any advice please? :)

[jezebel]

hey im pretty much brand new to this and i never realised there were so many people with emetophobia. its awesome, ive never spoken to anybody who TRULY understands before.


i am insanely petrified of V* and have been for as long as i can remember. It got really bad at the start of primary 6 when is topped eating full stop. i thought that if i ate i would throw up and had panic attacks about it all the time. i was a constant mess and becamelifeless and very very skinny. this gradually got beter and im in 4th year at high school right now and am eating reasonably ok. although im eating ok im only eating my safe foods which there are only about 5 of lol. i need to start trying new foods etc because i am under nutritioned and am getting very bored of the same things every day but im too scared to try new foods because i think theyre going to make me throw up. any advice?


the thought of being sick worries me every second of every day and no matter what im doing i find myself sitting thinking "your gonna be sick, no your not, yes you are etc." and when i wake up in the morning the first thing i think is "are you going to be sick today?" so far i have been sick once in my lifde and taht was 6 years ago but i am petrified at the thought that this could happen again one day.


recently i have encountered about 5 of my friends throwing up in front of me due to alcohol so i have been increasingly worried about it recently. i cope with it by rationalising it, telling myself why that person was sick and why its not going to happen to me etc. but i cant seem to do that with this case. i know it was because of alcohol but i still get panicky when i think of it, i think tis cause i actually witnessed it.


i cope with it now and everything but its stil ALWAYS on my mind but i only occasionally get panic attacks. i feel better when im outside. i find that it gets in the way of everything i do and prevents me from doing alot of things ide like to do. for example, i go to my boyfriends house alot and his mum always asks me "what would you like for dinner?" and i always just say "oh thanks but ive already eaten" which she must know is a lie and i feel stupid and embaressed about it. my boyfriend is aware of my situation and is evry supportive but hes never seen it full blown before so i dont think he really understands,. which is ok but i just get a bit embaressed about it infront of him sometimes and im not qutie sure what to do about tea at his house. its always a problem and always gets in the way and its on my mind constantly i cant stress enough how much its always on my mind. im always reassuring myself that its ok and everything and that its not gonna happen.


i have so much to write and i want to talk to somebody properly about it but im not sure who to go to, i speak to my parents and brother about it openly but i would like to talk to somebody whose gone through the same thing i have. any advice or tips or whatever, would be very very much appreciated.


thank you, hope this post isnt too long. :P

[gubba]

welcome aboard and I am happy to tell you that you are among friends here that all understand you. I was like you. I could not believe that there were people out there who had this problem. I had told my mom and husband, but kept it pretty much to myself since I thought I was nuts. What a nice relief to find others with the same problems.


Eat!!! It makes you feel worse when you don't. I am 41 years old and have been this way as long as I can remember. I know that doesn't sound like a lot fo help, but it may help to know that food is not going to hurt you and that over all the years I found that when I did eat, I felt less sick since I had a little food in my tummy to soak up that acid that builds up and makes us feel worse. I have been where you are and I learned that I was probably not going to be sick and even if I was it would pass and it would be awful, but over soon. I learned to eat that way.


Now, that said, I do wake up daily worried that I will be sick as well. It is that fear of the unknown and I hate that. i have a 3 year old son and I think about it for him as well. It is a very difficult way to live and you almost have to manage these thoughts like a job. Keep them in perspective and not letting them run your life is the hardest part. I am like you when I know I can't get the V* from someone drunk, I still freak out over it, but I don't panic since I know it was from alcohol and not an SV. I freak out and panic over the SV thing and I don't eat for a few days after being exposed to it for fear of getting it.


You are not alone and that is the first step and feeling better about yourself. There are so many of us here that you can always find a good ear and a shoulder to lean on even if it is a keyboard.


Welcome and I hope this has helped.

[jezebel]

thank you for replying! it feels great to know that there are people out there, i only found this website tonight, i was getting panicky so i thought ide see if there was anything to read about emetophobia online to get some help and now im smiling and in a great mood and i just had some food


yea keeping things in perspective is i guess a bit hard for me sometimes, i dont know if this is jsut me being silly or not but whats SV? it took me a while to realise but yea you feel so much better when youve got some food inside you and you can think properly i find that if i am going on an empty stomach my mind plays tricks on me.


thanks again for replying and making me smile

[SimplyMe]

Welcome to the site! You are definately not alone.


