I dont know where im at

[ejb199]

Hey,

basically for the past 2 years now i have been living pretty much emet free. i dont really panic often - altho when i panic now if i feel nauseas, then i fell its a more 'valid' panic and worthy of extra worry since they dont occur so often! But the thing is i dont know what to do now - where to go with the whole emet issue - i know im not cured coz i still dont wanna see others be sick and i dont wanna be sick myself - -i just dont worry so much about it and take so many precautions. I have been sick twice this year - and they have been MAJOR triumphs for me and realise that actually being sick really isnt as bad as we make it out to be. the first thin i thought when id been sick was 'im still here - my life is still the same, nothing has changed' what does that mean? does it mean that really im scared of change and death...?

I have never had therapy for my emet and i never take anit emets or as many drugs as i hear you guys talking about - i know you probably think im not really as bad - i know im not know - but there really was a time 3 yrs ago - Neha/Ana where there for me then! - when i thought id rather die/lived a life of self harm/spent every waing hour worrying about when IT would next happen.

How have i got better? i want to know if ive done it on my own or if i should still consider therapy? SAGE - any ideas?

The thing that makes me think im not fully over it/i dont fully understand it is that we were watching Stand by Me - u all know where this is going! - and it got to the V* scene and i had to leave the room and call to JOn when it was over - see i just think if i was REALLY over emet then i could have sat and watched right?

And another thing i worry about is that my moods are very 'unstable'. when i get upset for example - i get REALLY upset - to the point where i just wanna harm myself again or start hitting my head. but this hardly ever happens - only when something really sets my mood of - hyper sensitive mind, i dunno.

sorry for blabbing on for ages. i feel crap asking u all for advice when i havent been around enough to give u guys any.

ems x

[terified girl]

Maybe your on your way to getting better, or maybe this is as far as it gets, you start to enjoy life again and the do the things you couldn't, but there will always be situations you can't handle or need to excuse yourself from, but maybe you will deal with them in a calm matter and move on.


That sounds like a pretty good thing to me if thats as good as it gets!

[Jenneh]

hmmm firstly i wanna say that its fantastic u were sick twice this year and it didnt cause u much panic at all!!! tht is MORE than a achievment in my eyes!!


i think you must have been very strong and had a long hard fight to get to where u are today. and its fantastic u made it alone. u shud b very proud of urself.


but, maybe ur just tired of fighting now and are on edge a lot becaue of that, causing you to be a bit... emotional?


cos emet is still with you -- just u know how to contrl it now.. but it tkes effort and energy to still overcome the times wen u wud normally panic.


i dont really know where im going with this. i think its a personal decision whether u try therapy or not. i wudnt suggest xseeing a counsellor/social worker/psychologist that only do talking therapy... cause tey're only really there to get u to control ure emet.. which uv already done. u'll need some proper exposure therapy or CBT or smthing...


well, thats just my opinion anyway!


congrats again tho [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]


Jen xxxxxxxxx