Making People Understand/Can you relate?

[ceinstein]

Hey. Let me know if you can relate to this, and offer advice: I tell people about my fear and they say they hate throwing up too. But i insist it's not to the degree that i do. That's fair, they say, once i share short stories about things i do/have done to avoid V, like leaving the house for days on end when someone in my family has the stomach flu. So they nod and ask me questions like 'what will you do when you get pregant?' or 'how will you help your sick kids when you have them?'(do people ask you that too?)and i say 'no idea but i hear there are remedies like pulsing bracelets, etc, and good husbands...' So they are fairly ok with my fear, and my family, who i live with, has been around me for 25 years and are used to this.


HOWEVER.....everything changes as soon as someone gets sick in my household. all the sympathy for my fear goes out the window. they get ANGRY at my for being 'cold' and 'unsympathetic' and 'selfish.' All these words are used in conjunction with my behavior at this time. And the thing is i completely understand where they are coming from, especially because i hate V so much! Believe me, no one can feel more SYMPATHETIC to their condition than me!!!! I wouldnt want someone to avoid me 'like the plague' either. BUT i also feel like i warned them about this and i will NOT compromise my behavior. I can't. isn't that the nature of this beast? it is PARALYZING! Even if i WANTED to help them, I can't because I am so afraid.


Everything is fine once it's all over. But i don't know how to make them understand me better than i have. DOes this kind of situation ring true for anyone else?


One more thing. I have a boyfriend of two years who once told me it scares him to think of being with someone long-term (a wife) who is terrified to take care of a sick husband or kids, ESP if something serious camealong (ie-cancer.) he says that because he cannot understand WHY this is so terrifying, he cannot feel sympathy for me. DO ANY OF US UNDERSTAND WHY WE ARE LIKE THIS? i don't, i'd love to know because then maybei can fix it. but NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING makes me angrier than someone telling me to "just get over it."


any thoughts?

[s0ccer_princess]

I feel the exact same way- everyone, when you try to tell them about this says: "Oh well nobody likes being sick". The difference with us is that we are mortally afraid of being sick and will go out of our way to prevent it.

While many non-emetophobics don't actually enjoy sickness, most of them answer when asked what the worst part is: "The nausea, and once I'm sick I'm fine." This tends to be completely the opposite as how we react, where continued nausea is a relief compared to being sick!

Because I'm only young myself, I can't really comtemplate seriously the idea of kids at the moment, but I know that in the future it could be a minor problem. For now, if anyone is sick/claims to feel sick/claims they have been sick recently (i.e. past few days) I avoid them. The reason people believe that this is cold of us is because they don't understand the phobia. People don't understand when I insist on having my meat very well done, or refuse to eat food which is undercooked. My family claim I'm being deliberately picky to get attention.

I would like children in the future, and I'd like to meet someone supportive, but I don't want my emet to take over my life. Few people know about what I have, and most of those who do know just view it as "a disliking for getting ill". I want to be normal, I don't want to be seen as this person with a problem and I don't want it to become everyone elses problem too. This problem will affect me if I choose to let it affect me. No amounts of shouting: "You're just being stupid now, of course the food is cooked enough" will help.

Rest assured, we all feel how you do all of the time and you might find if you choose to have kids that you will gradually get better as you encounter more experiences with bugs etc and you come out fine. Good luck! We're all here for you

[sillygirl]

I think we have all gone thoruhg this to a certain degree. Some of us have more support than others, but we all have times when people just don't understand. My husband is really supportive, but when he is sick and I am ask him every 3 minutes if he feels any better he gets pretty angry. Even though he normally is very understanding, when he doesn't feel good he just gets frustrated. We have to be patient with them sometimes just like they are patient with us.


My mom used to always tell me to just forget about it. I hated when she said that! How do you just forget about it?! I don't think anyone can completely understand who doesn't suffer with it. My husband, at first, worried about us having kids and stuff too, but he was reassured when I finally agreed to get some professional help. He felt better knowing that I wanted to get better and that I was trying.


Don't feel like you are alone on this one!

[bexcelica]

yes, i always get "why dont you think about how they are feeling for a chnage?"

[Galadriel]

I agree its tough when the support isn't there. I think most of us have been there at one time or another, or many times! It really is rotten when people will sometimes go out of their way to make your fears worse. My family is not very understanding at all, well most aren't but some are like my mom, and aunt, and husband thank God is VERY supportive and helpful. The bad thing was mom used to not even care, then when she did care, I was being raised by Dad and she was out of the picture, and Dad really could care less! So yea it is hurtful, I mean I think people should at the very least acknowledge that you have an issue with this, and to not make you the butt of jokes and such. I've learned you can't make people understand and you can't make them care or even try to conjure up some resemblance of compassion if they don't want to. The thing is even with support, you still feel alone. I hate that, its like even though William is very supportive, when it comes down to it he can't magically make the nausea stop or anything. Its still kinda an individual thing, tho having a person there who cares can help you deal with it.

[samara's on tv]

I totally know how you feel! My mom keeps telling me that I need to stop worrying so much! And my best friend keeps telling me, "If It happens then it happens then what are you going to do?" I have other friends who tend to think that if I actually V* Myself then I'll get over the fear and that doesn't help me AT ALL. Telling someone to cure Emet by V*ing is like telling a person who is afraid of planes to get in a plane crash. I freakin HATE IT! My parents have Absolutely NO idea how far this thing stems into my brain. I just found out that I have to go to an Eating Disorder clinic because of it. Maybe once I tell them that, they'll understand how bad it is!


~Monica

[Babydoll]

they don't need to totallyunderstand our phobia. Unless they have experienced it, I doubt they will ever " get" what we go though, because they are thinking rationally, and we are not.


while most people will never truely understand the phobia to our extent, that doesnt mean they cannot respect the way we feel, and accept that. I feel that is where the loss of communication is.