my bf’s horryfying habits

[jamie24]

my boyfrriend and I are not at all on the same page when it comes to this subject..I just figured out I have this thing called emetophobia today (thank god I know what it is now) He is one of those types that can cut raw chicken on the counter and just wipe it with a damp rag and call it clean. I, on the other hand, whip out the bleach and gloves. When he cooks us dinner zi always feel like I have to supervise him so he doesn't undercook stuff and so he cleans up properly..I think it's driving him nuts. He always tells me I am crazy and to just relax, but he doesn't understand the terrible fear I have ofgetting sick. he won't even wash his hands after we come out of the hospital where we go alot due to a sick family member...that is another thing I can barely do, hospitals...he says to prove to me that he won't get sick and"cure" me of it...He will also make himself v**** if say, he feels ill, or has too much to drink once in a while like it is no big deal! It terrifies me! I tend to stay away from him when he says he's feeling sick. I think it puts a huge damper on our relationship! any advice??


sorry for the long post, it could have been a lot longer I just have so many questions for u all. thank you!

[bexcelica]

oh my. i would be the same way you are! i am like that actually, and my boy is a chef. figures. i think its just our nature.

[mommyof3]

I was just posting on another thread how my husband is like that. It drives me crazy. He doesn't know the extent of my phobia (doesn't know I think about the possibility of v* constantly, etc.) just that I "don't like it." Even though he still does it on purpose, he has made an effort not to do it in front of me, even goes so far as to go outside to the woods behind our house to v*.


As far as the chicken on the counter thing, that's just gross. That's not an emet thing--it's flat out unsanitary.


Relationships are always about compromise. I don't beg or plead with him anymore not to make himself v* if he feels badly, and he does it out of my earshot. We've been married 15 years.

[samara's on tv]

I remember that years ago when my dad would cook something on the Grill he would use the same plate to carry the raw food out there and bring it back in on the SAME PLATE! When I found this out I freaked out! Now my mom and dad are careful about doing that. You aren't insane or anything for freaking out about the germs on the counter.


My sister is like your boyfriend she'll puke at the drop of a hat just to feel better. Just try to explain to him that you don't like it. Ask him if he has any fears/phobias if he says yes ask them what they are and then try to compare your Phobia to his to let him know that it's the same thing...just a different phobia!


~Monica

[aguerra29]

It is so hard to make people who don't have this fear understand it and be sympathetic. It is so illogical to be afraid of a natural bodily function. People just don't get it. My husband is pretty supportive, but he doesn't get it. Thank GOD, he hates germs though. He is meticulous about cleaning everything. But, there are a list of people whose food I won't eat b/c I don't think they are clean enough. Maybe it would help if you let your boyfriend read some of the posts on here and maybe he'll realize this is a legitimate phobia.

[jamie24]

thanks guys for the replies Yep, chicken on the counter and just
wiping it off is unsanitary! But he just doesn't seem to mind, he is
like the opposite of an emetophobic. I envy him sometimes, cuz he goes
through life worry free..I think WE are complete opposites actually. I
told him about the forum, he didn't seem too interested. He just said
what he always says, "it's all in your head". It is a daily
struggle for him and I to co-exist with this..

[pianolover]

Jamie, this is off-topic, but where in Canada do you live? I'm in Victoria

[jamie24]

i live near vancouver

[liriodendron]

It sounds like he hasn't learned the consequences yet. Well, you might
try to sit him down and educate him and tell him it makes you
uncomfortable. Just a level-headed conversation, not a lecture or
anything. I got in trouble for making this comment in another thread
and if gets me banned so be it, but I would suggest that if this person
is reluctant to change their ways to make you more comfortable, it's
time to say "hit the road, Jack". People don't do unsanitary things
when they know better and if they do, they're good for nothin.



Sorry!!!

[oda_elmira]

My boyfriend and my friends are the kind of people who like to get drunk and then vomit in a bowl of food while mixing it all together with a fork and laughing and then eating it and make films about it.
However, they respect my phobia and support me even though they don't really understand it. Once I told my boyfriend that I would rather live through a horrible planecrash where I broke both my legs and arms than get a sv and v*. I explained it that way becuse my boyfriend is scared of flying. He though about it for a while and then he said: "You're sort of always in a plane. How can you be so calm and happy most of the time? You're a really strong person".
Anyway, he still don't like it when I tell him to do all kinds of things, like washing his hands and cleaning everything, and he really hates it when I tell him to avoid eating certain food.
I think it's important that you don't bring up this phobia only when you're mad at something. You should rather use some time to sit down and talk it through.

[sheri-baby]

[QUOTE=oda_elmira]My boyfriend and my friends are the kind of people who like to get drunk and then vomit in a bowl of food while mixing it all together with a fork and laughing and then eating it and make films about it.



Okay that's about the grossest thing I've ever seen!![img]smileys/smilies_10.gif[/img]Are you serious???

