THE JOY OF LIVING AGAIN

[lauracwaldron]

My sister and I have lived for many years with schizophrenia and bipolar disease. My father is very ignorant on the subjects and I quote him "yes I am and I don't need to know about them." I have lived in the world of pain and darkness for 16 years, my sister, for most of her 45 years.Because he doesn't understand these illnesses he has hurt both my sister and I very badly mentally. However, we both have recently been put on medication that has brought us back to the land of the living and the land of laughter and love. How can I get my father to understand that it is imperative he understands what my sister and I went through all those years and has made us who we are today? Please help.Edited by: lauracwaldron

[tcsarah]

Hi Laura. It sounds to me like your father is a little frightened, so is shutting himself offfrom it all. When people don't understand something (and there are a lot of people out there who don't understand mental health issues)it can be quite scary. Maybe he blames himself for some reason for both yourself and your sister becoming ill, I don't know. Have you and your sister tried as a united front to sit him down and talk to him, maybe it needs the both of you together. If he won't listen, could you perhaps write all your feelingsdown in a letter and give it him to read.


I wonder if there are any schizophrenia and bipolar disease websites out there that have a similar thing to this website, in having a page which you can print off and give to your family, friends, doctor or whoever, to explain how the illness effects you and howthey can best support you. The page on this website is here http://www.emetophobia.org/forum/for...sp?TID=1925&am p;PN=1


I'm so pleased both you and your sister are feeling better again after finding the right medication, may you continue to stay well and happy. I hope you manage to make your father listen and understand at least a little of how these illnesses have effected your lives. Please stick around and let us know how you get on. Good luck!


Tracey

[lauracwaldron]

Tracey,


I appreciate you taking the time to read my message and reply to it. The idea of seeking information on the subject from any source to give to my father would be fruitless. He would have nothing to do with it. I have tried many times in the past to share information on the subjects of bipolar depression and schizpohrania with him and he will have no part of it.[img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img] My sister and I have tried to talk with him until we are blue in the face but his deep unconcern outweighs any desire to learn anything on either topic.[img]smileys/smilies_08.gif[/img] He believes we are simply weak people and can't deal with lifes trials and tirbulations. How wrong he is. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my entry.


Laura[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[tcsarah]

I'm sorry your father is like this, it must be so tough for you and your sister to cope with. I have come across the same attitudes from some peoplewhen I have been ill with depression, with hurtful and unhelpfulcomments from them like, "Come on, you need to pull yourself together" - someone with depression can no more 'pull themselves together' than a person with a broken leg can just ordertheir bones to be ok again.


What I would suggest, Laura,is going to a website such as this: http://www.schizophrenia.com/ and put your above post on theirdiscussion board. This website also has an area to discuss things http://www.rethink.org/under the 'Bullitin Board' link. There may be people there who have been through the same difficulties with family members you and your sister are going through so could better advise.


I'm sorry I haven't been much help[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img], I don't really know what else to suggest. I wish you all the very best, and hope your father comes to his senses soon and starts to open up about things and listen to his daughters. Please let us know how you get on.


Tracey x

[lauracwaldron]

Tracy x,


Thank you for responding and taking the time to read my entry. I will visit the web sites you recommended. I would send my initial entry. However, I don't know how to do that. I tried e-mailing it to my sister and she did not receive it. Yes, my father needs help as much as I do but he doesn't believe it. He believes he is perfect in every way. Honestly! [img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img]I will keep you all posted on my new life. So far it has been just wonderful not living in "hell". The world of darkness and complete loneliness. I now have many friends and can remember things like names, etc. that I couldn't before. What a totally different life.[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]


Take care. Until next time.

[tcsarah]

I'm so very pleased for you that you are now enjoying life, you sound like a lovely person who deserves a life fullof happiness [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


To email your post or put it on another discussion board, take the mouse pointer to the beginning of your post then highlight the words by holding the left mouse button down and moving it to the end. Then let go and right click the mouse to bring up a box, where you should left click on 'copy'. To email to your sister just open your email programme (Outlook Express, whatever) and create new mail and in the email body just right click and select 'paste' from the box that appears. Your post will the be displayed in the email. Same with putting it anywhere else such as on another site - just go to make a new post (like you did here) and right click and 'paste' in the message box.


