ! Stay strong mom.


Kristen (Kc) [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[emilyhp76]

That is exactly how I started being afraid of v*and having anxiety issues (I was 7). My mom fored me to go to school and eventuallymy fears of v* went away and I became afraid of somethingelse about 6 years later. It has shown up again in me now that my girls are in school and exposed to sv. I would just reasurre him on a daily basis (as I am sure you aredoing) that if hegets sick at schoolit is no big deal. I have to still say that BUT I it is ALWAYS on my mind!![img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[fatal_animosity]

<div style="text-align: center;">When I was 8 this happened to me(I'm 13 now).

It was awful, every day I begged my parents to let me stay home. This
only worked for a day or two. I had to realize though, that my
friend(who gets sick quite often...a few times a month actually) would
nt get sick again. It was extremely difficult.

Now, we remained friends after the incident(although I tried to avoid him at first).

I still spend time with, despite on v* stains on his floor and stomach
ache complaints. They say exposure can help, and in a way, it did.



Basically, the only thing I can say is to make your son go to school,
as my parents did. For the next years, I was fine(until a recent issue
when I over-ran during cross country in 95 degree weather). He'll
complain of feeling sick, but if he does not v*, he'll feel proud of
himself.



</span></span></font></div>

[lilyann]

This is so sad it makes me cry!! I feel so bad because I know how your little guy feels. I wish my parents had gotten counseling for me and maybe I wouldn't be where I am now. I'm 31 and believe my emet developed when I was about your son's age. My brother and I spent the night at my grandmother's house. He was 3 and I was 5, I believe. She locked us in because she was afraid we would sleepwalk (I had a habit of it) and fall down the stairs. He got sick and could not get out. He was crying and scratching at the door and vomiting all over it. I think just a short time after that (days, weeks, probably that same year) I came down with a stomach bug and my mom took me to the emergency room because she didn't know what was making me feel so sick. The doctor stuck one of those popsickle stick things in my throat and made me vomit into a paper emesis cup. I was so mad!!!!! He said my problem was that I was sick and refused to vomit. I've been afraid of it ever since then and in fact have not vomited in 11 years.


I want so badly to get over this. It did not bother me for a long time, but now I have a 6 year old son and I don't want to pass this phobia on to him. I can't take care of him when he has a stomach bug. I run and hide and my husband deals with it. My husband got sick the last time too and now I feel betrayed by him because he can't resist the urge to vomit like I do. I'm also 4 1/2 months pregnant with my 2nd child and I want to be able to take care of this one when he/she is sick. I feel like such a horrible mother and so guilty! That's what finally got me to take a good look at this phobia. For years it had just been like my safety blanket. I think for your son, therapy would be a good idea. I'm finally thinking about it now after 25+ years and just started calling around this week to find someone. But it will probably be harder to treat because it has been a part of me for so long. Your son is young so I bet the chances of recovery are much greater. About the meds, I agree that they are not a good idea and should only be used as a last resort. Kid's bodies are developing and putting substances into their bodies has to have a negative and permanent affect on their development. Good luck to you and your son.

[curly wurly]

I really feel for you Sad mom and Lilyann. I am a mother of 2 children, a daughteraged nearly 6 and a son2. My husband works away for 4 months at a time so it is me who has to care for them when they v*. I try to stay calm but when my daughter recently had a timmy bug I really struggled. I was in a real state even after my daughter was well again. Since then my daughter has started showing signs of emet but only very mild signs. I have suffered from the phobia for as long as I can remember. I am now 32 and have only just started to tell people including my husband. My mum obviously knew but nobody else. I seem to worry a lot more since having my son. I have also been considering getting some help as I have never mentioned the phobia to a doctor. I really do not want my daughter to become like me so I am going to try and be strong and get some help.

[dadhere]

I just became a member. Sadmom, I know exactlywhat ur going through. I have a 12 year old son who is in the 6th grade. Three years ago he became ill after a trip to Mexico.Shortly after, he had a classmate whovomited inclass andhis reaction was the same as your son's. Hewas deathly afraid of going to school forfear that the same would happen. He then refused to take the school bus for fear that a kid would get sick in the bus since he had witnessed it in the past. Two years agohe was diognose withemet by a psychologist and she advisedcounseling.At that time we could not afford the therapy so by researching emet we were able to deal with it for awhile. Last year, he began to have mild panick episodes about going to school and going to restaurants and such.Fortunately, he is now in therapy with a very caring psychologist. He has been with her now for about eight weeks and it seems to be helping. He lookshappier when going to school and his fear has subsided.One of the most important things ( Ithink ) is that my wife and I talk to him about his feelings and what his mind and body are feeling.Good Luck!!!!&nbs p;

[samara's on tv]

When I was in kindergarten was when I first realized I had this fear. A kid named Sean vomited right behind me during story time. He was taken away in an ambulance! I later found out that he had apendicitus (SP?)


Anyway I didn't really dread going to school but in every year up until 5th grade there was ALWAYS a kid that vomited during class. When it happened I would freak out, scream, and cry but my mom never let me stay home.


I remember once when I was in 4th grade my mom had to drive us to school and my sister was complaining about her stomach hurting. My mom wanted to drop me off at the side door but I panicked cause my sister said she didn't feel good so she dropped me off in the front. I found out later that day when she drove to the side door of the school my sister got sick in the car...I narrowly missed that one.


When my sisters were sick I was always GLAD to go to school so I didn't have to be around them. When they were sick I couldn't even be on the same FLOOR of the house as them. I would either go up to my room and read, or be in the basement watching TV. I think because of my severe avoidance of them when they were sick I NEVER Got a stomach virus from them.


It's good that your son is in therapy. I'm in therapy too, and even though we don't talk about my emet issues...I feel better getting to go there every week. Because of my meds I hardly EVER have a panic attack. I don't even remember the last time I had a panic attack over my EMET.


Your son will be okay, just listen to Sage and everyone else on this forum. They know what they are talking about.


~Monica

[rayvin400]

Im pretty sure that the fear for me started just from seeing someone elsedo it.When I was about five I did it and I didt care. However, infirst grade other people started to do it around meit was so gross, sudden, and weird, I didnt know why it happened and it just scared me to death.


Most of all these frearsseem to start at a young age, I struggled with it the worst in elementary school through junior high school, then all on my own it got a bit better in high school.But I wish someone would have told me that my fear was normal, and explained to my why people get sick, and just rationalize with me at a young age.I remember first grade when my first crush threw up, I instantly didnt like him anymore, and I never wanted to look at him again. I also made up lies so I wouldnt have to go to school, which worked for about a week. So his reaction does seem to match this fear..I think even though hes young sit and talk to him, ask him questions....try to figure this out. I know everyone is a bit different but these are my two cents!!


Good luck!!

[gumdropper1]

I came down with a stomach bug and my mom took me to the emergency room because she didn't know what was making me feel so sick. The doctor stuck one of those popsickle stick things in my throat and made me vomit into a paper emesis cup. I was so mad!!!!! He said my problem was that I was sick and refused to vomit.

That's the worst thing I've ever heard!

Doug