Hubby needs Chemo!

[worriedwendy]

I know many of you have encouraged me about my husband which I really appreciate. It means a lot to know that I can post here and know one will make fun of me for worrying the way I do. Fortunatley with Testicular cancer he will be 95% cured after treatment. He had the surgery last month and we were hopeful that it didn't spread but his blood test showed that he still has the cancer in him, probably in his lymph nodes. The oncologist called us today with the news and he will have a pulmonary function test first and then have a portacath put in for the chemo to be adminstered. The treatment will start sometime next week and go for three cycles of 21 days each cycle. So for 9 weeks, with each cycle getting more intense with the side effects. One of the chemo meds is Cisplatin which is highly emetic. They give anti-emetics which will help, but I have read case after case of many test. cancer patients going through chemo and having break through N* and V* and needing to be hospitalized for dehydration because of it. Yikes, I hope my husband tolerates it well. I have never seen him V* in 10 years of marriage, knock on wood. I hope I can be strong, the last thing I want is to not be there for him. He knows how I feel about V* but not to the extent that it would block me from wanting to care for him. Help. I will probably need to take my xanax everyday. Please don't take me as selfish, I adore my husband and kids and wouldn't trade them for anything, I hate that I have this phobia, it makes me so angry. [img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img]


Well now I won't be going on our trip to the midwest at thanksgiving, so now I don't need to worry about SV's on that trip. Would you believe that we actually were taking the train and I booked our own private bedrooms and private bathroom to avoid a plane ride and avoid using a public bathroom? We spent extra money for that. But everytime we fly someone gets sick and spreads it, so I was trying to avoid it. Now I don't have to worry about that but I am bummed that we won't get that vacaction to see our friends and family, we will postpone it till the spring.

[jennyleigh1975]

Wendy, I am so sorry to hear that you guys are going through all this. I know it has got to be hard. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Will the chemo kill off the rest of the cancer? Can they go in and remove the lymph nodes that are affected? Is there anyway that he can just be kept in the hospital for a day or so after he has a treatment? Is his family going to be helpful?

One of my best friends moms had breast cancer a few years ago, and I think she went once every two weeks. Im not sure what chemo meds they actually used, but I dont think she got sick until the next to the last, or the last treatment.

Do you have a family doctor that you could go to and tell them all thats going on and how you feel about it? I think that you are going to need someone that you can unload on emotionally through all of this. We will all be here for you, but I think there should be someone avaliable that you can see in person.

[kellybean]

You are anything but selfish. We are all in the same boat here, and here to support each other. Can you talk to your husband and tell him more about your phobia, how bad it really is? I'm sure it would be better than paniking while he needs you to be strong. That way he will understand better why you may be so stressed. It's not your fault Wendy, just remember that. You did not ask for this, you cannot blame yourself. We will all be here for you, wishing you and your husband,the best!

[bexcelica]

yes i agree - you are everything but selfish. im sure most of us would worry the same way, but i bet when it comes down to it, youll be there for him everyday, everytime he v* youll be there.. if not in the room, youll be there when he is done being sick. just keep your head up, and dont let it bring you dont. best wishes to your husband

[gubba]

I sent you a message about this under the "MY SON WON"T SLEEP" topic.


Cheer up, you are far from selfish, and if there is any good thing about V*, I can say that you don't need to worry that you will catch it, so you can think about it that way and maybe get through it better.

[jamie24]

oh, I am so sorry to hear this post. What a nightmare for you and your
family to have to deal with this disease. Don't feel selfish for
fearing your husband getting sick...your fears are something that you
can't control at this time in your life, just like he can't control
what is happening to him. Stay strong together, and fight your way
through it.

God Bless, you can do it!!!!!!

[mommyof3]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this! Don't feel badly about how you feel. Like someone else said, does it help to know that if he v* it is isn'tcontagious? I feel for you!

[ontariogirl]

You are not selfish, I would be thinking the same way. Chemo scares me to death. My NP had breast cancer and had both chemo and radiation. She took a certain med that helped with the nausea. She is fine now.
I pray for your family

[mitch04133]

I will be praying for husband and your family to get over this difficult obstacle. And Iagree with what everyone else has said, you are far from selfish, you did not ask forthis phobia, and everyday is a challange, and you are doing the best you can. Good luck, and I will being thinking of you and your family.