As for getting help, there is a "sticky" post at the top of either the treatment or general discussion forums on how to find a good therapist.


I can relate to the eating thing, I was a lot like you were w/ theconstant panicking and not eating right wheni was 20 yrs old. It was awful! May I ask what you are eating now? your 5 safe foods? One thing that might help you as you are starting off are the instant breakfast or meal replacementshakes, they have vitamins plus you are getting your milk in. For me, I didn't have "safe" foods I was just too panicked to eat half the time but I would imagine slowly introducing different foods into your diet would be helpful. Pasta is always good mmm pasta lol. It's filling and good for you. I know veggies aren't everyones favorite but they are good for you and if properly washed safe. Beans if you like them are good protien, anything soy is good for you, nuts. Good things, I think, to start off slow w/ and once you realize they don't make you sick it will get easier and easier. I used to eat MAYBE the equivelent of 1 meal a day now I eat indefinite 3 plus snacking etc lol. Good luck and keep on posting!

[jezebel]

my 5 "safe foods" are- quorn fillets- im a vegetarian so that gives me even less nutrients!!


waffles


pasta


beans on toast


and chocolate. i can eat most chocolates, there seems to be something about taht i dont know it seems like its not real food so its not going to make me sick :S confusing but hey!


yea my parents had suggested those shakes but im a bit worried about drinking them because i have a theory that if i drank it all i would be sick cause i drank it :S maybe if i ate it with a spoon it wouldnt happen?


yea i was very bad with eating, i just didnt eat and when i saw the food ide have panic attacks, some days i jsut wouldnt stop crying all day it was horrible. and i can control it now but its still always there if you get me? and i have the occasional panic attack. thats awesome that your eating again though, its alot harder to start eating again though, have you ever got when youve had the food in your mouth but you just cannot swallow it? its reallyhard to go through but stay strong cause you can get through it if you believe that you can. and it gradually gets better and better - hehe i just cant stop smiling after finding this website its helping me already.


thank you for the advice i think ill try some of those shakes

[jezebel]

oh chips are another safe food :P

[gubba]

SV is the stomach virus

[jezebel]

ah okie doke

[*mandi*]

I totally understand where you are coming from. Im exactly the same way. Imgoing through a phase rightnow where I just cant eat anything. It is so hard to even swallow my food, and I am very very skinny, malnurished. I absolutely hate it!


All i think about is if im going to be sick. As soon as I wake up everyday, that is the first thought that comes to my mind. Am I going to feel sick today? And of course my heart starts racing,and then I have another horrible day. ITs never ending for me. I am hoping I can find some help soon. I have an appointment set to see a doctor, but I coudnt get in till next month. I dont even know If I can last that long You should talk to your doctor about it and see if he can help you or see if he can reccommend someone.. Hope your felling better

[jezebel]

yea im the same, i went to see my doctor cause i was getting bad and he jsut made me make a food diary which was scary to read and quite depressing. Try rationalising it out, my dads a nurse and hes always explaining why people are sick to me and everything and its not actually an easy thing to happen. it doesnt just happen. but then again i could tell you the ins and outs but youd probably still owrry about it, i know i still worry about it anyway! its a completel horrible thing to have and its really hard but dont give up.


how old are you or how long have you had it for? its such an evil thing to have, do you find it gets in the way of alot of things? your doctor might be able to help you though, he might refer you to a specialist, i would just recommend NOT to go on prozak if they offer you it cause its hell to come off of apparently and it can just make it worse. you should really try and force yourself to eat something even if its just little tiny things, and believe me i know its not that easy i know how hard it is but you need food to survive and to have energy to do anyhting and although this sounds silly, when you eat your brain has energy so it processes things better, therefore- i found this to be true anyway- you dont worry about being sick in the same way you would when you havent eaten because you can rationalise it and explain it to yourself.


im not sure if any of what i said is any help but heres a wee saying i like- what doesnt kill you makes you stronger- so dont let it kill you, fight it, because you can do it if you believe you can do it, and i know how hard it is but dont let it beat you. stay strong

[*mandi*]

im 24, and I've had it for as long as I can remember. Just not as bad as it has been for the last couple of years. WhenI was 20 it hit me really hard and I wasnt eating anything at all..My mom rushed me to the hospital, and they put me ina clinic b.c they thought Ihad an eating disorder.


