THANKYOU EVERYONE

[pookey30]

I JUST WANT TO THANK EACH AND EVERYONE YOU WHO HAVE POSTED A REPLY TO ME OVER THE PAST FEW DAYS. WITHOUT YOUR SUPPORT I WOULD HAVE GONE.


THINGS ARE STILL BAD BUT I KEEP COMING ON HERE AND READING YOUR SUPPORT. I STILL WANT TO GO BUT I AM TRYING TO STAY.


THANKS AGAIN FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ALL DONE AND I AM SO GLAD I FOUND THIS SITE AND ALL OF YOU.


LOVE TO YOU ALL


XXXXXXXXXXX

[Galadriel]

I'm very glad that we could help you pooky! Hang in there and take those meds!

[gubba]

Your weekend is underway and you are doing great, so keep it up and keep reading our wishes to you.


You don't ever really want to leave your kids, it's this phobia that you really want to run from. I understand it completely and I wish we could fear anything else, like spiders of which we could just ignore and squish!!! Wouldn't it be great to be able to squish this EMET thing????


Anyway, you are a great mom and to have stayed made you even stronger. You did super and your kids will love you more for all you do for them. Finally, let me add, that one day, heaven forbid you are ill, not V*ing, but old and can't get around, I promise those loving children who you stood by when they were V*ing, will be there to help you.


Smile and we are all here for you[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[bexcelica]

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy for pookey!

[samara's on tv]

Thanks Pookey! Although I don't know if I responded to any of your posts or not!


~Monica

[japa]

Good - keep up the bravery! Have you started taking the medication the doctor prescribed?

[shiva]

Great Job! We are really proud of you.

[ontariogirl]

You are doing great Karen. I am glad we chatted on msn. We are here for you.

[pookey30]

SAMARA,


Yep, you did reply to my posts - thanks xxx





JAPA,


Yep, taking the meds. The first night I had d*. Took second lot last night and have been fine. No feeling s* and no d*. Will let you all know how I get on and if they work. The leaflet with them says they could take 4 weeks to work. Thats if I can hang in that long!


xxx

[gubba]

You are doing so well...the weekend is almost over for you taking care of the kids alone and I think your stress will be even better after he gets back home. You deserve such a pat on the back and a long hot bath alone after you have someone there with the kids.

[s0ccer_princess]

Well done! We are all soo proud of you

And I'm sure many of the parents on here have felt the same way at some point, and I think your post helped them too.

Congratulations again

[gubba]

How was it???


It's over without your partner!!!! You made it and I bet it was fine!!!

[pookey30]

Well, the weekend is over !!!


Didn't enjoy it at all I must say. Yesterday, Monday. I made my son his usual boiled eggs. He only eats the whites. Anyway, he didn't eat them. He looked so pale. He said "I'm not going to be s*". Well, you can imagain what happened to me. I wouldn't let him have anything else to eat after that.


He had a swimming lesson at 12.30 and I didnt want him to miss it as he had already missed 2 on the trot. One from being S* and the other from a cold. He seemed brighter so I took him. He was fine while he was swimming. On the way home in the car he looked very pale and was very quiet. Then he spoke. I turned the radio down as I couldnt hear what he said. "I'm going to be s*". I was driving. I nearly mounted the curb. He wasnt s* but I cant describe how I felt. When I realised what he said my heart went funny and I had pains down either side of my tongue. I've never had that before. Does anyone know why that happened. The feeling of shock was so intense. Just because he said he was going to be s*. Anyway, all day I was looking at him.


Last night at 3am he came into our room. He was crying. So, you know what I thought. He got into bed between me and his dad. He was still crying. I had the same feelings again. Incredible shakes. My hands and arms tingle too when this happens. It turns out he had lost his dummy. I got it for him. He was still shifting around in our bed so I got out and went downstairs. I was down here for 2 hours writting to my other half explaining to him why I have to leave. I wanted to go again. I can't handle the feelings my body goes through when I think he is ill. Even when he is well I keep looking for signs of him being ill. I am obsessed with this thing. I cant focus on anything else. I didnt go because I am so worried about what my partner would do about work. If I left he wouldnt be able to work and he is self employed so we would lose the house.