[*mandi*]

my prayers go out to you and your husband and family. This is a very hard situation to be in. I know exactly how you feel. My father had cancer a longitme aog when I was a very young child, and he was going through chemo and was very sick. And it was very scary for me b.c. I had the fear way back then too. If it makes you feel any better, atleast you know it is not a stomach virus that you can catch. I dont think you sound selfish at all. These things are hard. There are a lot of medications out there for chemo patients that help control nausea and V*..you and your husband should ask about them

[aguerra29]

First of all, I want to tell you my thoughts and prayers are with you. And, you are not selfish. I know you will be strong and be able to care for your husband. It just seems scary right now. I do have so good news for you. I know two people who have had chemo (strong chemo) who never v*ed. They felt bad and weak, but never got sick. They have improved those drugs so much in the past few years and the anti-emetics have gotten better too. Having said that, even if your husband does get sick, just think of it as the cancer leaving his body. It's a good thing!I wear my yellow LIVESTRONG bracelet everyday (Lance Armstrong) and that is what I encourage you to continue to do. LIVESTRONG!

[worriedwendy]

Thank you everyone for your encouragement, I think he starts chemo next monday, he picked up his anti-nausea meds today. I have read two stories of men with the same cancer that went through chemo without getting sick as long as they took their anti-nausea meds. Then there were several men who were violently ill, so I am going to not worry about it for now and just focus on taking care of the stuff I need to before then, like getting our house ready to put on the market. Our new house will be ready in December. I can't wait to be past all of this, I prayed that because we are dealing with this right now that God would spare all of my family and everyone we come in contact with to be free of SV's for the next 6 months. This phobia is crazy. But I have prayed that before when I have been going through a lot with other stuff and felt like I couldn't handle it on top of what I already had going on and it worked. Thank you again for all the encouragement.

[gubba]

You are so strong and I know you will do fine with all of this. I have heard of so many people doing fine with Chemo and not getting sick, so hopefully he will be one of them.


If he is by chance ill, it won't be something you can catch and you don't have to watch it, maybe just clean up and as awful as it will be, take comfort in knowing that it won't physically happen to you, but you too are going through a very rough time.

[worriedwendy]

Well, We saw the oncologist last thurs. and he recommended my husband be in the hospital all week for this first round of chemo because it is 5 days straight on infusion and the chemo drugs they use are the most highly emetic chemo drugs they have, of course that freaked me out. But more importantly if he is very sick they need to moniter his fluid intake and watch his white cells and his lungs for toxicity. It sounds so scary, so the Dr. gave us the choice of whether to be an outpatient or stay at the hospital, the Dr. advised us to have him stay at the hospital at least for the first cycle to see how he does. My husband started to say that he would rather be at home so he could be more comfortable and the DR. said that no matter where he was he was not going to be comfortable and if anything the hospital will be better because they can stay on top of how he is doing and try differnt anti-nausea meds whereas I would have to be constantly calling the Dr. and running to the Pharmacy. I convinced him to stay at the hospital of course, but not just becuase of the N and V but so he can get the best care and so I am not overwhelmed with our three kids and trying to sell the house. I am relieved about him being in the hospital but nervous also, so many friends and family offered to watch the kids while I go sit with him at the hospital to be there for him. What do I do, I want to be there for him but I know I will embarass myself if I freak out if he is violently ill, I can't even think of it, it freaks me out. I would rather be at home with the kids and call him to check in with him. I asked him if he wanted me there the whole time and he said he didn't care as long as the kids were taken care of. I know his Dad, mom, brother and Sister will be with him a lot. They don't have a problem seeing anyone get sick. Hopefully, he won't be sick and I can be with him and not be nervous. I am making a care package of all his favorite things to take to the hospital. Candies to suck on since there is a bad metallic taste, his favorite soda (in case the hospital doesn't have it) pictures the kids drew, cards from friends and family, dvd's to play on his computer, and books. Does anyone have any other care package ideas?


Wish me luck, I will for sure post next week, he goes in for surgery tomorrow to have the port-cath put in, of course I am nervous about that also. He starts chemo next monday. Thank you again for the support.

[jennyleigh1975]

Wendy, I dont want you to take this the wrong way when I say this, because, believe me, I know how you feel about the v'ing, other wise, I wouldnt be on this site .............. BUT, I do feel like you need to be up there with your husband as much as possible. IF, he does get sick, get up and leave the room if you have to. Talk to the nurses and let them know about your phobia, surely you arent the first wife/husband/ect ........ that they have had at the hospital that doesnt like v* Even though I hate v* like I do, I still feel like in this situation when all is said and done, whats worse ............. seeing some v* or being there for your sick husband? I know its hard and I am not trying to sound mean, I honestly DO NOT mean it that way. Im glad he is going to be in this hospital for the worst part.