Any problems with posting let me know and I'll try and help further!


Tracey x

[lauracwaldron]

[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]Tracy x, Thank you so much for that insightful bit of help. It was so kind of you to take the time to let me know how to e-mailthis information to my sister (and other sites as well). Thank you for you complements also, you also sound as if you are a joyful and pleasant person to be in the company of.[img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img] Take care and if there is anything I might be able to be of help to you in the future with, please don't hesitate to ask. Until next time.


Laura

[lauracwaldron]

[img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]NOT SURE WHAT ELSE TO SAY, MAYBE I DID SOMETHING WRONG WHEN I SENT TRACY X HER REPLY. LAURA

[tcsarah]

No problem, Laura and thanks for the compliments also! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]


Regards your last post:


"NOT SURE WHAT ELSE TO SAY, MAYBE I DID SOMETHING WRONG WHEN I SENT TRACY X HER REPLY "


I'm a bit confused - why did you think something was wrong? If you are still having problems posting or anything please don't hestitate to ask.


Tracey

[lauracwaldron]

TRACY, JUST OUT OF COURIOSITY, WHERE IN THE U.K. ARE YOU. I WAS IN THE NAVY AND WAS IN NOLTEN HAVEN, WALES, SOUTHERN COAST. BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY. I WOULD LOVE TO GO BACK SOME DAY. EVEN LIVE THERE AGAIN.


BEST REGARDS, LAURA

[tcsarah]

I'm smack bang in the middle of England - a county called Derbyshire. We sure have some beautiful countryside here, it would be perfect ifwe were on the coast as I love being near the sea, but we are about as far from the sea as you can get in little old England! Wales is beautiful, althoughI've only been to North Wales up to yet.


Whereabouts in US are you?


Tracey

[lauracwaldron]

GULF SIDE OF FLORIDA IN A VERY SMALL, BORING TOWN CALLED BROOKSVILLE. HOWEVER, IT IS AN HOURS DRIVE EITHER WAY TO TAMPA AND ORLANDO. IT IS ALRIGHT HERE, BUT MUCH TOO HOT FOR MY TEMPERMENT. I MUCH PREFER THE WEATHER IN THE U.K. OVER FLORIDA. WISH I WERE THERE. REGARDS TO THE BRITS AND ENGLISH. AND OF COURSE THE WELSH. LAURA

[tcsarah]

Oh I can't stand hot weather at all, infactit gets way too hot in the summer here for me, although thereally sunnydays aren't a very common occurence! Iam actually allergic to the sun and have to take antihstamines all year round so I can go outside and not come out in horrible painful, itchy rashes. The winter sun even effects meor if it catches me through a window. The doctor once said I must never go on holiday anywhere really hot as it might kill me! It's a good job I was born in a cool country, although Scotland would've been better!!!


Tracey

[lauracwaldron]

GOOD! THEN THAT LEAVES NO QUESTION WHOM SHAL VISIT WHOM!!!!! I AM SORRY ABOUT YOUR CONDITION THOUGH. OH!, SCOTLAND, THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LAND IN THE WORLD I AM CONVINCED. DON'T EVER COME TO FLORIDA, IT WILL KILL YOU!!!! TA TA FOR NOW...


LAURA

[sage]

Hi Laura,


I read your initial post this morning. So sorry you've been through all this. My psychotherapy training was done through the Living Systems Centre in Vancouver, BC, Canada. It is based on Living Systems Theory or "Family Systems Theory" which comes out of the Bowen Centre for the study of the family in Georgetown, there in the USA. My point in all this is that the initial research on family systems was done on schizophrenia and is equally applicable with bipolar psychosis. The idea is that these diseases have no one singular cause, but are more a result of systemic factors, much like "a perfect storm" (you Floridians know all about those) needs like 5 factors to come together in the making. Although genetics is a piece of it, no single gene has ever been found that definitively "causes" schizophrenia. Identical twins only both get schizophrenia 50% of the time, for instance, and they have exactly the same DNA. The disease is a combination of several things, and family emotional process is one of them. Your father is indeed a contributor to the whole thing, but also not the "cause" and therefore not to "blame". As an adult, you, too, contribute in special ways to your ongoing mental health.


