lost baby and emet tortures me help

[sweetpea]

hi i last posted here a year ago befor undergoing cognitive behavioral therepy wich helped my plight alot. you see i wanted a baby more than anything in the world so I went through the therepy treatment. in april i found out i was pregnant and was over joyed but also scared of morning illness!!!!!!! i was 12 weeks pregnant and chuffed i hadnt been ill .... until i collapsed was sick and my hole world fell apart. i was layed up ill for ten weeks doctors not doing any thing collapsing five times a day full of fear. suffering only because i loved my baby so much. but i went to get an 18 week scan done to check the baby. there was my tiny sweetpea so still and peaceful my baby was lying there dead and i was so empty. every thing i had worked so hard for gone. but it didnt end there. if any one is interested in the rest of my story post back and give me some love i am so tired

[Jenneh]

im so sorry that you went thru all that and it ended up badly like that.


i cant even imagine how that must have felt like.


did ur CBT help then? cause if it did, maybe u cud give it another go, totally get rid of emet, and try again?


i know it tkes a very strong person to put themselves thru that risk again, but i can hear how desperate you are to have a kid, and i think u cud probaly make it.


welcome to our family. i hope we can give u the strength you need to hold on.


jen xxxxxxxxxxx

[kmarie]

Oh I am SO sorry for your loss..i have no words to explain how sorry i am.


Please..if you would like to email me..id be more then willing to listen and to be there for you!


you can reach me at [email protected].


please take care of yourself..and rememebr that everything happens for a reason. you have been through a lot..but you will make it!


kayla

[sweetpea]

they put me under a general aneshetic for the operation tontake the baby out they had to sedate me cos i had a panic attack and even sedated my pulse was 190 beats and should of been 60!!!!! any how they took my baby of to pathology and found a tumour in the placenta in was not cancerous but i have to have treatment over ther next 6 months to make sure it doesnt turn that way i am so frightned of chemo tablets and stuff i keep having nightmares about v blood i feel sick now and need to chat so much to people who understand the added pressure i am under[img]smileys/smilies_03.gif[/img]

[sweetpea]

oh yeah ... thanks for replying so soon. the cbt did work to an extent i am 90 percent better than a year ago. i can be sick now only twice since the treatment. what i found is i am more afraid of what i call the dirty feeling. the bit when you are so nauseous you cant move. the actual v is all done involentry by the body and when it stops you always feel better, light and happier also a little stunned.the taste was never that strong and you only taste it when you stop. although i only brought up watery stuff both times. soz if thats too graphic[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[Melikasa]

oh hun I can't imagine what you went through. I am so sorry that it had to happen that way for you. I guess God had different plans and felt you weren't ready for a baby yet. I hope the final steps to recovery are successful.
If you need to chat pleaseIM me any time you need if you see me on. Big hugs.


O God of love, source of life,
hear our prayers for sweetpea.
Her baby died before it ever came to birth.
The blessing of your love
was torn from her body,
leaving her empty and devastated.
Comfort her now in her sorrow.
Restore her hope for a child to come.
Give her courage and new delight
in the days ahead.
In good time, grant her a new life
that her soul may rejoice
and her body give birth;
in Christ’s name we pray. Amen.

[e-lizabeth]

in the past few days I have attended two funerals - one for a 39 year-old man with a wife and two young children who just dropped dead out of the blue after being perfectly healthy his whole life and then contracting a virus that attacks the heart - and watched my sister go through enormous pain as her husband left her less then three weeks before her son's bar mitzvah (a Jewish religious rite of passage for 13 year-old boys)....and now I read your awful story, Sweetpea...I'm so sorry for you. I feel just absolutely sick for you and I hope that you will stop feeling so tired soon and try to find some hope and joy in your life. I know many people, unfortunately, who have taken chemotherapy by pill and noneof them have been sick from it, so I hope that offers you comfort.


And I have to say something else here. After the pain that I've witnessed in the past few days, and the excruciating pain that is evident with every word of Sweetpea's messages, I just can't see what kind of benevolent supreme being would have a plan that would include this type of horror. This just doesn't cut it for me now, though I'm glad it offers some some comfort.

[mbs730]

Sweetpea,
I really, really dont know what to say!! I am speechless right now and
feel so horrible for you. What a terrible thing to have to go through.
I know what its like to have to go through infertility treatments but
dont know what you had to endure. I'm so sorry. I cannot offer you any
words of comfort only because I have no idea what to even say but I am
a good listener. If you want to email me sometime, my email address is
on my profile. I also have AIM and MSN messenger. All I can really say
right now is that I hope you have a lot of support around you.



