Opposite of emet

[nonem]

Hi. I'm not an emet, and I only know of this forum because a friend's daughter has the phobia. I don't know if this is going to help anyone, but I'll tell my story on the remote off-chance that a shift in perspective just might prove useful.If it only helps one person here, and then only slightly, it will have been worth it


Some years ago I had an operation that repaired a tear in my diaphragm (the membrane at the top of the abdomen) and tightened the valve where the oesophesgus (food tube) enters the stomach. The surgeon must have been having a good day, because he tightened it real good. The legacy of his considerable strength is that I now can't v*. Really, I can't. No matter how terrible I feel, no matter how ill I am, nothing can ever come back via that route.


Some emets will probably think this is the answer to half (or more!) of their worries, and want to have the operation themselves, but I can tell you from experience thatthe way ithas left me isnot good. This condition is not a blessing, it's a curse. If you need to get rid of bacterial toxins - or whatever -fast, then the thing you all fear isjustyour body's wisdom at work. It's an option thatmy bodyno longer has, and that's a real problem. I won't get graphic on you, but there was a recent viral outbreak during which I first realised (many years after the operation!)that I can no longer do something that comes naturally to most people. However incredible it may seem, I would have sold my soul to be able to do the thing you fear most.


Don't get me wrong. I'm not belittling the problem of emet - I've lurked here for a long time, and I know how it disfigures your lives and robs you of the freedom you deserve. Believe me when I say that I know how you suffer, because I do. So inthis post I'm just asking you to do the impossible - put yourself momentarily in the position of someone who has the opposite problem - and see the thing you loatheas a blessing. If you can do that - even for the briefest moment -you will havehad a little victory over emet , and I will feel that my own suffering has had a purpose after all.


- Doug.

[sage]

Doug, thank you for this insight. How thoughtful of you to post it.


I'm sure your story will make a difference to many people who suffer from this disorder.

[jesskali]

Doug--your post gives a very different perspective to emet. You are exactly right about the body needing to get rid of toxins through *v*. I hope that more of us emets will try to see things that way!

Jess

[kate1966]

Doug...I am sorry about your position...and I agree that we do tend to see the negative side of V.....however...i really believe at least for myself...that the fear we have is so great...that we cannot see the opposite side of things....unfortunetly.....I can not imagine not being able to V if my body needed me too....and I would come to terms with it if I do. And you are so right about when you are sick and your body needs to get rid of toxins...i think we all know that when we are truely sick....and we V....it's all going to be ok...it's just the fear itself that kills us......Thanks for your insight...and I will keep you in my prayers...K

[gubba]

Doug, you are so wonderful to post something so important. I have been an emet all my life that I can remember and I think the fear that I have is more of the unknown than the V* thing itself. I think if I just knew I was going to V* on Tuesday at noon and I would be at home and it would happen once, I would be fine. Or if I knew it would be annually on January 10. Whatever the case, your situation does put many things into perspective for me. It makes me know that V* can't be a bad thing even if it seems so scarey, but that in your case, not V*ing is more scarey.


I am sorry for you and I hate that anyone should suffer, so your words have helped me to understand that this curse that we live with daily, 24/7, may not be the worst thing in the world. Now if I can just think about this constantly instead of V*ing, I will be fine.

[bexcelica]

doug, i agree with everyone in thanking you for posting yoru story. and i personally respect the fact of how you said your not belittling our emet. i think it is probably just as bad to not be able to v* when you feel so sick than being scared of it as we are. thanks

[x hannah x]

Thanks for posting your story, i have thought about it that way sometimes, but logic isn't always easy.


When I read the topic I thought it was going to be one of these people who is like "I love v*, it so cool, i do it for fun" and I was like, why do they come here? lol


That made no sense, ignore me I'm sleepy today.

[gumdropper1]

Hi non-emet Doug, I'm Doug the Emet. Thanks for sharing your story.


The operation you refer to is called a fundoplication. I've never heard anyone getting a fundoplication because of emet, but I think it would complicate the phobia and not cure anything. I mention the procedure in one of my FAQs:


http://faq.emetophobia.net


Stories I have heard about people who have had them make me think it's not a solution for emet. Although people who've had it can never vomit, that doesn't make them immune to illnesses that can cause vomiting. I remember reading a post by a woman whose little girl had a fundoplication and when she gets stomach viruses, she retches uncontrollably for a long time but never gets any relief. I think most emets, if they had to deal with that, would come to fear it as much as or more than actual vomiting.