They put me on Paxil. IT did help some, although I did get panic attacks every now and then. I was on it for about a year and had to stop b.c I didnt have the moeny to pay for it anymore. It was very hard getting off of that drug! The past 3 years since I have been off it I could handle. I didnt think about V* that much, only when I would go out to places.


But this past year it has been really getting to me. And this past month it has hit me really hard again. Where I just cant eat. Im losing a lot of weight. No one in my family seems to understand. So its hard to tell them whats wrong with me. They all tell me Im going to die if i dont eat. So naturally I start freaking out when I get like this. And it just makes things worse. I wish there was some way to get my appatite back.


I undersatnd what your saying about eating and feeling better. When I do try to eat something (very small) I think to myself..atleast I ate something..I feel better knowing that I have something in my stomach..But I still feel the nausea and the panic. And then I start thinking all these bad thoughts. It just plays over and over in my head. Will I always be liek this? Is this going to kill me? When will it ever end? Why cant I be normal?

[jezebel]

i get that will i always be like this will it ever end and everything, and i think its one of those things that is with you all the time i dont think its going to go away but you can make it as better as you can, if you get me? like you can get help from people and talk to people about it but ultimitely its down to you. which is a scary thought but you have to beat it rather than let it beat you.


its such a hard thing to deal with and i understand exactly how you feel and what your giong through, im just hoping mine doesnt come back as bad as it was a while ago, im only 15 so i still have alot to go through and recently ive been getting morepanicky again not exactly sure why. do you still get panic attacks?


there are times when you just cant eat but you dont want to end up in hospital on a drip feed or whatever. there were times when i just thought i can not eat ever again but then some days ide have better days than others and on my better days ide force myself to eat. on my bad days ide maybe sometimes attempt but never really did, and my bad days were far more than my good days.


music was always comfort for me. infact, this might sound a little funny but do you like "friends"? cuase when i got panic attacks just after ide got one ide go and watch friends and it always cheered me up and seemingly helped me be happy for a little while. i remember really recently one of the times one of my friends threw up due to alcohol i went into a different room and watched friends and it helped me for at least while i was watching it.


you just gotta stick through it and be brave . how are you feeling just now?

[*mandi*]

Right now I feel horrilbe. I just found this site a few days ago, and I constantly reading everyones posts to try to make myself feel better. This whole week I havent been able to eat much. Ive been forcing myself to eat bread. ITs hard to even swallow. and i am very underweight. I really dont want to end up in the hospital with a tube down my throat to feed me. This feeling is so scary.


I know waht you mean about watching something comforting. This sounds ridiculous...but when i feel really bad I watch Full House! Ha! I guess b.c i use to watch it when i was a kid, and it brings me comfort. Too bad the comfort didnt last afterwards. And yes I still get panic attacks.Just recently these past 6 months Ive been getting really bad panic attacks. I dont know waht brought them on all of a sudden. Just like this fear. IT happened out of no where and now I cant seem to get it to go away this time.

[jezebel]

yea i understand with the panic attacks, mine can come from nowhere and be completely insane and scary.


do you have any safe foods? i was scared when i wasnt eating because i remember the moment i realised that soon i was gonna be in hospital because i hadnt noticed it happening before really i wasnt concerned with it but then i just noticed a pair of my jeans which were very tight didnt fit me in the slightest anymore they just fell down and when i sat down i used to look at my stomach and when i was sitting down i could see all of my ribs. its scary as anything but thats what made me think right you have to get this sorted out now. sounds really like im repeating myself but you have to be really strong, wihch also isnt easy if youve not got any food/energy in you. its such a hard thing to cope with. hmm..what about trying chocolate or an ice lolly or something. i know its not really real food but i find that easier to eat when im like that than normal food. you should try n eat something,you wont throw up. i remember about two months ago i went through a week where i was back to how i was a couple of years ago and it scared the crap out of me i thought it had gone right back to the beginning but thenit got back to like i am now. sometimes you go through wee phases.are you gettingenough sleep?


do you like candy floss?

