I need support

[worriedwendy]

I will try to be brief, but I am new to this and flabbergasted that their are others like me and have the same exact reactions like I have since I was 5 years old. I am 33 years old and suffered miserably from this phobia with no real reason that I can remember where it came from. I just remember the bad feelings from age 5 on. I personally haven't V* since I was 5 and I don't know if you can relate but I have to knock on wood when ever I say that so I won't jinx myself. I am a little OCD as well, mostly with this phobia, like handwashing, hand santizer and so on and so forth. Believe it or not, I have been married 10 years to a man who I have never seen get sick and Ihave had three pregnancies and 3 c-sections with out getting sick, although I was scared to death. And I have three beautiful children that hardly have been sick. Knock on wood. My kids tell me there tummy hurts everyother day it seems and 9.99 times they never get sick but I spend that time keeping busy and asking them a million times if it is better yet, ugh I hate that feeling. I too, worry about the stomach virus coming around during the winter, yet my kids have never gotten sick during that time, it has been late spring for them and they have been around other kids during the fall that were sick and they didn't get sick. Of course I get so mad at other moms when they allow their sick kids to come over the day after without telling me until the kid tells me he was sick the day before. So I now I ask my friends if they have been healthy recently and use the excuse that my kids have asthma and easily catch bronchitis. Anyway, I could go on and on about my issues. But here is my newest problem that I am having a hard time dealing with. My husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer last week. He had surgery last Fri and I couldn't barely be in the recovery room because their was 6 other recovering patients all with emesis basins next to them including my husband, the walls were caving in on me, I thought I was going to die. Fortunately my father in law went in to be with him, I hate that this phobia pushes us away from our loved ones during these times. My husband never got sick but now we found out the biopsy results and he has a rare testicular cancer that will need (95% chance) chemotherapy. And we all know that chemo causes violent n* and V*, I don't know how I am going to handle this and be his caretaker. Can anyone relate and do they know of anyone who hasn't gotten sick from chemo, I need an encouraging story because I can't hear the worst, it freaks me out. I usually can find a way out and this I feel trapped in especially since I have never seen my husband get sick. I am shaking even writing about it. Fortunately, he will survive this and testicular cancer is the most curable cancer, it is just the road ahead with treatment sounds horrible and not only am I worried about me seeing it and taking care of him but the kids experiencing it and God forbid them getting emetophobic from me or seeing their dad so ill. By the way, I homeschool my kids for many reasons but the top being to avoid illnesses. Anyway, that is it in a nutshell. Thanks

[shiva]

First I just want to say that I am really sorry about your husband, and I am glad that he's going to be okay.


I cannot imagine how you must feel or how it must have felt being in that recovery room. Try not to be so hard on yourself, though. You have had this phobia for a long time and if it was that easy to get rid of I am sure you would have by now.


Otherwise, Ihave no idea what to suggest about your husband. Can you get home health care?

[Galadriel]

Wendy, I am so sorry your husband has cancer, and that you are struggling with fear of V* with him going through chemo most likely. That is a really tough one. I know Sage I believe had cancer (correct me if I am wrong!) and she went through chemo, she would be able to give you more info and help. I can very much understand you being afraid and scared about this. Does your husband know about your emet?I really hope and pray things work out here. This is a really tough situacion. Chemo doesn't necessarily cause v*ing, Sage I believe only was sick once from it, and from the sounds of it your husband has a strong stomach, so he may not be affected as badly or at all by v*ing. They have meds that can help too with the nausea and such I believe. I will be thinking of you.

[samara's on tv]

Welcome to the board. I'm sorry to hear about your husband, and it must have been SO hard to see him in the recovery room. I know that if I ever got cancer I would probably just let myself die from it, I don't think I could handle chemo. I don't really have any advice for you. All I know is that for some time I lived with a bulemic, at first it bothered me but after a while I would hear her getting S* and I would just shrug it off. Maybe over exposure is what you need, it sort of worked for me...but that's bad advice don't take it. I still fear myself being S* more then ever, I've just gotten used to seeing/hearing other people. Hang in there!


~Monica

[sheri-baby]

Hi Wendy, welcome.....I was thinking if it we're my hubby I would put all my fears aside and focus on being there for him and supporting him as much as I could......imagining what he is going through, I would feel so selfish worrying about my self.....just think if he does vomit, which he probably will...at least it won't be contagious...that's my worries....and it's not like you have to be in the same room as him if he does get sick, right?.....I've heard they have some pretty good anti-emetics for chemo patients out there....so there is a little hope for you and him.....my best wishes to you and your husband...i'd also like to add that we have a little in common....i'm 36 and have not vomited since I was 5 also.....amazing isn't it.....I have 2 kids 8 and 5...they have had a few sv's that I was able to dodge....not my hubby or MIL though.....anyways you take care[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[sheri-baby]

one more thought...i also would like to say that I would be feeling exactly like you probably...although I have not been faced with your situation......but I do hope that you can think about what I said and try to put this horrible phobia on the back burner.