I guess what I'm saying is that what you describe about your father is quite typical of schizophrenic "parents". You don't mention your mother at all, but if the theory holds true she is or was very "close" to you two girls, always fretting and worrying about you while your father distanced. (Let me know if this is way off, cuz I'm always interested in ongoing research.)


I mention all this theory because the good news is that what will help you most in life is to STOP focusing on your father and his behavior. You cannot change him. YOu can't even move him an inch. So as long as you are anxious about doing that, "trying to get him to see", you will keep in the same emotional family feedback loop and nothing will move forward.


The best thing you can do is to concentrate on YOURSELF and your own health and healing. DO NOT CUTOFF FROM YOUR DAD, HOWEVER. This will make you much worse. Keep the conversation light and friendly, and if possible, not too serious (about your condition). This will bring you incredible healing, although it will take a long time.


The important thing to remember is that there is no possible way you can "educate" your father. He is systemically invested in his "ignorance". Believe it or not, "reverse psychology" works best in schizophrenic families. Tell your dad NOTHING (about anything), and make a joke of it.


Oh ya - and stay on your medication...forever, ok? It's life-saving. You will find that you can cope better and better the more years you take it consistently.


Good luck!

[lauracwaldron]

SAGE, THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR RESPONSE. IT IS THE MOST INFORMATIVE INFORMATION ON THE TOPIC I HAVE EVER READ OR RECEIVED IN ANY MANNER. IN FACT, I WAS PLANNING NEXT WEEK TO FOREVER ESTRANGE MYSELF FROM MY PARENTS BECAUSE OF THE CONTINUAL DAMAGE THEY DO TO MY MENTAL HEALTH. YOUR INSIGHT MAY HAVE CHANGED MY MIND. I LOVE AND NEED THEM. I ONLY REACHED THAT CONCLUSION AFTER "COMING BACK TO LIFE" LAST MONTH AND I COULD'NT DEAL WITH THEM CONSTANTLY IN MY BUSINESS UNTIL I REALIZED THEY HAD TO BE FOR THE PAST 16 YEARS OR ELSE I WOULD HAVE NEVER SURVIVED TO TELL THIS STORY. GOD BLESS THEM. I HAVEN'T MENTIONED MY MOTHER BECAUSE SHE IS SO VERY OVERLY PROTECTED BY MY FATHER. BUT SHE IS NOT WELL EITHER. SHE SUFFERS FROM DEPRESSION. PROBABLE BIPOLAR AS WELL. IF IT WERE NOT FOR MY FATHER, SHE WOULD NEVER HAVE SURVIVED HER LIFE!... THANK YOU AGAIN FOR YOUR RESPONSE. YOU SOUND AS IF YOU ARE A DOCTOR.

[sage]

Well, I'm a therapist now, but not a doctor. Nevertheless, I've done a lot of reading and secondary research on schizophrenia. Suffice it to say that if you "cutoff" from your parents you will never heal. HONESTLY.


HOWEVER, in the same breath, you must be equally concerned with getting too close to them. Try to stay in calm contact with them WITHOUT getting enmeshed in their world, their issues, their feelings. Easier said than done, but that's the goal of someone who wants to live as normal a life as possible with schizophrenia.


As long as the anxiety in your family stays low (meaning, nothing sort of traumatic happens) then you'll do well. If the anxiety goes up (even a grandparent dying will do this...or other external factors) then get thee to a psychiatrist, preferably one who does psychotherapy...so you can talk with someone outside the family who will "absorb" some of that anxiety for you.


All the best!