I am so MAD!!!!

[jennyleigh1975]

I am so mad and upset right now. I called to check on my mother in law, and my father in law answers the phone. I asked him how my m-i-l was doing and he said she was still sick, that she had been in and out of the bathroom all morning. She was sleeping when I called. I am pissed off because she didnt tell me the truth, they try to hide it from me so I wont get upset. My f-i-l even said that she had said not to metion it to me so I wouldnt get upset. Well, I got news for them, I AM UPSET!!!!! I am more than upset, I am PISSED OFF!!!! She assured me last night when we were there that she was fine, I even let my girls spend the night down there, I am so stupid, I should have brought them home. I am so sick of being lied to and not respected in this family, especially with as much crap as I put up with. My own husband cant even respect me and this phobia. He was the one that brought a sick puking child to our home even though he knows how I am about that. I am just sick of this, I am sick of all of it!!!!!!!!!!!!

[yenn]

hey Jenny, I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time right now. I know that feeling because my stepmum who I share a house and bathroom with did the same to me when she and the kids had an sv in july and I was so mad. I guess people just don't know quite what to to. They know we get upset about people being unwell, and they think they're helping us out by keeping it from us when really we'd like to know the truth so we can avoid it or prepare ourselves for it in case it happens. People just don't understand and they're just trying to help. try not to get too down about it, much as it stinks what she did, she's only trying to protect you. Take care x

[samara's on tv]

I guess I'm lucky because whenever someone in my house is feeling sick I'm the first to know about it. My parents will always tell me if someone is feeling sick, and my sisters alert me to it too. I'm sorry that you feel like this, I know it must be hard...I wish people were more understanding to our fears. I know that when I see a spider or something I always take care of it before my sister can see it so she doesn't freak out...so in turn they always alert me about being sick.


~Monica

[sage]

One thing I learned when I was in the throws of emetophobia was that if I acted exactly the same way if they were honest or if they lied, then human nature just naturally led them to lie. "Them" was just about anyone. I know it sounds crazy, but really...humans will protect themselves or you at any cost, including lying. It's just human nature.


What I eventually learned to do was to sit the family down and ask for honesty, and then PROMISE not to freak out, but to calmly make other plans for myself or them. I also PROMISED not to continually question them, nor expect them to look after me, as though I was "sicker" than the sick person! This was hard, but I did FOLLOW THROUGH on these promises, and then I was always dealt with with honesty from that point forward.


Your family does not want to upset YOU which in turn upsets THEM. You saying that you're MORE upset if they lie, probably isn't true if you think about it. Are you being honest? (and by "you" I don't mean Jennyleigh, I mean whoever is reading this, cuz this is a very common problem for emets.)


It's something to think about, anyway.

[jennyleigh1975]

I guess I am just upset that it is happening, that people are sick in my family that I am close to and that I am scared. The fact that I was lied to about it, only makes me more upset. Even if she had told me that truth, I'd still be freaking out.

[ontariogirl]

I know what you are saying Leigh. I have been there to. My family knows about my phobia and how I react. When I was at my parents place for the night and my sister woke up and was sick, she could have lied to me and said no she didn't puke but she was honest and that is what family and friends are all about, honesty. Remember what I went through on Christmas Day? I was angry at my brother but in all reality I should have sat down with him and told him how I feel. My brother and I are not very close and I will be sitting down with him explaining this phobia to him, so next time he will think twice.
There has been so much going on with you, I don't blame you for being angry. What is up with your b-i-l? Maybe you should sit down with them and have a talk, this won't be the last time that your nephew will be sick and you know he will end up at your place!

[jennyleigh1975]

As for my nephew, I told my husband I understand not wanting to leave him at school sick, I get that, I wouldnt want my children left at school sick. I just wish that if he insists on doing this for his brother, that his brother give him a key to his house, so atleast they dont have to come to my house. I would still worry about hubby catching whatever they had, regardless of where they went.

[crystalmom]

Hey Jenny...hope everything has calmed a bit for you. I know how people in your life feel about 'hiding' sickness from you. I remember when I was 18 and the emet was really bad, and my mom called me at a friends house and told me not to come home b/c she was v*ing. I, of course, totally freaked, and HAD to go home out of fear of NOT being at home, if you know what I mean. I stayed with my mom, and whenever she went to the bathroom, I put on headphones with a relaxation tape. I never did catch that one. My soon-to-be exhusband, would say he drank too much, or had heatstroke....I KNEW he had a sv. But he lied any way. He was a jerk all around though...lol!


Hope you feel calmer soon!


Crystal

[japa]

Well, as usual, I feel like I am coming out of left field here compared to the other responses, but I don't really get the sense of a lie being perpetrated here. On Sept 2, your mil gets sick, and you know about it because you are there when it happens. She says she just felt sick right before, and that it was probably from pills.


On Sept 3, you call, and you are told that she has been in and out of the bathroom in the morning, but she'd rather you weren't told so as not to worry you. Yet your f-i-l did tell you, so in the end, you weren't lied to nor did you even have info. omitted from disclosure.


The only place in which a lie couldhave taken place is if your mil KNEW FOR SURE that she had a stomach virus on Sept 2, rather than just being sick from some other cause, yet told you anyhow that it was nothing and she was fine. It is my thought, from reading your two posts,that she believed she was just sick from pills, and thus told you that she was o.k. Then, on Sept 3 in the morning, she discovered that she was still sick, meaning she was wrong about what she told you the day before. Then, she had not wanted to worry you, so she had said not to mention it, but your fil told you anyway. This is how it sounds to me -- not that she intentionally tried to hide having a stomach virus -- but that she was mistaken about the source of her illness.


Of course, I am just reading the posts, but you know these people personally, so that gives you insight into their penchant for dishonesty that it would be impossible for me to know.