I just dont know how long I can carryon like this. I want to go but I cant. If money wasnt a problem I would have gone a long time ago. I love my children so much. My 13 week old daughter smiles and laughs at me. My son started to swim on his own yesterday and all I want to do is leave them. What is wrong with me???


Thanks for reading.


Karen


xxx

[mommyof3]

Karen, are you taking the medication? Is there anyone you can talk to? Keep taking the meds. It takes a while for most to build up in your system.


You can do this. Get mad at it. Get mad at this phobia and tell yourself you can do this. Keep telling yourself how much your kids need you. Tell that phobia it is not going to get between you and your kids.


Are you afraid to v* yourself? Or is it of the actual v*? I have 3 kids ages 7, 5, and 3 and I haven't v* in almost 25 years. If I do catch the sv* from them (only once have I caught it from them the other times I pick it up at work) I only had d*. I think most emets, especially those with as strong a phobia as you, are unable to v*. Come up with a plan should your son look sick again. Have you taken your son to the dr.? My kids always v* when they have strep throat. If he keeps feeling sick like he is, it is probably something other than a sv*


When can you see someone about counseling?????


Please post back.Edited by: mommyof3

[gubba]

Karen,


My son V*'s a lot and I am such an EMET. This a.m. he got a dog hair in his mouth and he stuck his hand in his mouth and V*'d. I knew I couldn't catch it, and I was better dealing with it. I know the fear you have with you son...I look for signs all the time and I get very nervous. Even though I knew he was not s* today, I did keep checking him and then I did a little thing my husband told me to do.....When they look like they are ill, change the whole mood around. Start telling silly stories that you make up about turtles or snakes or giant frogs. Let your son help with the silly story and it can make the car ride fun and get both minds off feeling s*.


When I look at my son at home and feel like he may be feeling a little off, I go outside with him and we talk about bugs, trees, get sticks and play swords etc. It all usually changes. I know exactly how you feel and I hope you don't leave. Running from this phobia is not making it better, it will make you sad later that you let this take your kids away. Your kids will not be sick all the time...that is a FACT. My son does V*, I hate it, but I love him and I never want him to know that I want to run when he does it. That would make him an EMET and I pray he will never know how awful this is. Please go talk to someone when you truly think you will leave. Do Not tell your partner that you are going, as he may very well take the kids and run thinking that you will do that with no warning. You can do this, it is a small thing in a big world of greatness that your kids will bring to you. In a few years, if they are V*ing, it will be on their own and you won't need to deal with it hands on. Think about how much you will miss if you leave now and you miss them growing and becoming big kids who love you.


As parents, we tend to stay well so that we can take care of our kids. It is a fact that we deal with being s* differently. You can handle this and you will. Your kids need you for more than just when they are s*. Be there for them...the s* is such a small part of it.

[pookey30]

Hiya,


Thanks again everyone,


Mummyof3, yep, I'm taking the meds still. It does say that they can take up to 4 weeks to work. Not only that, I am taking 10mg and it says that you can take between 10 and 150mg a day, so I am wondering if I am taking enough. The dr only gave me 28 pills so I have to go back and get more before they run out. I will ask if I need to take a higher dose. Anyone I can talk to? Nope, only here. Thank god for this site. Yes, I'm afraid to V* myself. I take anti emetics if I feel s*. About 2 weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night. I felt so s*. I came down stairs and took 2 of my anti emetic tablets. I walked round and round in circles deep breathing and doing cross words until it wore off. I came so close to be s* and don't know how I didn't. Like you I havn't been s* for about 23 years. I was about 12 the last time and I am 35 this month. I have heard that too about Emets talking themselves out of v*ing. I have been around sv's too only had d*. I would rather spend a week on the toilet with d* than v* once. If somebody told me I would v* at 6pm tomorrow night I think I would have to do something to myself before then. (If you know what I mean.) I'm not suicidal but the thought of v* myself is sheer hell. Saying that, I know I can control myself if I feel s* so I'm not too bad but when my little boy is ill I know he can't and will probably v* so that is why I am so bad.