[nonem]

Thanks to all who replied. I wasn't sure how my post would be received, because what I asked you to do was very, very difficult, so it's great thatpeoplehave responded so positively.


I'm not just asking you to think logically about the workings of the body - that gets usnowhere because the 'emotional logic' of the phobiais so much more powerful than reason.But you all understand fear, becauseit controls your lives, andso I know you will be able to relate to my story because it is also one of fear. Just for a momentary change of scenery, a little prank on your Emet Monster, I wanted you toknow that it is possible to feel trapped and frightened half to death by the inability to v* rather than the possibility of it.


Yes Doug, the operation was a fundoplication. I don't think any reputable surgeon would ever perform the operation as a treatment for emetophobia - that would be liketrying to curesomeone's claustrophobia by demolishing their home. As you already know on a rational level, phobias are psychological con tricks we play on ourselves. They're phantoms, and just as you can't fight ghosts with swords youcan't fight this or any other phobia with a scalpel.Edited by: nonem

[angel13]

That's just...fascinating...though I really am sorry to hear you're in such a position - I had no ideaitwas possible to be like that. When Iread the first part of your post I was a bit envious, lol, as I'm sure we all were, but reading about the consequences, Ithink Iunderstand how you must be feeling.


The fact that it *could* happen what frightens us the most, though having an operation to deliberately stop us doing it would not solve anything...its something we have to conquer ourselves, while knowing all the while that it's possible. If that makes any sense. If we all went out and got fundoplications we wouldn't have won against the emet monster - we'd have given in to it. (of course, I'm not talking about people who need this operation for some reason...I just mean if it was an optional thing for people to go and get, like a lunchtime face lift! =D)


Thanks for sharing, Doug, I've never considered how it would be from that sort of perspective. We appreciate it!

[nonem]

Thanks for your comments, Angel13.I agree thatthe operation is absolutely not an appropriate way of tackling this problem.


Here's another thing I realised.At the time whenI registered in the foruma few months ago Ichose 'nonem' as a login name because I considered myselfnon-emetophobic.But when the viral outbreak that Imentioned in my first post (no details, don't get alarmed)occurred, I was away on a mini-holiday with a group offriends, and I became acutely aware of how much everyone dislikes the process and its results. Whether it's happening to them or to someone else, so-called 'normal' people still hate it and want to get away from it as quickly as possible. It's just that some people manage their disgust better than others.


So now Iactually thinkmy login nameis quite silly. There's no hard and fast line betweenemets and non-emets, there's just a spectrumof ability thatstarts with people who handle the anxiety well (and don't think aboutillnessunless they have to) and ends with people who handle the anxiety very poorly (so poorly that they think about it even when they don't need to).Also, aperson's position in that spectrumcan and will change over time - for better or for worse -depending on what situations they're exposed to.


Maybe ifpeople herecould realise that everyone is emetophobic at heart, and that some people are just better at hiding it than others, it wouldn't feel quite so lonely.

[kellybean]

Wow Doug, thanks for posting your story. I'm sorry about the way you feel though. I just have a question, how did you feel when the doctor told you that you would never be able to v* again?

[crystalmom]

Doug....very powerful words. I do agree with everything you have said, and I've sais it before, v*ing can be a GOOD thing. If one were to eat 'bad' chicken and couldn't get those little salmonella bugs out, this could turn into a worse medical problem. Sometimes v*ing is a good thing. But the fear we have of it goes beyond all logic and reason.


You are so right that most people are emets at heart. Noone wants to be there while someone else is v*ing, even when my child is v*ing, I don't want to be there, but i have to, b/c I am a mother and that is what we do.


So many people HATE to v*, but they are able to handle the situation. I don't like elevators, but I can handle the situation.I guess that is what we need to consider.


Thank you so much for your post and your insight.


Crystal

[nonem]

I just have a question, how did you feel when the doctor told you that you would never be able to v* again?