[worriedwendy]

THank you all for your kind words, at this point I feel angry that I even have this phobia and that it runs so much of who I am. I will focus on my husband on caretaking for him and have often thought over exposure may help but it freaks me out to think of it and the movie that plays in my head imagining it. My hardest times are in the middle of the night, always afraid that one of my kids will wake me up telling me their tummy hurts, I hate the silence of the night and feeling all alone in those situations. My boys are 8 and 5 as well Sheri, and I have a daughter who is 2. I love homeschooling the boys and enjoy not worrying about them at school. I am fortunate enough to be a stay home mom. When Jake was in Kindergarten, I worried every day the school nurse would call and she never did, I worry 99 % of the time for nothing. You are right also Sheri, I do not worry about it as much if someone is not contagious. I remember Jake when he was 3, woke up sick and actuallyV* in the toleit on his own, I was so freaked about the germs, so Shane wouldn't get sick. Only later to find out that he had appendicitis and had his appendix removed, would you believe I was actually relieved that it was his appendix and not SV? I then didn't have to worry about the rest of us getting it. Mainly because he was so sick and was continueing to V* all day so it freaked me out that we would get that sick. He was fine once they removed it, but all I could think of, of course me an emetophobe and I have a child with appendicitis. Anyway, Once I saw him get sick that day, it wasn't so bad the rest of the times. Well, we have an apt. with the oncologist next week so I will post a update. I decided not sharing my fears with anyone else about his chemo because I did last night at the boys soccer practice and everyone is like " yah, he is going to be violently ill, brace your self " It scares me even more, but if I calm myself down and remind myself that it will be over quickly and he will be cancer free for life.

[kel12347]

Welcome to the site, Wendy. I know that there are varying levels of chemotherapy, and each level has a different possibility of n* and v*. They will administer anti-emetics, I'm sure, but I can't guarantee whether they will work. One other suggestion I have is hypnosis. I'm working with a hypotherapist right now, in conjunction with my CBT therapist, and he's told me that hypnosis can work for n* and v* associated with chemotherapy. Again, it's probably not 100% fool-proof, but it might help. And self-hypnosis is extremely relaxing, which may help decrease your hubby's stress levels. Good luck to you.


Sage, I know you've been through this. Any advice?

[worriedwendy]

I would love to see a therapist to help me, but I don't have time right now and would have to find a babysitter not only for all these apt. with my husband but then to treat me also, I just feel so selfish. I went online searching through files of different patients having Testicular Cancer and them going through Chemo and or radiation. Know one said they were violently ill and actually I found more of them sick with the radiation then the Chemo. He has a CT scan next week which I am nervous for because he hates drinking stuff that takes like med. and he has to drink a lot of that Barium stuff and he will probably gag. I keep playing the movie in my head of imagining him getting sick after treatment in the car or somewhere that I can't escape. I know I will get through it, I just wished I had worked harder to cure myself before something like this happened. You know when you are younger you think you will grow out of it, I remember someone telling me that its not as bad taking care of your own kids. that is wrong because to me, since they look like me, it makes me imagine myself getting sick and because they are my flesh and blood, it reminds me that they are not immune to getting sick just like I am not. After it has been over 27 years since I last got sick (knock on wood) you sometimes feel that it wouldn't happen to you but I know it can and seeing my kids get sick reminds me that I am not immune to it.


I have noticed so many people on here afraid to have kids and probably won't have kids because of it and what helps me ( because I wanted Kids so much ) is that whether it is my kids or someone else the fact is that we are all exposed to V* at any time and why waste your life not having the fun you want to have. Over the last 8 years of having my 3 kids I can only think of them getting sick 4 times and yes there is the anxiety of them getting sick at any time, but I try not to worry and now that I have seen them each get sick, it is not the unknown anymore like it is with my husband. The joys of having kids and people close around you far outweighour moments of phobias. So I guess I need to tell myself this with my husband. It has been helpful for me to read and post here so I am not alone. Thank you.

[SimplyMe]

Hi, Wendy, everyone has given great advice and I don't have anything much to add, just that I'm sorry to hear of your husbands illness. Thank God it is curable. I think you will handle it and do what needs to be done. There are many times I think we, as emets and somewhat high strung people, get intot he "i can't handle this mode" but in reality you are stronger than you give yourself credit for and will find the strength to do what is necessary, at the very least the strength to ask for help which is sometimes all we can do. Please keep us updated!

[sage]

Hi Wendy,


Just found this thread - sorry. First of all, I am very sorry your husband has to go through this. It's frightening, and will be a long ordeal for him in a number of ways. The good news is that testicular cancer is not really one of the dangerous ones - the cure rate is extremely high, even if it has spread.


Chemo is not as bad as the movies, etc. make it out to be. Most people I know who go through it are ok, and don't even get sick. However, this will be a worry for you, and my words of "most people...." won't be all that comforting.


I'm surprised by your comment "I don't have time to go to therapy", etc. No time??? Honey - if time's your only issue I'd suggest you get yourself to a therapist asap. He or she will be a life-saver through this whole ordeal, for both you AND your husband. Check out my HOW TO GET PROFESSIONAL HELP sticky post on the Treatments thread. It will be WELL WORTH the time, AND the hassle with sitters, etc.


It is not "selfish". It will help your husband, too - and your children. Think of it that way.


Good luck!

[kel12347]

As an aside, I had to drink the barium stuff and never gagged or got sick from it. I did feel a little n*, but it turned out I was just VERY gassy. I burped for several hours. The barium wasn't all that bad. Now the digestive study, where they make you eat an egg salad sandwich with radioactive isotopes, that one sucked. I gagged the whole time, just 'cause I HATE egg salad!