Childhood question: Was it just me??

[meercat]

Ya know, when i seriously think back on how long i've had anxiety attacks and emetophobia, i can't believe what i discovered. I can remember kindergarten, i would be so terrified of V*ing, or another classmate doing it (which happened alot!), that i would go to the nurses office many times. I can even remember being hopelessly lost in the huge school hallways, roaming around terrified because i felt sick, my breathing was difficult, my heart was racing, etc. I have come to realize that i was indeed having anxiety attacks from my emet, all the way back to 4-5 years old!! When i think about it, i find that so sad!!..Almost like it isn't me, i'm talking about...it's just the fact that such a small innocent child has to go through a crippling fear like that, and could not understand why!!!! Back then, in the early 70s, you never heard the term "anxiety attack" and so doctors would misdiagnose it and my mother couldn't understand what was wrong either...heck, I didn't know what my own fear was back then!!! All i knew was i was terrified of school (all the way to high school, in which i eventually even quit school in the 9th grade over this phobia!) I would give my poor mom a hard time each morning, crying, petrified to go, and not know exactly why. She would ask me what it was that makes me not wanna go...was it a teacher or student bothering me? etc...and i was say "no", yet i didn't have any answers for her.

This phobia had practically run my life ever since those days. Kept me from enjoying so many opportunities, and still does to some extent. I eventually did go back to night school for my diploma, but have regretted to this day, not graduating with my own class.

Anyway, my question is this...Can anyone else relate to these early childhood experiences? How utterly sad i feel when i think about it, and the possibility of small children today, going through the same thing. It just shouldn't happen to innocent children, who are in developmental ages, cuz it will affect their entire lives!

How completely EVIL this phobia is!!! It's obviously not age discriminating.

It's so strange, my heart breaks for myself (as a child) and those others at that age who have this! :-(

God bless us all!

Paula

[the_becky]

Oh yes... I have had this phobia since I was four years old. What a terrifying day it was... I remember I was in preschool, and my best friend, David, was as pale as a ghostone morning...I remembered crawling up to him and asking him what was the matter, when a teacher came up from behind me, scooped me up with one arm and flung meaway from David (I wassmall!)... but little did I know that she had saved me... for right after she had thrown me, David started to v*. I was terrified, and in my desperation, hid behind another girl as he was escorted to the nurse.


I am 15, now, and even though 11 years have gone by,emetophobia has, and probably always will, haunt me.... it breaks my heart when I can't go out and do the thingsthat other 15-year-olds would do without worrying about the state of my stomach...and, I, too, miss out on the rich rewards of high school by staying home if I feel the slightest bother in my tummy.... I don't know when this is all going to end...[img]smileys/smilies_16.gif[/img]

[valleymist]

I felt like I was reading about myself there, minus the 70's part as I'm only
16 now. My parents only learned about my phobia last month.

I see what you're saying though, as soon as I discovered this website and
learned more about emetophobia, all the puzzle pieces seemed to fit
together. I remember my mom constantly telling my doctor that I was
always nervous, and had anxiety attacks but he didn't know what to tell
her. He assumed it was just because my parents were divorcing and
things were hectic, and while that was affecting me, it was this phobia
that was giving me such anxiety attacks. When I was in gr. 2 I started to
constantly check expiry dates on EVERYTHING, my mom would flip
because it got really annoying for her. When my stomach felt even a little
sick, I wouldn't touch milk for days as I thought it would make me v*. My
doctor knew that part, but still, I guess he never knew about
emetophobia. He would just take blood work all the time to see if I had
deficiencies (due to my lack of eating for fear of v*ing). I would always
call home sick because I made myself believe I was going to get the SV.
My anxiety made me constantly n* even at that age. I remember all my
teachers telling me I looked pale, especially in gr. 3,4 and 5. That would
make me more sick, just because they said that. I also remember in gr. 3 I
ate something bad for lunch and I felt like it was really going to happen
this time. I told my teacher I felt sick and she told me to stay by the toilet.
I went but refused to go to close to it, I would just cover my mouth, start
breathing heavily until I got light headed. I couldn't do it. She sent me
home and it was later that day I couldn't stop myself for much longer and
I did v*. I believe that was the last time I ever did, and I never want to
experience it ever again.

It is a really powerful phobia though isn't it? I hate it so much and it is
evil. You're right, no child should have to go through that. I'm still in high
school and I always go home when someone else gets sick, for the most
part, I manage to do good with my phobia at school.