Miriam

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[sweetpea]

melikasa, what a beautiful prayer it offered me comfort and warmth. i am 21 and my husband is twentyfive. he has been my rock and i dont know what i would do without him. he is the only one who understands and copes with my emet. elizabeth i am moved and also so sorry by the heartache you yourself have suffered. i can see the light at the end of the tunnel it may be dim but with help support and love it will get brighter. the same love should be given to all of you. we are all suffering in one way or another. i was only a mother for a brief moment but i was a mother all the same to my tiny sweetpea. i will not let this phobia ruin my chances of becomng a mother again to another beautiful child. miriam youare so brave and couragous for copping with infertility. carry on being strong. xxx

[mbs730]

Sweetpea I will pray for you and thanks for saying that but I feel like I am far from strong



Miriam

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[sweetpea]

miriam tell me why you are not strong tell me how you think you have failed. you are here fighting with life events. events that make you so sad so hurt and small a stong person survives even if hanging on by a thread you are still here living,. please talk a bout it with me if you dont feel strong then i want to help you feel like you can cope xxx

[sarahx]

sweetpea... how awful.. i recently had a miscarriage but i was only 9 weeks pregnant, but still that moment when you see your perfect little baby dead on the screen.. it haunts me everyday and every night. And i too had to have an op to remove the baby... so gut wrenchingly horrible there are no words to describe how it feels.


I hope you find some joy soon and go on to have your family. I hope you are ok with your treatment. My mum had to go through chemotherapy, a very agressive type as her cancer was so rare they did not know how to treat it, but she was only sick twice in 6 months.


I hope you find some comfort from all the people on here... they certainly got me through my dark times.


Sarah xxxEdited by: sarahx

[mbs730]

I'm
sorry sweetpea, I shouldnt even bring this up after what you went
through but my emet is holding me back more than anything these days
I used to not be as afraid to eat things, but now I am. I mean its good
in the sense because I have some pounds to drop but this is not how I
want to drop them and I have been working at it but now I am becoming
the opposite of how I used to be as far as my appetite is concerned.
But you went thorugh worse than this.



Miriam

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[sweetpea]

hi sarah, my baby was nine weeks when it died but it didnt miscarry it stayed inside and the placenta grew and grew and gave me a 4 and a half month tummy. i was 18 weeks when the scan showed the baby. i am sorry you had to go through it too xxx

[sammi]

im so very sorry for your loss. i DO know how you feel becasue it happened to me two years ago. time heals believe me. i think in fact i know that i worried and stressed so much about getting morning sickness that i brought on my miscarrage. the doctors said it would have happened and that blaming myself was ridiculous. but sometimes i have to wonder if the worried and anxiety was a factor. but i have to say that i already have two children and didnt get any morning sickness with either pregnancy so please dont let it stop you trying for happiness x [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[mbs730]

Okay
firstly worrying and worrying and anxety WONT cause a miscarriage. If
the embryo is not going to develop properly or hormonal imbalances are
to blame for miscarriages but unfortunately sometimes the body doesnt
expel the embryo right after a m/c happens. A friend of mine had that
happen to her but she ended up with a healthy boy. I'm so sorry you had
to go through that. If stress and anxiety and constant worrying was the
cause, I wouldnt be here today. My mother went through hell while she
was pregnant with me. I also had a stressful pregnancy with my son last
year (things were going very wrong at the time, not with the pregnancy
but other unrelated factors) but he came out healthy. Please DO NOT
blame yourself for it. You didnt make the miscarriage happen.
Unfortunately there were other causes but you didnt do anything wrong!!



Miriam

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[youngemet222]

Oh my god! That is so sad and I feel so horrible for you. I really don't know what to say.


LiZZy

[sweetpea]

when i lost my baby i was afraid it was my fault cos i worried so much and didnt eat very much but then my fears were allayed when i was told it was a genetic defect only something nature could induce please dont worry about it being your fault.


oh miriam babe, is it not why we are here to help each other. i understand the food thing cos i have not eaten before because i felt so sick tinking a bout the food in my tummy. it is so hard to eat when you feel ill or think you feel ill. i have a menu pinned to my fridge so i know what i am having to eat each day. i started of with no thankyou portions(small portions) and then my husband gradually increased them so my tummy could cope. tummies shrink when you dont eat very much and theymake you feel sick. i feel so much better that i eat even though sometimes i force it. you can be so hungry sometimes that you cant eat its really wierd. people confuse emet eating habits with anorexia sometimes.

[mbs730]

Its
strange because I used to have a hearty appetite, I have always battled
my weight but now even while I am intending to lose weight, and I have
lost some already but I am just getting turned off by eating. Thats
good and bad I guess but the reason its bad is because I am afraid of
whatever I eat these days is going to make me sick. I used to never be
that way. I dont know, I feared others being sick more than myself but
now the fear of myself getting sick is catching up with my fear of
others. Instead of my emet getting better, these days it seems to be
getting worse and I have no idea what the cause is. All I know is that
I am extremely frusterated over it.



Miriam

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