in desperate need of help.....

[beachball]

Hi my names Daniel, 19 years old, and, well i'll just get right to the point.

About a year ago now i had a terrible (and thats an understatement, to me it felt like dying) night suffering from food poisoning (or what i think was food poisoning) I had gone to bed at about 10pm (very early for me) since i had a stomach ache and thought ill just sleep it off, I awoke at around 1am feeling not too crash hot, so i went to sit on the toilet, thinking i just needed to go, 15minutes later still on the toilet i was getting very nautious, so i went to get a bucket and lay in bed sitting up. I never made it back to bed, and started vomiting into the bucket, luckily i made it back into the bathroom, it was so bad i could hardly breathe, when i finally got my breath back i called my mum, yelling and banging on her door, and went back to vomiting. After a few heaves it stopped thank god so i sat outside on my balcony, freezing, in winter, with another empty bucket. From then onwards i was vomiting every 30mins to an hour. It was awful, i cried and just wanted it to stop. At one point i managed to get an hour or so sleep, woke up, had a glass of water, and vomited again, and again.... and again... by this time it was bright bile, which freaked me out even more, so off we went to get an injection as the maxilon i had tried during the night only came back up. So that stopped it and i could get some sleep, i woke up and vomited again and that was the last time thank god. I didnt eat for about 5 days after that, just drinking watered down lemonade in small ammounts every 15mins to avoid dehydration.

Anyway i guess you don't need to hear my life story or anything but it kinda helps to write (or type even) it down, even if im feeling incredibly nautious just recalling all of this. So, now a year later, I've tried everything, Everytime i eat i feel a little nautious and very anxious, at first i thought it might be IBS, so i went to a gastroenterologist and had an endoscopy & colonoscopy, both of which came back perfectly fine, so i was advised to try a dietry fibre suppliment, Benefibre, which i now take 3 teaspoons of every morning and evening before eating breakfast and dinner, and after eating i take DeGas (simethicone 100mg) i honestly dont know if that has helped atall, i couldnt every bring myself to not take them and see how i am. I have seen a psychiatrist and even tried EMDR with no real success. I have not eaten anything but the same foods i know havn't made me ill day in day out for the past year, i avoid car trips and as much travel as i possibly can, i have a paranoia about going to sleep before 2am, and also a paranoia about the 5 hours after i eat (as for some reason ive come to the conclusion in my mind that if i havnt been ill in five hours after eating im fine) Before i was no-where near what you would call a clean freak, but now i wash my hands all the time, and if im going to eat i cant dry my hands with a towel, i use tissues (not the first one flapping out the top, that one might have touched something) i use my shirt to open door handles to avoid touching them. When i do begin to feel ill, i cant do anything, i just sit at my computer, trying to sit it out. Theres bad days and good days and even good weeks if im lucky, but i can never get on top of it all. It's affecting my life, my relationship and my employment, i dont work and cant even bring myself to apply for jobs because that would mean leaving the house for interviews. I suffered from depression before all of this but was not medicated, untill now, i take zoloft 100mg daily, and i also have been diagnosed with ADD for many years now but have not been on medication for it since school days. I'm just so very afraid of vomiting, i would rather die than ever have to vomit again. I'm at a loss as to what to do now, i cant sit around anymore wasting my life hoping that one day ill be fine, but i dont know what to do.....

[tcsarah]

I went through a similar thing about fifteen years ago now, when I caught gastric flu. I was vomiting constantly for twelve hours solid every ten mins or so, had terrible runs, and felt so dehydrated as I couldn't evenkeep water down. My dad rang the doctors in the middle of the night as I was so bad, he thought I had food posioning (we had a takeaway for dinner a few hours before it started). It was a night from hell.


Going through something like that is bound to leave you scared about it happening again and we all have out rituals we go through to try and prevent going through the experience again. We can become very supersticious, and try all sorts of thingssaying to ourselves,"If I just do this I won't be sick."