[meercat]

Thank you both for replying :-) I also want to commend you both also for sticking it out in school and not letting this fear win by quitting, like i did! GOOD for you! :-)

One thing you have that i did not, is the knowledge of this phobia, knowing what it is at a much younger age than i was, also knowing that you are not alone!! I just found out last month that this actually has a name, and the fact that there are many others who share this phobia!! So you should consider yourselves very blessed in finding this out at a young age :-)

God bless you!

Paula

[*mandi*]

I totally relate to your childhood problems. I was exactly the same way. ITs hard living with soo many years in pain from this phobia. I remember I got really sick in kindergarden and V* in class and everyone thought I was gross.


I remember going to the nurses office on a weekly basis. Half the time they didnt even call my mom b.c I was there so much...they thought I was making things up. i remember always crying that I didnt want to go to school. I was even held back a grade b.c I cired everyday that I was sick!


I really would not wish this on anyone! This is very horrible. It is a very scary thing to go through as a child...and especially harder if you dont have the parents who understand and just think your saying things to get out of going to school!

[meercat]

Yes, when i was in the nurses office, i can remember also, that she wouldn't call my mom, or when she did, she STILL made me stay!! There was a time when my mom came in to the nurses office and sat with me while i was laying on a cot, and she even asked the nurse if she could just please take me home, and the old crow said NO!!! That time was very traumatizing for me.

[*mandi*]

I always hated the nurses at school. It got to the point where I was so bad I would go there atelast once a week...and the nurse would just look at me and say "Mandi your fine, go back to class"


I do remember at one of the times I was sent back to the classroom I was crying and I ended up V* in the classroom. I even remmeber saying..Now do you beleive me?

[meercat]

I came across this very nurse some years later, when i was in my 20s, and thought to myself...MAN she STILL looks like the old witch i remember hehehe!!! MAN am i glad my school days are over hehe! Even now, at 37, whenever September rolls around and the weather gets cool, with the leaves falling and such...i still get that dreaded feeling about the beginning of the school year. Just brings back too many horrible memories!

Mandi, it's so nice to know someone else knows exactly what im talking about It's a shame we had to go though that!

[*mandi*]

I know..Just to think that maybe that stupid heartless nurse could have added to my phobia and made it worse. Who knows? But I know what you mean about the school year starting. I am soooo glad I never have to go to school again!





I only hope that there arent kids going through what we had to go through

[meercat]

Oh i know! I think about that too, whenever i see a small kid walking to school alone. Some look really sad, and i have to wonder.

Hey maybe we had the same old hag of a nurse!! LOL!

[samara's on tv]

I remember being really young and always going to the nurse and telling her I didn't feel good. I was there almost every day in highschool (When I went to public school that is) After I switched schools I actually didn't get anxiety attacks as much. But every time I was in the nurses office she would tell me that I was fine and to go back to class. I hated to go into the nurses office because I always was SO SURE that someone in there was actually going to be sick. I would call my mom like every other day from school begging her to let me come home but she always said no. I had anxiety attacks I remember from as early as first grade...I don't remember kindergarten so much though. I know how you feel...things were pretty bad for me growing up.


~Monica

[*mandi*]

Hey Monica...I read in one of your posts that your in Cleveland Ohio? Me too!

[meercat]

Hey that's cool that you 2 are from the same city!!
That would be wonderful having someone to be friends with and hang out, that can completely understand you!

Hope you guys meet up!

Now find me someone on here from eastern PA. hahaha!

[*mandi*]

Hey..PA isnt that far from here!

[x hannah x]

I had so many emet experiences when i was little, but I only remember a handful of them. Probably my earliest one was in year 2 (second grade I guess for the americans here? i don't know, i was about 7 anyway) I went swimming with my school and afterwards I got so lost and wandered into a big cubicle where someone had v*ed on the floor andI was so freaked out and didn't know why. I ran off and sat in a corner shivering and crying and breathing weirdly (hyperventilating I guess) I was so scared and I didn't know why, which made it scarier. My first panic attack. It's nice to have memories. [img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img]On the bus on the way back I had my eyes closed the whole time because i was sure it would happen again but I still didn't know why.


And I know what you mean, meercat. I feel sorry for the little kid that was me too.


There were lots of other things too, like a few weeks laterwhen I was in class and someone v*ed suddenly and I ran out and sat in the hall and refused to come back in for afternoon lessons, long after the girl had gone home and everything was cleaned.