My gateway worker was meant to call me back before Friday about bringing the councelling forward but she didnt. I phoned yesterday and today and she is off ill. I will try her again tomorrow. I want to tell her that I came close to going again.


Gubba, yep, I do anything to take my sons mind off feeling s* when he does. When he said it in the car I started pointing out brown leaves on the trees falling off and leaves on the ground and telling him about autumn.


In my post above I mentioned about the physical feelings I get when I come up against s* or if my son says he feels s*. Does anyone else get these? They are so severe that they really arn't pleasant.


All I keep thinking about is I have 2 more nights with my other half here before Friday and Saturday when I am alone again. I really can't cope with this. I feel like going before Friday. I am so desperate.


Thanks again for all your help.


Karen


xxx

[kel12347]

Those are symptoms of anxiety, or a panic attack. They can't hurt you or kill you, but they do feel like crap. Oh, and they can't make you vomit either. I think most of us get this to some degree from time to time. The meds should help with that. Buy the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Bourne, that will teach you a lot about panic attacks and anxiety and how to control it. I can usually talk myself out of anxiety before it gets to a full blown panic attack, but not always.


The situation, i.e., your son looking pale, may start the anxiety, but your thoughts are what add to it and make it worse. I bet that when you saw he was pale you started thinking, "oh god, what if he v*s, I can't handle this, I'm so scared" etc. These thoughts are the ones that kick the anxiety into high gear. So by getting rid of these thoughts, you should have better control of your anxiety. I'm not saying this is easy though, I've been working on it steadily for over a month, and the thoughts are still there. Everytime I have a negative thought (for me, any thought involving v'ing), I tell myself, "STOP! I am choosing not to participate in that thought. I am safe, and I am not in danger!" You really do have to stop every negative thought about v'ing that you have, and at first you'll feel like all you do all day long is repeat the "Stop!" bit. But it does get easier. I find that if I havea negative thought now, my "Stop!" routine starts up automatically in my brain about 1/4 of the time.


Hang in there, and keep searching for some counselling.Edited by: kel12347

[zane2673]

HI, This is just an observation, but is it possible your son suffers from motion sickness..If I remember your past post correctly he was sick in the car and now your latest update says he felt sick in the car this time but didn't get sick. I bring this up because being sick from the car doesn't effect me at all, but the sick kind of course makes me freak because then I have the worry factor I will get sick.


There are different kinds of emets. Those of us on the board suffer different degrees. I can relate to your panic attacks. My daughter had bout with d*early this morning in her bed and all I could think was she was going to be s*. I kept asking her do you have a belly ache, do you feel as though you are going to be s*. My daughter, who is three, looked at me and said, "Mom, I just had a bad poop!!" I'm not going to t*." Needless, to say I scrutinized her a lot today, but in the end I had to tell myself, there was nothing I could do to stop it and just had to live in the moment with it.


I'm sorry you are having such a hard time, I wish there was more I could do to help you. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[gubba]

You don't need to go. Stop thinking about running and think about what a great mom you are and have been. it isn't going to get worse than it has been and you have dealt with it thus far. you have all of us here to support you and what a great team to have on your side. I feel like I can come here with anything and feel better when i walk away from my computer. Panic to us and keep taking your meds. I must say that I have not done meds for this, but I take Benadryl when I feel s* and it works and I sleep and then life is better. As for my son, when he doesn't feel well, I panic like you, but I must keep in my head the fact that it will pass and as bad as it is, I can do it and manage and he will be well.


Keep going and doing and you are doing a great job. Your kids need you and you need them as well.