You are really suffering at the moment, and it is effecting your daily life, I've been in the same situation in the past. How long have you been on the anti-depressants? Sometimes they take a while to get in your system so you may not feel any effects for a few months even. Finding the right anti-depressant is what has helped me the most - not only with anxiety and depression but it has lessened this damned phobia. Of course, it's worthwhile keep plugging away with therapies - if one therapy doesn't work or speaking to one psychiatrist or psychologist doesn't seem to be getting you anywhere, try seeing someone else or trying something else. Sometimes it's trial and error finding the right medications to help you through too. I took different medications for years before I came across one that really worked. Everybody is different so what works for one may not for another.


You may find coming to this group and sharing your worries and experiences with other people who go through the same things and have the same feelings, helpful. It's good to know you are not alone, and it's always good to get things off your chest. We will support you in any way we can. I know it's hard, but try not to lose heart about your life improving - I thought mine would never improve, I was utterly miserable because of anxiety and depression for most of my teens and twenties, and here I am in my thrities now and have never felt happier or more confident.


If you get chance I recommend you looking at the treatment thread http://www.emetophobia.org/forum/forum_topics.asp?FID=8 There is some excellent advice there.


Take care.


Tracey x

[beachball]

First of all, thanks for the reply, really helps knowing im not just the lone nutcase :P

as for the anti-depressants, its been about a month and a half now, at first the anxiety subsided a little and i was able to sleep freely now and then but it seems to have wained a little now, i need to go back for a repeat so maybe ill talk to the doc about upping the dose again and see how that goes and ill read thru the forums. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[tcsarah]

Hee hee - yep thisphobia makes you feel like a bit of a looney toon at times! I rememeber thinking for the first twenty or so years of my life that I was the only one in the world who had these bizarre feelings and reactions to something that is essentially a natural bodily reaction! It was so good when I discovered I wasn't the only one who felt this way.


Good idea about goingtalking to your doctor. You do have to find the right dose to suit you, and if after quite a few months on them they don't seem to help much or you just can't stand any side-effects they might give you, don't be afraid of asking your doctor if you can try a different anti-depressant.


Please keep us up-to-date with how things are going. Good luck!

[crazy_me_84]

hey Daniel, you know, you sound very similar to me. I too had severe food poisoning a few years back which set of the phobia big time. All your behaviours that you describe are exactly like mine- even the time which you cannot go to bed before. I have never heard of this before from somebody else and thought I was a loony before this! lol! I can't sleep before 1am. I'm also taking zoloft/sertraline and have been for about a month and a bit, but only 50mg. I was told to increase to 75mg, then 100mg a week after but I just couldn't take it afer one dose of 75mg because I felt very nauseous.


I know things must seem pretty hopeless now, but what keeps me going (for now), is clinging onto that tiny bit of hope that one day, I will not live in paralysing fear. I hope you can feel like this too, if not a bit more positive than I am. Hope it goes well with your doctor!


xxx

[gubba]

I suppose we all have that intense fear of V* and that is why we are here. Isn't it amazing how many of us there are? Beachball. I hope you don't think that you are crazy...we all seem to suffer the same fear and it can be awful, but know that one day hopefully we will all be better. I know that I too feel ill daily and I worry so that it is a virus or something worse, but I have had my gallbladder out and had every stomach test done and nothing could be found. This webiste has made a world of difference for me to find that I am not alone and I have a place that I can vent to and have people understand that we are not alone. It can be even more scarey thinking that you are alone in this fear and you don't need to be.

[beachball]

wow, thankyou so much for the reply's guys, its really a comfort to have people who understand. Thru all of this my girlfriend has been so supportive and understanding, even to the point where she'll stay up with me to all hours on those bad nights we all have. And its just so good to hear from other people like me.

[gubba]

I know that it is a comfort to me that my husband has actually learned to deal with me. He can tell me that I am fine and that there is nothing wrong and then he is great at calming me down if it gets real bad and then he can even redirect my thoughts and I am fine.


This is a great forum for help and support and i am so glad I found it!