[*mandi*]

Whats candy floss? I know Im really freaked out thinking Im back to how I was a few years ago when I was rushed the ER. I dont want that again. And I dont want to get skinnier. I ahte being skinny. I look so discusting.


Yes Im gettin enough sleep. Sleeping is the only thing I like to do anymore b.c I dont worry about anything when im asleep. I probably sleep too much. Anywhere from 7-10 hours. This is so hard to deal with. And it makes me so depressed thinking that I will always be like this. Have you gotten any help? Do you have advice or anything that makes you feel betteR?

[jezebel]

oh , cotton candy?


ah i did that for a long time. sleep so i didnt worry but sometimes i dreamt about it.


em, i have never got any help for it before, my parents and brother were actually amazing with me with this and i just spoke to them and they helped me. my dad is very good with stuff like this he seems to always know exactly what to say. think that your not always going to be like this instead of that you are because you can control it, just work really hard at it, dont let it beat you, think positively about it, i know all this is so much easier said than done and it will be really hard but if you can come out of it youll be such a strong minded person. i tell myself sometimes- food is good- its not food that makes you throw up, although if you havent eaten in ages and then go and eat alot i think you could throw up but you wouldnt be binging so thats ok. your more likely to be sick or become ill if you dont eat than if you do.


being outside and going for walks always made me feel better. i hate that panicky feeling, and the feeling of just worrying and thinking about V**** its horrible. so i used to go out for walks or go to sleep. do you do art? cause you could draw, or write down everything that your feeling, i find that helps sometimes. watch something comforting or listen to comforting music. emm...have a bath. actually im not sure if you would be into any of this at all but i have a meditation/grounding thing which really helped me a few times, i have to go offline just now but ill find it for you and type it out for you tomorrow or something.


hope you feel better, deep breathe and do whatever you do to jsut reassure yourself. think good thoughts not bad. i know its hard but you can get through it.

[bexcelica]

welcome. what i woud say about being undernuroished or however you spell that haha. try organic foods, or pure foods. take vitamins, and eat a lot of good things like fruit and veggies. chiken wont make you sick unless its undercooked or old. so what i do is just buy chicken, cook it that night, and i know i shouldnt but i always overcook it just in case so try things like chicken caeser salad and what not. its good for you plus you get some more nutrition

[*mandi*]

Ive only been eating small ham sandwiches. Withjust bread, two thin slices of ham with potato chips crushed inside. But I still feel sick. I am really tring to fight this. Its just so hard, and Ive been over emotional about this. I find myself bawling my eyes out. My eyes burn from crying so much.


I told my boyfriend to bring home some taco bell tonight. So hopefully I will be able to eat the 2 tacos. The way im feeling right now though who knows if i can.


Thanks for trying to help me. I feel bad, since this is your post and asking for advice! And here I am making things worse! Thanks for trying to help

[SimplyMe]

I do the same as Bex, I cook the chicken waaay longer than necessary but hey if it makes us feel safer about eating it then so be it.


I have an idea about the shakes, could you put them in the blender w/ some ice (or ice cream) to give them and "eating" consistancy? drinking it wont' make you sick but if it gives you comfort to feel you ate it rather than drank it this might work.


OK this was/is mostly true for me so I'm wondering if it is for you guys, do you feel less anxious when you are busy or have company? Cuz what saved me was getting a job at a pizza place (the hours were my normal panic hours and i gained weight from working there lol) hope this helps. What you're both going thru sux and I wish I had more to offer you.

[jezebel]

oh good idea about the shakes, thank you! i just have a weird theory bout drinking stuff like that :S.


ah well yes with chicken, im a vegetarian which i guess just makes it worse cause thats even less for me to eat and my parents have asked me to really think about eating meat again to try and help keep me balanced but im not sure if i should or not.


thanks for the advice hmm infact im gonna go make a milkshake see how that is