[kelli_michelle]

ewwww to your boyfriend who dose that thing i don't wanna write again.





my husband drinks. he used to a lot, but not so much anymore. his tolorance has gone way down. SOOOO nearly every time we go out he gets sick from drinking. [img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img] This last time (about a week and a half ago) I had to pull over for him twice and sit right next to him while he did the deed. After he was all emptied out he told me he knew that it was so much worse for me than it was for him. But then just a couple days ago we were talking and I asked him if he would have been shocked if i'd have patted him on the back while he hung out the window, and he said he didn't ever think about it. I asked what? My fear of you when you're drunk? He said it was silly, and he told me that I just needed to get used to it because he liked drinking.


We fought for the rest of the day. He later told me that he didn't mean what he said and that he just gets frustrated sometimes with me. But still, I will not fast forget our convorsation.

[lilyann]

Boy, it would have to be some extremely satisfying relationship and neverending love for me to be with someone would would purposely make himself v* just because he felt sick. That's what dogs do!! Yuck!! Most people, even non-emets don't welcome it that much. I personallycould not be with someone like that. My ex-husband used to drink a lot and get sick a lot. That's one of the reasons he is my ex, but not the only reason of course. My current husband does not drink at all, ever, nor do I and I feel we are both much better off for that. The onlytimes he has ever v* in the 5 years we have been together is from the 3 times he caught an sv after taking care of my v* son. Now that's my kind of man--a real keeper if you ask me!!

[DinahRT]

My husband is a diabetic and is more prone to vomiting than a non diabetic, because of his sugars and how his body handles illnesses. I just asked him tonight if he has a problem with this website. He said he "didn't care" about it--meaning he didn't care whether or not I was on it. He has also told me that it's better to vomit and get it out of your system than to feel bad, which is also what my sister said. None of them, however, are emetophobes. Making yourself vomit, however, isn't something I would suggest.


My husband knows about my emetophobia and is understanding, and he even says I might be getting better just from being around him.


To the person whose bf and her friends all vomit in the same bowl-eeewww. That sounds like something that is shown on cable TV, though, on shows like Jackass or Viva La Bam. Someone out there would actually be sick enough to watch that and think it's funny, then tell other people about it..makes you wonder what's going on in their minds.

[linzi]

Hi everyone!! I'm a newbie to theforums...ready for a big post [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]- sorry ppl! I'm very lucky because my bf has helped me a lot. I told him all about my emetophobia (and the rest!!), which hasaffected me for3 years,when we first started going out - it was a lot to off-load early onbut iknew i couldreally trust him.


He's been really understandingand sitting with me if i feel s* and trying to calm my nerves but he's also taken the tough love approach which is sometimes needed with every phobia. I suffered from quite severe panic attacks even if i felt slightly n* - this could happen anywhere and everywhere, but especially in cars and on trains and things. He loves driving and his cars so i'd often be strapped into the passenger seat freaking out! But where my dad or someone would pull over he wouldn't, he'd make me ride it out to realise that its not that bad and i would be ok.Fair enough when it's happeningyou think that the world is caving in and you could go as far to say that you hate them but they are doing it for you and when is all said and done you need someone to help you think rationally.


I still don't think rationally even 5% of the time and i still get very very scaredbut he is helping meand i'm doing all sorts of things that i really didn't think i would be doing this time last year.


I guess the crux of what i'm trying to say is that fears are a difficult thing to understand when it doesnt consume your life and people cannot be considerate all of the time - you just have to be strong for yourself, which is hard but once you have managed one hurdle it makes it easier the next time. All relationships - be them bfs gfs friends and family- will help you in some way even if you don't think they are...just try to open your mind and let them.


[img]smileys/smilies_27.gif[/img]sorry about the massive post...

[tabycat]

wow some of these posts just make me go eeeeeeeeewww...even before I was an emet my parents would never have brought in the food on the same plate the raw food went out on....ugh! and I'm not even going to go there with the boyfriend who throws up in bowls of food that's just disgusting and I'm glad none of my friends do that


I've been really lucky tohave a ridiculously supportive boyfriend. There are a few times wehre he'll make fun of me but I'll be making fun of myself for it. And he usually apologizes immediately afterward. He did confront me about getting help for it though. He wants me to get over this as much if not more than I want to. It's really awesome. He stays away when he's sick, and he comes and takes care of me when I'm sick. I don't know if I could've asked for someone better as far as this phobia goes. It's really awesome and I wish that everyone could understand the way he does. mOst of my friends understand because they have phobias of their own so we all know that you just don't talk about certain things around eachother. And 3 of them happen to have arachniphobia...including the bf, and I shoo away spiders, they tell me when they're sick and to stay away. It works out well. But others like to pretend like they're about to v* around me, and that's just not cool. I have a big problem with anyone who tries to provoke a phobis reaction out of anyone