depressed.

[suzy.o]

I am so fed up, I cant talk to anyone because I dont want to, I am v depressed at the moment because my fears are still annoying me, I live with my 11 yr old son and I never tell him anything about it aoart from when Im having a panic attack and need to be alone, It wouldnt be fair to tell my son anyway. I feel so lonely and in despair that Im getting scared I'll lose my mind. I wont go to the doctors so no point in suggesting that. My daughter and I fell out today, it was my grandaughters christening and she was acting up in front of the other people calling me a cow because I said she had grey hair in a jokey way, she is only 17 so she knew it was a joke, I think she must dislike me a lot even though I never did anything wrong to her, anyway, I decided to leave the party and as I was going I nearly retched, I have done this before in panic and it really scared me, I thought I did so well to even get to the church at the moment as Im so depressed over my phobia being back and having no one to talk to. Im scared that if I retch I wont stop, that is mainly my phobia. I go for years phobic free and when I get crap in my life it comes back bad, Im going through divorce, which Im glad of, Ive not worked for about 6 weeks either so big changes, Im just so bloody lonely though. Thanks for listening, I will be ok in a few months its justtonight that I feel bad.

[yenn]

Hey. I really feel for you, I'm sorry you're having a bad time of things. Loneliness is a terrible thing and especially difficult for us because it gives so so much time to think about all the things we don't want to think about. Don't beat yourself up for your phobia being back, it's not like you chose for it to come back, and you are going through a lot of stress at the moment so it's natural that your fears and anxieties come back. A phobia is an illness, it isn't your fault it has returned. And if it has come back that means you have beaten it before, which means you just need to work out what you did then to beat it. I can understand not wanting to go to the doctor but how about phoning MIND or the samaritans? You can be anonymous, it is done over the phone so not as confrontational and scary and they'll really help.

[suzy.o]

Thanx Yenn, Im feeling better now, Its when I feel lonely that things are worse. Actually I enjoy just me and my son most of the time cos Im sort of free to do what I want but there are times when I feel isolated. If I go for any treatment I think it will be hypnotherapy, I think its reliable and does work for the ones who dont fight the idea of goinginto a trance. Thanx once again Yenn for responding to me when I needed it.

[yenn]

No problem, any time. I'm just sorry there isn't more I can say :-)