And in my next school (I went to a few, long story) when a boy left and came back and said he'd v*ed I asked to go to the office because he was making me feel sick (which is still what happens when I panic) and the teacher said I was trying to get attention and I WASN'T THE ONE WHO WAS ILL (How many times have we all heard that? it's one of my favourites, along with "Nobody likes v* though" [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img])


I heard that phrase a lot from my dad when I tried to explain it to him, I remember when I was very young (7ish) "I'm scared of sick" (Good grammar huh?) and he said if I was going to be silly he didn't want to talk to me


I used to go home every time there was a scary moment and soon they stopped letting me and I had no escape, I was so scared. It didn't help that I was being bullied and that anxiety about that and about emet and genuinely feeling ill got all mixed up. The ages of 6 to 10 where my worst years I think. And to this day I still "save up" sick days for when there isan sv going round or something happens at school so I can never stay off when I'm genuinely ill with a cold or somethingbecause if it's too often people will be suspicious and I need to keep my days off for emet crisis's.


Wow, many memories. Sorry bout that.

[meercat]

Hello hannah!

I am soooo sorry you had to go through those same experiences, like i (and the rest of us on this post) did, when you were little! But don't ever apologize for venting your feelings, either about the past times, or ones you're feeling right now! It's good to get them out in the open, especially to people who share you fears and anxieties. It's actually a benefit to YOU (cuz you can vent all of those ugly memories to people who completely understand), and it benefits the rest of US on here (cuz we no longer feel alone in this when we come across similar situations that others share too!!) :-D

I can remember a time in the 3rd grade, when a girl (and i can still remember her full name!!) got sick in class. I sat right next to her and our desks were together and she v*ed and got some of it on my desk and on ME!!! I had to go home and change clothes, but i was terrified to go back, and i would NEVER wear the same clothes again, that i wore that day!! My mom couldn't understand why, (even I couldn't understand back then). I thought that if i wore that same clothes again, either that same girl, or "I" would v*!! I even felt that no matter how many times those clothes were washed, they were still not clean of the v* that was on them. I'm still sorta the same way to this day hehe! But not quite as bad, as logic set in once i got older. Yet i still never forget an incident or myself or anyone v*ing!! It's burned in my memory forever!! :-(

I wish hypnosis could erase memories like that!!! Or even be hypnotized into never knowing you had this phobia!!
You know what i think? I think we should all pray...pray for all of the small children of this world who may be suffering from emetophobia and not even know it yet! And also pray for ourselves (when we were children), cuz where God is, there IS no time, and the prayers we send up to him for our own childhood, could actually heal a part of us! I firmly believe that!

I surely can't hurt!

Thanks again, all of you , for the replies!

God bless!

[tcsarah]

Another one here who had her childhood plagued by emet, and had the school staff wondering why I visited the sick room so much (usually always because of anxiety).


I remembering thinking I was really weird after having my first full-blown panic attack at11 years oldor that maybe something serious was wrong. But I never told a soul about how I felt as I thought they wouldn't understand or would think I was crazy. My teenage years were ruined by emet and agorophobia, I missed out on a lot of things, like avoiding going out with friends after school or at weekends. And I spent most of my school years from 11 onwards with daily panic attacks or anxiety of some kind during school. It was horrible. When I think of all those years I suffered in silence, not knowing what was wrong with me or if I was really going crazy- I didn't start to tell people how I felt untilI was in my early twenties. If ony I had had a place like this group to visit when I was younger, it would have been such a support and comfort. At least today's youngsters can get more help, it's a comfort to know that.


Tracey

[Galadriel]

Yeah I have those horrible memories of feeling sick and being in the nurses office. I think the time that really started it all was in 3rd grade I really was sick with a bug, and after that I got stomach aches all the time and I went to the nurses office not long after I had had the bug, and I of course had no idea it was an anxiety stomach ache, I didn't even know what that was. So all day I sat in the office, and my dad came when the schoolday was ending and he said "don't ever do this again" so yeah I was stuck in school even with feeling sick. I never went home after that with a stomach ache.

[x hannah x]

my dad came when the schoolday was ending and he said "don't ever do this again" so yeah I was stuck in school even with feeling sick. I never went home after that with a stomach ache.


Don't you wish you had known then and could explain it? I mean we get some weird reactions now but we know what we are talking about at least. I feel so sorry for little people with emet. We need like an advert or something. Or maybe at least some leaflets. I can see it now, posters in the doctors office. "Scared of v*? You may have emetophobia, pick up a leaflet today" If only.

[hiimkb]

A haunting memory I still experience when I think about it was in Kindergarten on the bus ride home from school. I sat at the front of the bus (cause I was at the bottom of the elementary hierarchy) and a 5th grader sitting in the back of the bus v*. The bus driver didn't do anything about it, so I thought it was going to roll down the isle. I vividly remember kneeling (so my feet wern't on the ground) on the seat with my little backpack on only 5 years old being absolutely petrified. It never actually rolled near me or anything, but I still am anxious telling this story.


