Deeply Depressed

[samara's on tv]

Okay here's the story:


A year and a half ago a GOOD friend of mine left me. We had been friends for 5 or 6 years and well her mother controlled most of the relationship. You see I'm a woman and my friend was a woman, and we both started to fall in love. I'm a lesbian I won't deny that but my friend on the other hand...she was completely in denial. She also told her mother about everything. Every problem I had and every bit of trouble I got into, her mother knew about it.


Back then...I got into a lot of trouble and I was having a lot of problems. I still lived with myparents and don't even get me started on the abusive relationship I had with them. Anyway my life was hell a year and a half ago and this friend was the only outlet I had for my problems. She told her mom that she was starting to fall in love with me...and her mother (A strict Catholic) would not HEAR of it. Long story short my friend moved away and changed her phone number I haven't heard from her since.


I miss her dearly...more then I've missed anyone before and it's taken a toll on me. I sleep ALL the time, I mean this week I barely had enough energy or will to go down the block to the store to buy cigarettes. I finally did do it but it really just sapped me of energy. I've been contemplating suicide. I thought thatIF I DID commit suicide then I could leave a note with her name in it. My parents could track her down and tell her about it and with my last dying wish she'll know what she did to me.


Before you tell me to get help, I'm already seeing a therapist weekly. I love my therapist to death too...we get along VERY well. I'm going to see her on Wednesday(I think) and talk to her about this whole problem.


Now the deal with my friend is this, me and her fought more then we got along...but she was in love with me and I was in love with her and then all of a sudden she's just...GONE. Her mother took her away from me because of her Homophobic ways. I remember the last time I talked to her we fought (Once again) And I heard her mother in the background (On the phone) calling me all sorts of NASTY things. She was convinced I was going to "Convert" her daughter into becoming a lesbian.


Anyway...does anyone have any advice for me. I barely have the will to even get out of bed and do anything any more. I don't have a will to eat, I can't cry (I'm too doped up on medication to cry) and I just want her to come back. She knows how to contact me...WHY DOESN'T SHE JUST DO IT? I know I haven't really posted the whole story here but I summerized it pretty well.


If Anyone has any advice about how to get out of this state of mind I'd beGLAD to hear it. I've talked to friends, family, and my therapist and NOTHING...I just can't get over her. Any help is welcome...truely welcome.


Thanks.


~Monica

[tayda]

No advice other than time. If you give it time, the hurt will subside, and if you give someone else a chance.. that's a new relationship you may find. I've lost a few people close to me... and have litterally felt "my heart break".. but it does lessen over time... I know this doesn't seem helpful now... but it's the truth... just give it time.. and give yourself time to be depressed... but try to go out and do something fun. I couldn't imagine staying inside all cooped up to be the best thing in the world.. try to cheer up a little. Stay strong..

[sunshine16]

Well Monica I really
do not know what to suggest. It's a tough situation and something I
dont' know of well enough to help you, but I will say this: I am here
for you if you need me, and so are many, many others. Dont' give up or
loose faith, it will be okay. Here for you hunn xxxx



&lt;3 Laura</font>