Wendy, I hope you are not mad at me, I mean well, really I do.

[gubba]

Wendy, I hate this for all of you, but I know as an EMET how awful it is over and above the rest. He may get great drugs and not be so N* or even V*. I know your husband knows you hate V*, so I think he will understand and since he has others to be there with him, you probably don't need to spend all of your time there...it is just one week in the hosp.


I agree that you need to be there for him and knowing you can't catch it may be helpful, but you could just leave the room and panic quietly and then go back. He won't V* constantly and you can at least spend a little time with him.


i would be very scared too, so it is easier said then done and who knows how you may feel next week. You may put the EMET thing on the back burner and not let it take charge.


good luck and i am praying for all of you.

[jennyleigh1975]

I agree with everything gubba said, especially her last paragraph.

I too will have you and your family in my thoughts and prayers over the coming weeks!!!!!!!

[mommyof3]

Wendy, I will be thinking of you and your family.


I think there is a happy medium between being there 24/7 and not at all. Maybe you could try to visit at least once a day, see how it goes. When I was in the hospital, honestly, I really preferred my husband be at home with the kids so that their routine was disrupted as little as possible. It helped me rest and feel better knowing that he was there with them, fixing their regular foods, doing the regular bedtime routine, comforting them if they woke in the night. Maybe talk a little more with your husband about it. You could also call before yougo visitand see how he's doing. He's not going to be v* constantly (I certainly pray).

[crystalmom]

Wendy,


I too will be thinking of you and your entire family. I, too, agree with Leigh, if he knows how much you hate v*, and you tell the nurses, you leaving the situation, if he does v*, is better than not being there at all. Yes, your kids need you too, but try some reversal...if it were you, would you want him there? I know how hard it will be, and you will get through it, for you, your husband and your kids. Believe me, I know emet is a serious pain in the butt....and is awful to be faced with v*, but like most have said....be reassured you can't catch it.


Thinking of you.


Crystal

[angel13]

Wendy, I wish you and your hubby the very best of luck with this - it might not be easy, but with you by his side, even if its just every so often, I'm sure he'll make a good recovery. The care package sounds like a lovely idea, anything to put a smile on his face during a time like this. I'm sure he'll really appreciate whatever you come up with! He's going to be in the best place, and people will be taking good care of him. Like gubba said, he won't be constantly ill, people in chemo have their good days and bad days...just let the doctors and nurses know you are a little worried about that sort of thing. Hopefully they will understand, and let you know if its a good time to see him or not.


God bless ^_^ everything will be ok!

[worriedwendy]

Thank you for your encouragement all of you and none of what you have said is mean, I believe in speaking the truth in love and not sugar coating anything. We had some great time last night talking about everything and I asked him what he wanted from me and what his expectations really were because I would hate to look back an know that I wasn't there for him when he really wanted me there. We also talked about death and the possibility of complications and what his wishes were, it was a very sad talk but very necessary. I told him I wanted him to write a letter to Jake, Shane and Savannah about how he feels about each of them for them to have in the event of this going the way we hope and pray it won't. All and all it was a great heart wrenching talk and some great quality time together, something I will always remember. He told me that we will take each day as it comes, he said that if his body was hurting really bad that he wanted me there to massage him, which I told him no problem. His Dad will be there a lot too. We will take it day by day, I just have resolved myself that I will probably see him get sick and that I just need to deal with it, if I freak out, oh well. Thank you again. Wendy

[gubba]

you will do great. Somehow, when our loved ones need us the most, we can step up to the plate. that talk must have been wonderful and difficult. not one that you ever want to have, but certainly it must have made things better for you both.

[jennyleigh1975]

Wendy, I know you will be there for your husband, and in just the way he needs you to be. All you can do is take one day, one moment at a time. You WILL get through this. I know that the great strength that you have will shine through during this stressful time.

Again, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[kel12347]

Wendy, can you get some tranquilizers from your doctor, just for this tough time. It might help even things out a bit so you will be better at coping with things (actually you sound like you're doing pretty well, but anything that can help).


I hope everything goes well.

[marty518]

I'd like to offer a little hope, too, because one of my teachers had
breast cancer and completed all of her chemotherapy without getting
sick once. Also, like other people are saying, there are medicines that
can control n* and v*, so his chances of doing it are probably very
low! I wish the best of luck to you and your whole family!