My love life

[brandon_r_edson]

Well, it just so happens to be that my love life is so much harder to deal with while suffering from this phobia.


I'm scared to go on a date to like the movies or out to dinner. I'm soooooo scared that I might have a panic attack. There are girls that I like, but I just don't think that they'd like me because of all of my issues. I don't know if they'll understand my phobia or phobias I should say. Love means everything to me and I can't keep burning, I'm losing hope and I practically think of suicide each day. Does anyone have any advise??

[siafi]

First of all - please don't harm yourself. It's not worth it to end your life over this stupid phobia. Second - as a girl, I think that it's sometimes desirable for a guy to reveal his sensitivity. Whether your sensitivity is to having panic attacks or maybejust crying in sad movies, when a guy shows more than just the macho facade, it makes him more real and can improve the relationship. However, you probably wouldn't be comfortable sharing your intimate feelings with a girl on the first date. Maybe you could take her somewhere you will feel comfortable - an outdoor picnic, watching a movie at your own house, or another placewhere you can give yourself ample breathing room and maybe an temporary escape route if you need to get through a panic attack. As you get to know her better, you will probably share more personal things about your lives, so she'll understand better if you ask to sit at the end of the row at the movie theaters or near an exit at dinner. Iknowyou can do this brandon!! Good luck and keep us posted!

[brandon_r_edson]

Thank you, I'll think about this.

[symphonicfaith]

I can honestly say that I understand where you're coming from. I'm not so concerned with things such as first dates, but worry more about things in the long run. It scares me to think about being around someone for extended periods of time who is a likely carrier of germs. Isn't it sad? I worry about spending my life with someone because they could make me sick.... I don't really want to start a family for the same reasons. These thoughts, as well as a veritable plethora of others, also make me think about suicide on a near-daily basis. I've had some close calls where I nearly ended my life, and since the thoughts have been more intense lately, I decided it was time to get some counseling. I've only had two sessions so far, but I can tell it's going to be a big help in the future. Perhaps this would be a good thing to look into. If you're worried about cost, I think there are many programs that provide help at little or no cost. Just think about the people you love, and those who love you... you owe it to them, if not yourself, to get help. I know the thoughts can be intense sometimes, but fight them with all your will. Help is out there.....





<Zachary>

[crazybeautiful]

Hey just curious..how old are you?


Please don't hurt yourself, you can get help! We all are suffering with this phobia. I'm sure you have your good days, AND the bad days. You have to stay strong!


I can understand how you feel with dating and this phobia. I too am afraid to get into a relationship, that's why I date casually (and not very often)I think 'cause I'm so scared!


And you will find the right girl who will accept you AND your phobia! No worries, I know it's hard to take that advice, but honestly it will happen.


If you need to chat...theres always the chat room, or pm any one of us and we'd be more than happy to chat.

[izzybee]

Hurting yourself is deffenatly not the answer. I'm still 15 and even though I have years ahead of me to date I have never had a boyfriend. It may be the fact that I go to an all girls school, but part of me too is saying, how will they react to emet, when would I tell them etc etc.


I dont know how old you are but you still have loads of tiem to date. Maybe try buliding up your confidence of going out, maybe with friends andthen see about getitnga girlfriend. It would be a gradual thing, but with most things to do with this phobia we have to do them gradually.

[Eternity]

Ya have it easier than a girl in your situ does- most girls are gonna be sensitive to ya situ, a lot of guys arent. Why dont ya do a easy date first- somethin outdoors like a picnic or somethin easy to escape from like playin pool or hangin out in a arcade, or jus invite her over to watch a movie.
Youre gonna be worse off if you pick somethin you feel trapped- a traditional date like cinema/ restraunt. Believe me Im talkin from years of expirience!!
Also ya haveto realise that if youre with someone you like, n your havin a good time, the chances of ya havin a panic attack about gettin ill are really minimal, trust me ya dont think about it. The chances of ya actually gettin ill are so small theyre not even worth considerin!


Im not gonna be sexist n say girls love issues.. but theres somethin there... Ive done it myself, been attracted to someone coz of a kinda.. needyness? sorry, that sounds patronising. Its just that being needed is the most incredible feeling in the world, ya shouldnt worry that someone will be scared off by 'issues'- it might turn out to be quite the opposite.

[sunshine16]

First and for most, do not put yourself in any harm, and do not kill yourself. It is not the answer.


Almost all people have a phobia of some sort or another. My mom is afraid of snakes, my grandma mice, by best friend heights, and me, well, it's obvious. The point is, everyone is different. Just because your phobia is very hard to deal with,think of how hard it would be for your family to deal with the loss of you.


I understand how it may be scary for you to go on dates because your worried that you will have anxiety, or that the girl will not like you because of you being emet or having your problems. I have been on a date and had an anxiety attack, but then I just said I was going to the bathroom,and sat there and thought, "This is stupid. Why should I let this anxiety ruin what I am enjoying tonight?" Another thing is, I can honestly say that no one, not even all of my family, knows that I am emet. My mom, grandma, and maybe 2 others know, and that is all. I plan on telling them someday, but first plan on trying to help myself.


What I suggest for you to do is to not worry, after maybe a few dates, play the question game. Ask her, favourite food, movie, book, hardest time, most life altering moment, and then slip in worst fear. Let her answer, then say to her, when its your turn to answer, say casually, "Oh, ya, I have this stupid phobia of vomiting." and say it like you don't care. Based on her reaction, you may or may not feel like sharing more. Chances are though, you will.[img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[brandon_r_edson]

I'm 16 and in high school. It's hard for me, cuz' most people at this age don't care or don't understand these intense things sometimes. It's a crazy world and I'm not confident in it or myself.

[izzybee]

It can be tough in an inviroment like high school, where every one seems mrore confident than you etc etc. I find I compare myself with others etc but its probably not a good idea.





As you said its all a confidence thing, and confidence is hard to find if your an emet but you can become more confident. But it just takes time

[2jo2]

I hope you'll take advantage of this site and come on here and chat and post and read, it helps so much and we are all here for you anytime. Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. There is a way to get past this fear, it's not worth it to hurt yourself over a phobia. I know it can be scary and feel like it's eating you alive, but there are people here who understand. You first need to love yourself before anything else can come. It's so cliche, but it's so true. If you love yourself, you'll know what kind of person you're going to look for and you'll know what you need from them in a relationship. It can be fun to go out and have a good time with girls, but for now, don't worry about finding the love of your life. Be a kid and enjoy yourself, that part of life is really too short.