[zane2673]

Me again. I just thought of a post that may help you a lot. I read it when I'm in a really hopeless mood, plus the author offers her help. Please read Sage's post under the experiences tab and then click on the stories of being cured of emet. Her story may give you some comfort and insight in what you need to do and the kind of help you need to find.

[pookey30]

Well, It's 2.45 am.


My son came into our bed at 1.30am. He was shifting about for about 30 mins. This scares me. Then about 10 mins ago he started moaning in his sleep. Sort of crying. I know it is probably a nightmare but it scares me.


He had so much to eat before he went to bed. I did spaghetti bolognase. His favorite. I couldn't believe how much he ate. When he went to bed he layed down and said "I'm not going to be sick". I read him 2 books and tried to make him laugh to assess if he was okay. He didnt seem too bad.


Normally as soon as he comes into our bed I get out and go in his bed. This time I tried to ride it out. I have got to now and cant do any longer. I didnt sleep and when he started moaning that was enough. Also I have my daughters baby monitor in our room and I am scared that if she cries he will wake up. So, that is another reason to get out of my room. I am going to sleep down here on the sofa. If I stay in his room sometimes he gets wise and comes back in and gets into bed with me. At least I hope he wont find me here!


I really am at the end of it with this thing. Now I cant even sleep. I feel like I am going mad. I feel like I have to leave for my own sanity. But I dont know where to go.


As for the motion sickness theory. He has just turned 3 and has never had it before and we have gone a long way with him before. Now thinking about it I wont be able to go more than a couple of miles in the car with him incase it does make him s*.


I am going to have to phone my gateway worker again tomorrow and see if she is in. If not, I am going to have to talk to someone else as I cant have another day or night like this and we are getting closer to Friday and Saturday.


It must seem as if I'm not listening to any of you. I am. I promise. I read everything that everyone writes to me but still I can't help the way I feel. I need to see someone urgently. I need to make someone listen to me and get me help.


I'm going to PM Sage andask her to read my posts.


Thanks again everyone.


Love and best wishes to you all


Karen xxx

[sillygirl]

Karen,


Hang in there. It will get better, I promise. This is the first time I have responded, but I have been reading all of your posts. I don't feel like I am the best person to give advice since I don't have kids yet, but I thoguht I would try.


First of all, I really wouldn't worry about the motion sickness thing. I bet your son had some water in his ear and his equilibrium was just off. If he had motion sickness problems, you would know by now. It was all just from swimming. Try some of those drops next time that dry out swimmer's ear. This seems like such a small part of your problem, but taking one step at a time will help it seem less difficult to conquer.


As for his restless sleeping, first let me say you did a great job trying to stay in there tonight. You took a big step and that was great. If you feel like you need to sleep on the couch or in his bed now, go for it. Just keep reminding yourself what a great job you did trying to stay in there for as long as you did.


I really hope you can get in to see someone soon. I don't understand the medical system in the UK at all, but it really seems horrible that you have to wait so long to get help. Keep calling, though, like you are and get the point across how important it is for you to see someone. Call someone else if you need too, but keep trying to get help. That is the best thing you can do for yourself right now.


If you ever need to talk, let me know. Like I said, I'm probably no thte best person to give advice since I have never been in your situation, but sometimes it helps just to talk to someone and get your mind off of it a little bit. A little reassurance can work wonders. I am usually on around this time at night and for another couple of hours. I am in a much earlier time zone, so whenever you wake up like this, just let me know. I will send you my AIM and yahoo IDs so we can chat.


Hang in there, you are really doing great. We are all so proud of you for sticking through this. That first night was the biggest hurdle. You stayed that night, and everything was okay. Remember that! You are doing great!Edited by: sillygirl

[2jo2]

I have the same tingly feeling each and every time I encounter a v situation. It's like all my blood leaves my body and I step outside myself. Then I get instant diarhea, my heart pounds, and I can't get away fast enough. It's my version of a panic attack.


I hope your worker can help you sooner rather than later. You did great by staying in your bed when your son came in. Don't beat yourself up because you had to leave. You're going to get better.


Hugs to you....