Purifying my room

[hiimkb]

Hi everyone - I have never posted here before, though I come by often to reassure myself that I am not crazy, or alone. Well I really need help with something.



Saturday night I was sick in my room. I v* on my floor and bed. I painfully cleaned it up and washed and washed everything - however, I am not sure I will ever be able to be relaxed in my room again. I had an anxiety attack going to sleep on Sunday night, and last night was still very anxious. I am having day/nightmares about it and can't get the image out of my head. Please help me - my room is my only sanctuary and right now I can't imagine ever feeling peaceful again!


Thank you ~ Kristen

[gubba]

Here's the way I look at it...


The actual fear is the V* itself and it is over for you. You did it and you survived. You were safe in your room, and you made it without panic. Why panic now? You can't catch something again from your own V*, you cleaned it up, so you don't see it anymore and yes, the image will long stay in your head since that is what we all do best, but just know it is over and you won't V* again. I know how difficult it is since I have a 3 year old and he has V*d on the floor in most rooms of our home. I cleaned it up and did not make a big deal out of it since I do not want him to be an emet ( i have been this way for as long as i can remember and it is not a fun way to live). I do think about it when I walk in areas where it happened, but it's gone, over with and you are fine.


I'm proud that you were able to V* and not panic. I would have been a basket case and still would be.


Just know that your room is clean, safe and V* FREE and you can move on.

[bexcelica]

i agree, and commend you for being able to clean it up yourself! i would have freaked! thats so good. dont worry, like gubba said, you cant catch soething from yourself.

[shiva]

Okie dokie.. First I have to ask.. Why did you vomit?


Next.. How about re arranging your room so that it doesn't look the same as it does now. Move furniture, buy a throw rug, a new comforter.... Try listening to music before bed and maybe do something like buy a lava lamp and watch it as you fall asleep. I hear that a fish tank is good too. It's stress relief to watch the fishes and the water noise is supposedly soothing. Plus, it would add to your new decor

[hiimkb]

I v* because, embarrased to say, I was drinking wine. I am in college and trying to enjoy my "college experience" so I deal with the fear around drinking because a) under the influence I am not as nervous about it, and also b) if I do indeed v* it makes me feel better. Also, I sort of use drinking as a way to calm my anxiety (yes, I know it is unhealthy). But, I don't get sick very often from drinking, and when I do it is always very controlled because I take myself to the bathroom and then feel better afterwards. However, this time I drank too much (and apparently wine has a bad effect on me) and actually v* in my sleep. I think much of what keeps haunting me is the lack of control. I woke up having a semi-memory of it occuring, but mainly it felt like a dream (or nightmare). I blacked out. And usually, no matter how much I drink, I always am on guard or ready to flip on a sober switch if necessary - which also has a lot to do with other people and feeling the need to be able to care for others, and keep them safe, and be responsible for myself as well so no one elsehas to take care of me.However, this time I had no control.
Shiva - thanks for the advice. I bought a rug yesterday and covered up the spot where it happened (it is a wood floor so there is no stain or anything, but it is stained in my mind). And am truly considering buying a fish Thank you for the advice.
Last night I used some mala beads (string of beads used for focusing in meditation) and repeated the mantra "i am peaceful" while sleeping. It made me feel slightly more calm, but really I just wanted to fall asleep so I did not think about anything.
It is hard talking to friends about this because its such a strange concept for them. My best friend is really supportive, but clearly does not really understand why I would still have such anxiety.