Emotional pain caused by my phobia

[sarahg]

Hiya


Just feel I need to open up to you guys. I feel like I am stuck in a locked room and cannot get out, want to scream but no one cares.


The one thing which causes me the most pain is that because of my phobia I didnt get to talk to my Nan before she died. She had been ill with various chest infections for some weeks and my Grandad and Mum said I should keep away.... knowing how I get if I am near someone who is ill.


She was eventually rushed into hospital and lay unconsious for a week before she passed away. She had an operation and we all sat in the hospital waiting for her to pull through .... and for a day she was fully consious and able to talk to visitors- but I had gone down with flu and was kept away.


I regret not getting to talk to her properly before she died and it still haunts me going on 3 years later. I did sit by her bedside and talk to her and I am sure she could understand but she could not reply. My phobia had kept me away from her for so long and then illness had kept me away again.


Thank you for listening, take care.

[Jenneh]

Sarah, we care. you can moan here as much as you like. its what we're here for really.


im sorry that things were so bad for u over the time urNan died... if u had the flu, u were kept away for her good... it wasnt ur fault, at all. i didnt go to my Grandads funeral.. because of this phobia.. and i know its not quite the same... but at least u did talk to ur Gran didnt you, even if she cudnt reply, whatever u sed im sure meant a lot to her and shes kept it with her now.


try not to feel guilty tho. it hard enough dealing with th phobia.. let alone the guilt that comes witjh it!


Jen xxxxxxxx

[faith-marilyn]

hey sarah, i completely feel you about the thing with your nan. my nan died 2 years ago and i couldnt visit her because of my emet and my agoraphobia. but u cant beat yourself up about it, im sure she understood and still understands now. u know im not really a religious person or anything, im sorry for sayin that if you are, but i do believe in heaven and things and i know that she knows what you are going through and wouldnt want you to feel this way about it, the important thing is that you wanted to see her and reasons beyond your control stopped that. Please dont cry for what you didnt have, but smile for what you do have!
Love and hugs,
Faith-Marilyn
xxxx

[sarahg]

Hi Jen & Faith-Marilyn, your kind words mean so much to me. Its a shame that we have all missed out on something due to our phobias. I am not really a religious person but I do believe my nan is now somewhere she is out of any pain and can watch over what we are all doing (and probably laughing at us like she always did). I suppose I just get moments like we all do when we feel down and start thinking about things we should/should not have done.


Take care to you both


Sarahxx

[ejb199]

Hey Sarah,
im pleased u think that your nan is there watching over you - i like to believe that too about my grandad. talk to here - im sure she will know how u are feeling and she wouldnt want u te be beating ur self up and feeling guilty. Its unfortunate that u got flu and cldnt visit her - but at least u were at the hospital - she will know this. She knows u think about her im sure

emms xx

[sarahg]

Hiya Emms


Thanks for your nice message, I am sure your grandad is watching over you too. I am sure she knew that I was there talking to her and she will keep me safe. I do talk to her and things seem to work out in the end. Knowing my Nan she is probably having a good old laugh at the silly things I do ... it didnt matter how bad things were she would always laugh it off ... think I will try and take that attitude, it seemed to work well for her.


Take care


Sarah xx