Also new to board

[luvingmomma]

This is my first time posting here, and I am also like kellygirl. I fear others being sick more than I do myself. I fear myself being sick, for fear I may make others sick. I am also currently in counseling, as my phobia of others being sick has exploded since having my second child 2 years ago. My therapist & I are currently working on gradual desensitization and it is really hard, but I know it is for a good reason. She states that you need to experience your anxieties and fears head on in order to overcome them. She said that if you avoid the feelings and fears and distract yourself from them, then you are doing yourself a great injustice. It is very difficult and has even caused my anxiety to become worse at the time. I am trying to do what she says, even though it is VERY DIFFICULT. When I have panick attacks, I fear, the worst (we all know they make you nauseous). I fear, I will make my family sick, but she said I need to think, (so what if it is, I will have to deal) She said I need to imagine it is that and deal with the feelings of anxiety and overcome them. She said you need to feel the anxiety to conquer it. Sure hope she's right, cause it sucks. I'm not sure if she is correct, but I'm trying it. I have only been in therapy for 4 weeks, so I am by no means an expert. I am determined to overcome this phobia/OCD thing for my kids and my family. I am willing to do whatever it takes to beat it. I am tired of it controlling my life and I want to control it and have my oold life back. I have always had this phobia, but not to this degree. I work at a grade school and this winter has been h*** with illnesses going around. Sick kids everywhere. I keep telling myself, I really do not have anything to fear. I know this logically, just wish I knew it subconsciously.

[harmonygirl72]

Hi and welcome!

I think we have some things in common, as I work in a grade school, too! What do you do? I am a music teacher. I also went through therapy similar to what you are describing. It does suck, but I agree with your therapist. She sounds very much like my therapist! Good luck and let me know if I can help in any way!

Mary

[centipede]

Welcome.

You found the right place.

[kellygirl]

Welcome and I feel your pain. PLEASE let me know how the therapy goes. I tried to go (two separate therapists) but they both wanted to go back in time and have me relive my entire life and all I wanted to do was deal with my phobia so eventually I got frustrated and quit going -- the second therapist did recommend that I see a physchrist for meds but I never did.

You must be a very, very strong person to work in a school being that you are more afraid of others (like myself). I too fear that if I get it I will give it to the family and then I will have to deal with my worst fear!!! I am a firm believer in avoidance (even though I know its not healthy and definately will not help with my fear).

Nice to have you....we are all here if/when you need us!!!

[dr sue]

Hi Luvingmomma (great name)

Welcome and I would like to echo what Centipede said: You found the right place.

-I really admire your determination to get better, and the fact that you're really giving therapy your best.

-Trust yourself. If you seem to be feeling worse, maybe ask your therapist if you could slow down a bit. Therapists want people to get better and so sometimes may be a bit too enthusiastic for a particular individual. And they can't see inside us - and we're all different - so it is up to us to describe how goes the struggle.

-Desensitization is an interesting process. However, it is important that you feel ready as you move from one thing to the next, up the ladder of difficulty. It is possible to be "re-traumatized" - something that may happen when whatever we're exposed to exceeds our current capacity to cope, and our mental and physical reactions begin to resemble those that likely occurred during whatver the initiating event was (even if we don't remember any details). Often it isn't the intellectual or "remembering in words or images" that counts. It is the emotional "memories" that are able to trigger powerful physical reactions such as panic attacks. These can take us back to pretty awful places or states of awareness - not exactly the forward moving "improving" road that therapy is meant to be.

-Imagine trying to ride a two wheeled bike through a tough obstacle course, full of twists and turns and nasty bumps. Pretty scarry if you've never learned to ride a two wheel bike. And if, for whatever reason, you're absolutely terrified of scraping your knees, then the whole thing can be overwhelming - impossible even.

-But then you get some lessons - how to balance on two wheels, how to use the brakes to slow down; and then if you start to tip over, how to take your feet off the peddals and put them on the ground. You learn how to stay upright - sort of - but at least: how not to skin your knees!

-Now go back to that obstacle course. Looks hard! But go slowly, really slowly. Go around the first turn, over the first bump. Feel tippy? Put on the brakes, put your feet on the ground. REALLY wobbly? Take the bike to a nice flat piece of pavement and spend some more time working on balance.

-In desensitization therapy, you could think of relaxation skill as being equivalent to "balance". If you're really having trouble calming your physical body down (racing heart, panicky thoughts, etc), then take a step back from whatever the stimulus (bump or curve) might be. Work some more on your "relaxing" skill - and it really is a skill - takes LOTS and LOTS of practice. Once you can "relax" yourself into a fairly comfortable state, even when you're "face to face" with whatever might be the "step" that you and your therapist have agreed is your next level in the desensitizing hierarchy, then and really ONLY then is it a good idea to go on to the next thing/item.

-Your therapist will probably be able to give you plenty of specifics in terms of what all goes into this relaxing "skill". AND, hopefully, he/she ought to be able to help you get some "evidence" that you are more in control of the anxiety. For example: help you learn how to focus on something or find a technique to calm your thoughts or breathing; and then, help you learn how to measure your heart rate so that you KNOW that you're in charge. When YOU are able to bring your heart rate back down to a level that is more comfortable - closer to normal, then you know how to balance. Trouble? Put your feet down and take your time. No scraped knees along the way.

-The obstacle course may look horrendous - too bumpy. But it will smooth out; and NO ONE is timing you. Not a race. Your pace - and you WILL eventually get there - without scraped knees (no "re-trauma").

-don't know if this will make any sense. I read your post late last night and felt a bit worried about how your wanting so much to g

[luvingmomma]

Thank you all for your encouraging thoughts. It's helps to know that you are not alone. I am always moving at break neck speed dr. sue (LOL) Not always a good things. I want things to be better sooner that later, but you gave me some wonderful advice. I am thinking of trying some anti-anxiety meds. I have used them in the past to help navigate some difficult situations (anorexia in college unrelated to my phobia, my father's unexpected death at 52, my infertility issues, a miscarriage and the always lovely post-partum depression) I must sound pretty loopy right about now LOL. I had hoped to avoid the meds b/c I have weight issues and they do make me gain weight [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]
Oh well. Mary, I do work in a school as a speech therapist and I have lunch duty, so I am always surprised with the after lunch sicj kids. The other day some poor little kid got sick just as I walked by him. I was actually able to take him the trash can and remain in the lunch room. Just not beside him (my thing is not being able to "hear" other be sick. It's so weird I know. I just want to thank all of you for being so nice and I feel so fortunate to have met you all.

Carrie

[dr sue]

hey Carrie
- you don't sound "loopy" at all.
- Good job! - staying in that lunch room. The "sound" really gets to me too. And I'm a doctor. Now THAT is loopy!
- medication can be very helpful. After some big leg surgery - you wouldn't try and learn to walk without crutches. And, neither would you assume that the crutches were forever - just a temporary help. And, muscle mass loss during recovery can be built up again. On the opposite end of the scale (groan), weight gain (secondary to medication) is absolutely reversible (maybe not with a snap of fingers - but, nonetheless - reversible!)
- lol - did you ever wonder about the expression "break neck speed" - how it got started? what it really means? maybe a little less than warp speed - we push and push ourselves - for what? kind of hard to crown a headless winner.....sick humour - but really, I'm guessing that it's OK to slow down - at least that is what I try and tell myself...
sue