I totally agree with others - finding this site and learning more about the phobia explained so much of my past experiences!

[*mandi*]

now that I think of it...besides the school nurse not believing you...but did anyone else's parents not beleive you either? My mom would get mad everytime I told her I felt sick. Which was almost on a daily basis. She got so fed up with it that I remember I had to go to the hospital and get all these tests done. And of course...they didnt find anything wrong with my stomach, b.c. it was the anxiety making me feel that way. Till this day my mom still doesnt understnad this phobia and what I go through. She still tells me to this day "no one like to be sick" UGH! When will people understand??

[x hannah x]

I suppose its hard to understand when you haven't been through it yourself, I can't understand how my friend is scared of cats but they terrify her.

[jamie24]

all of these replies seem like they are coming straight out of my own
life!!! Isn't it horrible?? My first memory of being emet was when I
was about 10..my friend called and said her whole family was sick and
v*ing all day. The sad part was, I had to go over to her house to get
my backpack with my homework in it..my mom made me, even thought I
protested up a storm...

I remember holding my breath when I went inside, running out as quick
as I could, and holding the bag and arm's length the whole 10 blocks
home, breathing shallowly and panicing beyond belief....and like many
of you, not REALLY knowing why.



Thanks for all your posts, having JUST found out about this, this site is soooo helpful.

[the_becky]

As long as I shall live, I will NEVER forget the time I got food poisoning away from home... My mom, dad, and I were on our way to our annual family vacation to Las Vegas. On the way there, we all became hungry, so I looked around the car for snacks. To my delight, I found an unopened bag of dried fruit, which was my favorite food. I ate and ate, and gave my dad some too, when I came across a strange-looking one... it looked like a funny bluish-green dried apple. The idiot that I was, I ate half of it... and gave the other half to my dad as a joke, because it tasted terrible. Later on that night... we all went to our favorite restaurant. My dad looked pale... and my mother looked frightened. See... I didn't know it, but my dad had v*ed only minutes before (WHILE WE WERE OUT!), and since my mother knew that I am an emet, she feared that I would panic in this fancy restaurant. He excused himself frequently... and I had no idea why.


We went back to our hotel room... and to my horror, I heard my father begin to v* (he does it very loudly.. ugh..). I hyperventilated, and refused to come back into the hotel room... but then... I started to feel a little n* myself... and I thought this isn't happening...


At about 4:00 in the morning... I sat up in bed with overwhelming n*... I told my mother... "I think I am going to be sick..." and her usual reply of "No... it's all in your head..." haunts me... I got sick in that very bed. It was awful... room service had to come in and take away the wretched blankets and both me and my father ended up having food poisoning for two days... and all because of a piece of molded fruit.


Absolutely NOT my best days... but I tell this story as a way of saying... "Hey... I may think about it every day... but I'm alive."


And you know what else??? I lost 10 lbs. after it! (But I gained it back, because the first solid food I kept down was a burger! Mmm, burger." [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[troger]

i have 2 words...Jana Rose!


i am 35 years old and to this day i HATE HER for getting sick in front of me in kindergarten! my mom was late that day picking me up in the cafeteria and i had to witness that on a friday! my mom always had iced oatmeal cookies for me on fridays and to this day i cannot eat one. i never got sick from it but it sooooo took it's toll. i graduated from high school with jana and we never spoke again. i would just run if i saw her. isn't it crazy that one moment can change your life forever???

[meercat]

To "other" people, that may sound crazy...but to ME and probably everyone else on here, i can completely understand and agree!

Just to prove it..i only have 2 words also...Geralyn Kern!
This is the girl who v*ed in my 3rd grade class and got "it" on ME!

Actually i have more names i could name of kids who got sick in front of me in class, and i can name the grade each of the events happened in.

Unfortunately, our brains never let us forget details of the most unpleasant and horrifying events in our lives!!! And to us emets, it's the v*ing epsodes

I even have a close, dear friend who spent the night at my house years ago, and v*ed. Her's was from alcohol, but she didn't make it to my bathroom!! You can't believe....(well actually yes you probably can) how ANGRY i got at her!!!!!! I felt no sympathy for her what-so-ever, and i never had her stay at my place again...that event (which was when i was 17, that was 20 years ago) had made me change how i feel about her in some way...it's like it branded her with a mark that forever reminds me of that night!

So, if you think you are crazy...then i'll jump on the crazy train with ya!!!