He never did tell me, I had to discover it for myself. I was told that some things would be more difficult after the op but that they'd settle down with time, and I believed what I was told.


It's now about 7 years since I had the op and in all that time I never got really ill. It was just over a month ago I found out (the hard way) that I was stuck like this. If I'd known in advance, it mightn't have been quite so scary at the time.

[nonem]

You are so right that most people are emets at heart ...So many people HATE to v*, but they are able to handle the situation. I don't like elevators, but I can handle the situation.I guess that is what we need to consider.

Yes, exactly. Another consequence of realising that "everyone's an emet" is that it dispels the illusion of "finding a cure". Phobias are all about illusions, and one of them is the belief that there's aninstant cure out there, if only you can find it. But rather than seeing the population as divided into tiny group of 'emets' and an ocean of 'normals', ifinstead you see a spectrum of people ranging from 'low-functioning emets' to 'high-functioning emets' then you realize that there can't be a magic cure, any more than therecan bean instantcure for being a bad driver or a bad tennis player. You just get to be better bit by bit, so gradually that youmay noteven notice it, by instructionand practice. Of course you have ups and downs, good days and bad days, but over a long period of time you're getting better. With phobias, certain techniques (EMDR, hypnotism, exposure therapy, medication, etc.) help youimprove more quickly, butnone of them is amagic fixin its own right. That's why it's so important to give credit for the little victories, because in the end theyadd up toyour "cure".


Some people will probably think it presumptious of me to say these kind of things in this forum because I have never suffered from severe emetophobia. That's true, but at one stage in my life I did have acute agoraphobia with panic attacks.Agoraphobia isnot just a fear ofopen spaces, it's a fear of everything. It's themost non-specific of the phobias, and at root all phobias are one and the same anyway. It's not a problem for me any more (I'm ahigh-functioning agoraphobic, lol) but I will never forget what it feels like to have your life hijacked by terror.

[crystalmom]

I was also agrophobic from the panic attacks, which all lead back to the emet. You are not being pretentious, if anything you have shed new light to this all. I want to personally thank you for all of your thoughts, and for your time, trying to get through to even one of us.


Although I think I can say most of us totally agree with your rationale, however, as you know, during a panic attack, all reason flys out the door, and you cannot think of anything BUT the panic attacks.


Again, please do not hesitate to share with all of us.


Crystal[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[valleymist]

You can't even know how happy I am that I found this thread. I didn't see
it before, and I stumbled upon it by chance. It really calmed me down as I
was suffering from anxiety just a few minutes ago.

It is a fresh new perspective that I'm sure a lot of us welcome. At first I
did think that this post was just going to be some person saying how they
didn't mind it at all and that it wasn't a big deal, but it wasn't. I really
appreciate the fact that you actually took the time to come here and tell
us your experience that you now suffer from and help us to understand
this fear we live with in a different way.

I especially was able to relate to the part where you said, and I quote;
"..but I will never forget what it feels like to have your life hijacked by
terror." I don't think there is a better way to describe this fear, it truly
does feel like my life has been hijacked by terror. The fact that you were
able to put my mind at peace for however long it will last, means so
much. I feel so much better now - until the next anxiety attack lol. Maybe
I'll just have to read this over again and again. Again, thank you so much
Doug!

[ontariogirl]

Thanks

[nonem]

"Although I think I can say most of us totally agree with your rationale, however, as you know, during a panic attack, all reason flys out the door, and you cannot think of anything BUT the panic attacks"

I know, they're all-consuming. I'd go even further than you. I'd say you can't think at all during a panic attack because nearly all of your energy goes into feeling.Edited by: nonem

[nonem]

I don't think there is a better way to describe this fear, it truly
does feel like my life has been hijacked by terror. The fact that you were
able to put my mind at peace for however long it will last, means so
much. I feel so much better now - until the next anxiety attack lol. Maybe
I'll just have to read this over again and again. Again, thank you so much
Doug!

Printing out stuff thathits the right spotfor you and keeping it in a particular place makes a lot of sense. That's whatIused todo. Otherwise, when you need it most, it usually takes too long to find (or - worse - it's gone completely).


It's ironic that it's so easy to describe the feeling from within the phobia. It would be far more useful if I could remember and describe exactly how it went away. I'll keepworking on it.